Fight.

Suffocating

Tw:sh,suicide,anxiety
I sigh sitting at the table playing with my food while others are talking and laughing, i push my tray away not feeling like eating.

"Rooks why don't you eat" soap says with a comforting smile "not hungry" i speak out fiddling with my fingers.

Sometimes i get these moods where I'm really depressed and i don't eat or sleep or move i just lay in bed which i could feel was coming anytime soon,

I look down at the floor i felt overwhelmed i just wanted to lay in bed till it stopped but i couldn't without getting screamed at

"Im going bed" i say before standing up and pushing my tray away and walking out the canteen

I laid in bed staring up at nothing my stomach had a pit in it ,a guilty feeling which wouldn't go away making it worse for me to focus on my work.

I sigh and reach under my pillow grabbing the small blade and staring at left over blood from last time on it.

I sigh wiping the blood on my covers before pulling up my sleeve, i stared at my wrist before I brought the blade to it applying pressure and seeing as the white line turned red.

I winced in pain blood dripping onto my sheets another line and another and another before there was 10 all in a row ,my wrist had blood dripping from it turning my white sheets cherry red.

"Fuck" i say before throwing the blade under my pillow and running into the bathroom locking myself in a toilet and wrapping my arms in tissue watching the white tissue turn red.

My eyes started to widen and water as panic ran through my body, i felt guilty for it but it helped me out of these moods.

"Rooks!" I hear ghost screaming my name and my eyes widened even more.

"Why the fuck is there blood all over your bed" he shouts walking into the bathroom and banging on the stalls.

"I uh got my period" i breath out my voice cracking due to the lump in my throat, "do you think I'm dumb" he say's finally getting to my door and banging on it.

I stare at the door blood dripping onto the floor mixed with my tears "let me in" he says through the gap in the door

I take a deep breath "n...no" my voice was shaking i was so anxious I couldn't function.

I hear him take a deep breath and move away from the door, before i see him pop up from the side of the stall.

"Fucking hell.." he stares at my wrist before clearing his throat "open the door now" he says not as a option but as an order before jumping down and waiting back outside the door.

I sigh and stand up unlocking the door looking down at the floor before breaking down right in-front of him.

My vision was blurred and I couldn't see a thing tears flowing down my cheeks as i cried out, blood dripping on the floor before i felt my feet get lifted and my body sat on a counter.

I rested my head on the wall behind me my cheeks damp and my eyelashes were all clumpy from the tears.

I hear ghost breathe in before taking my arm in his hand and unwrapping the tissue revealing the cuts on my arms.

I move my head to look at him and automatically start to cry out again "sh ,shh its okay...your okay" i hear him whisper in my ear, I threw my head on his shoulder tears wetting his uniform.

He brought a hand up to my back and rubbed it drawing patterns along my back to help calm me down,as his hand stroked my back his other hand slowly grabbed a med kit from his belt and he opened it grabbing disinfectant wipes and opening it with his teeth.

He pulled the pad out, his other hand was now on my head pushing my face into shoulder and stroking my hair, he cleaned the cuts wiping them with the disinfectant.

I winced my skin stinging as soon as the pad made contact with my skin "i know it hurts ,i know just hold on for me" his voice was low like a whisper and his tone was more worried than angry.

I felt him throw the pad into the bin getting a glimpse off the red pad and feeling another dry pad on my arm before a piece of bandage was placed and wrapped around my whole wrist applying pressure and hiding the deep slits.

I take a deep breath getting a deep smell of his cologne my face still on his shoulder my breath was shakey and i was gasping for air "its okay y/n ,your doing so good just 1 more minute ok?" He says into my ear

I groan out in pain the cuts feeling irritated and swore , i saw him throw all the supplies he used in the bin.

I looked up and saw i was moving but not using my legs,i realised i was in his arms and he was carrying me somewhere but it wasn't to my bed.

The hand on my head was taken away and i felt a nudge as he opened a door, i was placed onto a bed which was in a room with no other beds.

I laid my head in the pillow my eyes burning from the tears , i felt a blanket get thrown on me and the bed dipped next to me ,my hair being stroke calming me down.

"Just relax its okay now, your safe" he says stroking my hair and then grabbing my under my arms leaning me against him before i hear velcro being undone and my vest being pulled off my body

"Put your hands up for me" he says, i didn't ask questions i just lifted my arms

He lifted my shirt off me and leaned over opening a draw and grabbing a jumper, he put the jumper over my head.

"Thats long enough so i wont see anything" he speaks out stroking my back before pulling my belt out the trouser loops and throwing it on the floor, he tugged my bottoms pulling them down before he laid my head on the pillow stroking my back and hair.

"Its okay, go to sleep y/n" he breaths out before my eyes feel heavy and start closing "I'm scared" i breath out my eyes still closed

He sighs and caresses my cheek "don't be nothings gonna happen to you" he whispers out making me feel a type of comfort before my eyes started to shut and i felt his hand still stroking my back as i drifted into a sleep.

The last thing i heard was him saying "good girl, its okay I'm here" before i was knocked into sleep

Okay that was intense and very emotional...is ghost getting a soft spot for y/n???