Empires SMP oneshots

Escape

           God Joel whistled to himself as he wandered around Animalia, looking for Lizzie. Pirate Joe had gone by Stratos telling him that he'd also been looking for Lizzie but he couldn't find her. He'd left a barrel of ink sacs for Joel to give to her if he saw her, and then left to do his own thing. Joel asked a passing humanoid bat if she'd seen the mayor. "Oh, Mayor Lizzie went to the Magical District bookshop with this other fellow," The bat said helpfully, cradling a wing in a sling. "Just head that way." 

           Joel thanked her and went to the Magical District bookstore. He didn't see Lizzie in it, but as he turned to go, he bumped into a shelf and the books tumbled to the floor. Being eleven feet tall has its problems, sometimes, he thought, stooping to pick the books up. As he put them back on the shelf, he glanced at one that was lying open on the floor. "The Copper King was the ruler of Pixandria a thousand years ago," He read. Just then, there was a flash of light, and suddenly Lizzie and Pix were standing on top of the book, looking confused. "Oh, hello, Lizzie," Joel said casually. "By the way, Pirate Joe is looking for you, he left the ink sacs you wanted at Stratos."

           "Oh, okay," Lizzie said, regaining her composure. Pix, on the other hand, was still completely and utterly bewildered. "How are you acting like this is normal?" "What? Just be glad we're out of that book." "Oh, you were actually in the book? Is this lore?" Joel asked, interest piqued. "Not lore, just an accident," Lizzie answered. "Now, would you mind taking me to Stratos with you?" "Not at all." They both went to Stratos, leaving Pix to sort out his problems by himself, and Lizzie picked up the shipment of ink sacs to bring back to Animalia. Joel noticed that she looked very bored, however. 

           "I'm bored," Lizzie announced, though it was very obvious by that point. "You were just trapped in a book and escaped, how are you bored?" Joel asked bemusedly. "Well, I'm bored. I can't help it. I need a way to escape the boredom and monotony of everyday life. And no, a movie won't cut it this time." "How about the zoo? I heard there was one that just got an albino tiger," Joel suggested. Lizzie leapt to her feet like an electrocuted cat. "What?! A cat?! Trapped in a zoo?! I cannot stand for this!" The next thing Joel knew, Lizzie was stomping off to the closest zoo armed with an ax. He followed, thinking that this might just get interesting. 

           "Who's paying for tickets?" Joel suddenly wondered as they got in line to get in the zoo. "Do we have to pay for tickets?" Lizzie asked. "If you want to get in without breaking any rules, yes," "And if I want to break the rules?" "Then do whatever you want, I'll pay for myself." Lizzie grinned and ran off. As Joel moved forward in the long line, he suddenly heard the shouts of the security guards, saying that a lady with pink hair was climbing the fence into the tiger containment. Joel wondered, for the briefest instant, if he should be worried. But then he shrugged it off. Lizzie could take care of herself. 

           Lizzie let her cat instincts take over and rushed up the side of the wall like it was normal. Claws extended, she jumped into a tree and clung on as tightly as she could. She was pleased to find that she didn't fall. "Hey, lady, get down from there!" Someone shouted. She stuck her tongue out at them. "You'll never take me alive!" She leapt into another enclosure and came face to face with a feral panther. They looked at each other for a few seconds. Then Lizzie lockpicked the door and held it open. "Come on, you're free." She said. It took a few seconds for the other panthers to comprehend what she just said, but as soon as they did they all rushed outside. 

           Then Lizzie moved on to the other animals, letting all of them out, and informing them that Animalia had room for more citizens, but all the creatures seemed interested in just terrorizing the zoo visitors. A monkey stole a kid's ice cream cone. An elephant sat on top of the hot dog stand and it broke, spilling pools of ketchup and mustard everywhere. The flocks of parrots merged together to become one giant colorful swarm of a flock, and then joined the pigeons in pooping in the most inconvenient places. Some mother alligators dumped their babies in the drinking fountain. All around the zoo, mayhem and pandemonium reigned supreme. The air was filled with the screams of terrified visitors, the shouts of zookeepers trying to regain order, roars of wild cats running loose, loud footsteps of animals stampeding... it was music to Lizzie's ears. She loved causing chaos. 

           Meanwhile with Joel, he was still standing in line waiting to buy a ticket. Despite all the chaos ensuing in the zoo, the line hadn't gotten any shorter. Joel thought that he maybe should have used his god status to let himself cut forward in line and wondered why in the world he hadn't thought of it sooner. Using his height to his advantage, he stepped over the wall that surrounded the zoo with no problem, and with the wild frenzy of animals escaping all over the zoo, no one noticed an eleven-foot-tall god being added to the mix. 

           Joel checked the time and noted that he was running late to something important he had to attend to. Now he had to go find Lizzie so they could go home. It wasn't too hard to find her, all he had to do was follow the trail of chaos. Soon enough, he found her engaged in conversation with an anthropomorphic seal about the difference between seals and sea lions. The banter would have been quite funny to listen to, if Joel wasn't worried about the time. 

           "Come on, Lizzie," He said, picking her up by the nape of her neck and plopping the cat on his shoulder. She started to protest. "Joel! I was about to win the argument!" "Yeah, well, we're running late, and you already set the whole zoo free before I could see anything, so we're going home." "Aw, come on!" "Lizzie, if you don't cause trouble on the way home, I'll take you to terrorize another zoo next week." Lizzie's eyes lit up. "Deal!" She shouted as they left. "Hey, you, lady!" A guard shouted. "You're going to pay for all this trouble you caused!" Joel wondered, for a fraction of a second, if he should be worried about the consequences of his actions. But then he shrugged. It's Lizzie's actions, not mine, so I don't have to worry about anything.