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chapter eleven / season one episode three.
"OI! LIVVIE, YOU'VE GOTTA HEAR ARTHUR'S NEW JOKE!" John cheered the moment Olivia stumbled down into the kitchen, where all the members (bar Ada) of the Shelby family were cramped up into the small kitchen on Watery Lane.
This had been Olivia's new normal for the past seven days: everyone 'round the house trying to bring a sense of normalcy to the teenage girl. (It wasn't working, but Olivia let them believe it was)
The last seven days had been hard, the hardest days of Olivia's life. Her body had ached, her throat sore and so many tears shed that she was sure she would never cry again (if only). For most of the seven days she hadn't gotten out of bed, she lay staring at the ceiling swimming in her own sorrows, pondering on how to go on from this. How to live as a murderer. Finn would come and read her a book and then Polly would usher the boy out, claiming Olivia needed to rest.
Olivia couldn't possibly rest anymore. All she did for the majority of the week was rest.
And yet she was still so tired. Tired of the aches, the sore throat, the tears, the confinements of her mind that plagued her with images of bloodied hands and broken glass bottle necks.
Nothing felt easier after seven days cooped up in Watery Lane, in fact everything felt worse. Her brothers were trying, they really were, but maybe it was too much. The jokes, the attempt to go back. They couldn't go back. This was the new normal, and pity wouldn't fix that. It was actually sending Olivia a little bit insane. Everyone was on her all the time, asking how she was, asking if she wanted a tea or coffee, offering her Bon Bons or even trying to get her to talk.
Olivia loved them all, she really did. But, not like this. Shelbys weren't good at comforting others, their support was either underwhelming or overwhelming. And Olivia would much prefer for it all to be underwhelming instead of the frustration she felt spawning at their overbearing methods.
Olivia wasn't born to be comforted. She was born to do things by herself. So, she wasn't used to their constant concerns which riled her up because she just wanted to be left alone and mew in her own sadness, because the sadness had to leave eventually and she'd be fine.
Right? The image of this man is going to fade, the aches are going to disappear, people will stop worrying about her and she'll be fine.
(Olivia Shelby was never going to be 'fine' again)
