Hope Eternal

4 Its a win.

Reading over your diary entries while on the plane, it's been a busy year, even with the pandemic. Dynamite reaching the number one spot on the US charts. The group held an online concert and fan meet, It was a fun way to interact and to see so many on the screens. With the world opening up again, you won't have to host many more online concerts and fan meets. You wanna see real people again. You still dream of your sweetie and keep a note of it. The dreams are things like going for coffee or having a dinner date. The things you took for granted when she was your friend. The group is going to speak at the UN, and then there are promotions to be done. It's going to be a lot of schedules to get through in the time frame.

It's been a great trip to the US, the promotions on US tv, and the wins at the awards show. The group has a few drinks to celebrate. "Yes, guys, we have worked so much, and now the Grammys have given us our first nomination." says Nam as he holds up his glass. Everyone cheers. "yeah its been a long time coming. The American music industry is taking notice. But is it for the right reasons. In the end, it's only our fans and the members that matter. If the fans are happy, then I'm happy." says Yoongi. You have nothing to add, so just drink what's in your glass. After a few hours, your legs and brain have had a falling out and are not communicating with each other. Nicole helps you back to your room.

"Nuna Nicole, I miss our friend, Why did she not come? I wanted to see her." You ask her while keeping upright. Nicole walks you to the sofa in your room, then disappears, looking for some water for you. She also places a small bin next to you. Maybe she thinks I'm going to puke. "Nuna, you didn't answer me. Where is my sweetie?" You ask her again. You have had way more alcohol than usual, causing you to be open and ask such questions. Nicole looks at you. If you were sober, you would see she has pity in her eyes. While she's moving around, she says "Jhope, I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. Liquor makes for loose lips." so she can hear me, my voice still works, its just my legs that have lost control, good to know, you press on "Nuna, you know who I'm talking about, I miss sweetie. I was so cruel to her that she wont and shouldn't forgive me. I was a bastard." Putting your head in your hands. " I was insensitive to her, I pushed my own agenda, and then, when we had kind of talked it out, I fucked her over, took all she would give and then had you say my goodbyes." Nicole stands upright, turns to face you squarely, and says, "What? What do you mean 'I said your goodbyes?'" With a sheepish grin, you answer in a low voice, "Nuna, I gave you a letter to give to her. I told her to forget about me, that we shouldn't see each other anymore. I love her, but she needs to heal. It's been over a year, and I thought by now we would be together, or even friends. If not that, then at least on speaking terms, " you're almost whining now, "but she can't even come to work, in case she bumps into me. She must really fucking hate me." Nicole tells you that she knew you and her were getting it on but that it was none of her business, even after working with the group for years she still sees herself as just staff, not family. She is rightly pissed at you for being selfish and using her to deliver your goodbyes. You have to make her understand that it wasn't just sex, that you truly loved her and that you messed it up. You tell her about the parts of your friendship that meant the most to you and its these memories that overwhelm your dreams. The late night calls, your first kiss, the way your smile would start at your eyes and work its way over your face. Nicole lets you cry. At this point your past caring that your a grown man, you miss her and it hurt so much. You feel the need to tell Nicole everything, "I miss my sweetie, but even now I don't think she will take me back, I've been using the NDAF benefits. But its not the same, its not my sweetie". Nicole doesn't say anything about that. The alcohol is starting to make the room dark. You thank Nicole for listening.

When you wake a few hours later, you send a message to the company therapist, but by the time you get back to Seoul you cancel just saying it was a drunk moment. Your not feeling as vulnerable. Time to call up the NDAF and work out somethings.

Meeting at the free house as planned, she has set up the way you have requested. She's there waiting for you on the sofa. Only covered by the silk dressing gown. Once you take off your shoes, she walks over to you, handing you an Iced Irish coffee, again as requested. She doesn't speak, but helps take off your jacket. Now sipping your drink she takes to her knees. She waits until you give her the nod. Do you really want to keep up this charade!? Nodding your head ever so slightly. She lets out a small breath, like she wasn't sure you were going to continue. She ties back her hair. You nod yet again. Now placing her hands onto your thighs she sits up and opens your legs. All the while watching you through her lashes, she's not meant to make eye contact with you. When her hands reach your belt she waits again, like an intricate mating ritual every step matters. Nodding for the third time, she undoes your belt, and sits back on her heels. when you lift your hips and slide down your trousers, you tell her that she "better take it all. Not like last time" when she had it drip out of the corner of her mouth. You don't want to see any evidence of this act. She bows her head and speaks one word, "yes" once you are sure she is ready, you tell her "get started, I wanna cum a few times this evening, its been a stressful trip" with her thin lips moving over your head, you start to imagine your sweetie. If it was her I wouldn't need to give instructions, she did it so well. She took me so deep and it felt so fucking good. Lost in your day dream... "her tongue rolls over the tip and under your head, her hands on the tops of your thighs, she licks all the way round. When she takes you deeper she has to lean further between your thighs. Her lips wrap around your head, she sucks you in, your head almost at her back teeth," she gags a little and slows the pace.Day dream broken, your back in the room with the NDAF,  her hands are itching to hold your cock, but this isn't allowed. She knows the rules. "keep your hands where they are, but open wider, I need to fuck your throat. and don't make that noise." moving your hips forward you gain access to a better angle. Putting your hand on the crown of her head you guide her to a better pace for you. She knows why she's there. Its not for her benefit. Thinking back to your sweetie, how her hair felt in your fingers, soft, not straw like a brittle like this one. "soon, I will find my way back soon, we will be happy again" you say out loud as if talking to the image in your head. The NDAF doesn't make another sound. You spend the next few minutes relentlessly fucking her trachea. Spilling your seed, you keep your cock inside her mouth. Yes it makes it a challenge to swallow every bit, but you don't care. Your sweetie would manage it.