Empires SMP oneshots

False's adventures in Wonderland

           False sat there by the river, feeling tired as always. She blinked, feeling sleepy. Just then, she saw Sausage rush by her. "I'm late for the tea party!" He shrieked. One hand was holding a pocket watch that he looked at intently as if to dare it to change the time, and the other was anxiously stroking a pair of brown rabbit ears that poked out of his hair. Then he glanced at False and noticed her. 

           He grabbed her arm and dragged her along to wherever he was running to. "False, come on, you're invited too and we're both late!" He shouted. Before False could protest, she suddenly saw a large rabbit hole in the ground in front of them. Then Sausage jumped into it and pulled her into it as well. 

           False was vaguely aware of clocks surrounding her at all sides as she fell down, down, down through the rabbit hole, all of them ticking loudly and simultaneously. It was enough to make her dizzy. Suddenly, False and Sausage landed on the ground without taking fall damage. And False realized she wasn't underground anymore.

           She was in a peaceful flowering meadow surrounded by trees, with the sun shining brightly overhead. In the middle of the meadow there was a long table, set out for tea. And there were some people sitting at it, eating and drinking gaily. 

           One was wearing an extremely colorful hat and attire, with one eye blue and one yellow. Another was a sleepy goblin who was nibbling on some rocks. There was a girl in a lime witch hat and purple sweater. A princess in pink dress and black armor sat next to her. A pirate sat next to the princess. And a historian was scribbling down notes rather than eat. 

           False didn't remember when she got here or how. She wondered whether to approach the people at the table when the rabbit person dragged her along and plopped her in a free seat and sat down next to her. "I'm sorry I'm late," He said breathlessly, taking an empanada and biting into it. "Thanks for coming to my princess tea party, March Hare," The princess said. "And don't worry; Joel, Jimmy, Oli, and the queen of the sun are late too." 

           "The Cheshire Cat isn't here," The goblin mumbled drowsily. "I'm right here, Goblin," A voice next to False said suddenly, making her jump. A cat face slowly materialized in the air, cheeky grin first, then whiskers, then eyes, then ears. False caught a glimpse of calico fur before a human mask popped out of nowhere and covered the cat's face. "I have been here the whole time!" She shouted in the Goblin's ear, and he winced at the noise. "Sure, sure," He muttered, going back to sleep. 

           False glanced at the food in front of her. There were empanadas, chicken drowned in slime and topped with sweet berries and amethyst crystals, froglight fruits, bottles of honey and honeycomb, fish, cave pickles, glowberries, rocks, an a bunch of other foods that she couldn't even name. Or maybe she just didn't remember what they were called. False tentatively reached out and started to drink from the honey bottles. It was both sweet and tasted like wax. 

           "Mad Hatter, pass me the basalt," The sleepy Goblin said, waving at a pile of rocks at the other end of the table, where the short green creature couldn't reach. The colorful hatter reached over and passed it to him. "Thanks," He mumbled. "Has anyone seen my silly husband anywhere?" The Cheshire Cat, who was still just a head, asked pleasantly, biting savagely into the slimy chicken. 

           Everyone shook their heads, just as two figures came running out of the nearby woods. One was eleven feet tall and the other as short as a toy. They skidded to a halt in front of the table, nearly crashing into it but not doing so at the last second, panting horribly. "Joel, what did you do now?" The Cheshire Cat asked accusingly, materializing a paw and part of a foreleg to wave at him. 

           Joel paused to catch his breath and then finally spoke. "You know how the queen of the sun asked us to plant her roses?" Everyone nodded. "Well, Jimmy mixed up the seeds, and now instead of red roses-" "We accidentally bonemealed white roses!" The toy-like person wailed miserably. "That's not good," The March Hare said. "The queen of the sun only accepts sunrise or sunset colors in her kingdom." 

           "I know!" Joel yelled, "It's Jimmy's fault!" He pointed at the toy. "And then I had the idea of painting the roses red, so the queen couldn't possibly know we did it wrong, but then she caught us in the act!" Jimmy shouted. Then he looked behind him and paled. "Oh no, here she comes now!" "An angry queen of the sun! Ah! It's the scariest thing in the world!" The Goblin yelped, suddenly wide awake. Someone stuffed him into the teapot. 

           False turned and saw a regal lady striding purposefully out of the woods, looking incensed. She wore a grand, flowing dress with colors ranging from sunset pink to sunrise orange. A gold ringlet that depicted the sun wrapped around her long red hair that was the color of the furious sun. She glared with eyes as brightly green as the green flash at sunset. 

           "Joel and Jimmy!" She shouted. "You have planted white roses instead of red!" "We tried to paint them red again!" Jimmy pleaded, hiding behind Joel, who in turn tried to hide behind Jimmy, but since he was eleven feet tall, it wasn't exactly easy. "You two are going to be tried before the court for your actions of treason!" The queen of the sun demanded, turning around and striding back into the woods. 

           Everyone got up from the tea table and started to restrain Joel and Jimmy and drag them in the direction that the queen of the sun was heading. "Goblin, you're my lawyer!" Jimmy said hastily, grabbing the teapot that he was still stuffed into. "Cheshire Cat, you're my lawyer!" Joel said as well, but when he looked around, the cat had become invisible again. False didn't know what to do, but the March Hare grabbed her wrist again and dragged her along with the others. 

           Soon False found herself seated in the Goblin's small claims court, and the historian was wearing a judge's wig and reading out the proceedings. Or at least he was trying to; the March Hare and a bard were taking turns blowing trumpets and reading out the proceedings for him. 

           "Joel Beans-"

           "And Jimmy Gaming-"

           "You are accused-"

           "Of illegally growing white roses-"

           "In the garden of the queen of the sun!"

           "How do you plead-"

           "Before the honorable judge Riffs?"

           "Innocent!" Joel and Jimmy shouted at the same time. The queen of the sun grabbed the judge's gavel and banged it herself. "You know I only accept sunrise or sunset colors!" She shrieked. "It was an accident!" Joel said miserably. "Yeah, tell her, lawyer!" Jimmy said, holding out the teapot. Everyone listened carefully, but all they heard was the sound of gentle snoring coming from inside. 

           The queen of the sun banged the gavel again. "Bring in the witness!" She demanded. The bard and the March Hare both trumpeted. "Bring in the witness!" They shouted simultaneously. Suddenly, False found herself standing in the middle of the courtroom. "Witness," The queen of the sun said steely, glaring at her directly in the eyes, "Tell us about what Jimmy and Joel have done with the roses." 

           "Uh..." False started, feeling nervous. "I didn't see anything. They were the ones who told me what happened." "Biased witness!" The queen declared. She rapped the gavel and the judge sighed over not actually doing anything. "All of you, guilty!" The queen of the sun yelled, and everyone stiffened. Suddenly the queen of the sun transformed into an elf with deer antlers sticking out of her head, holding an ax in her hand. "Off with all your heads!" She screeched. 

           Everyone screamed and started climbing over everyone else to escape the queen, who was swinging her ax wildly and chopping the heads off those closest to her. False found herself running for the exit alongside everyone else. The door was just there. She flung it open and rushed through- 

           And woke up on the riverbank. She sat up quickly, breathing heavily. "Oh, it was just a dream," She sighed in relief. "A very weird dream." She sighed again and was about to head home when she spotted an envelope lying on the ground next to her. Curious, she picked it up and opened it to read. The note inside invited her to attend the princesses Gem and Katherine's princess tea party.