The Color Of You

Chapter 4

Something changed within you after that day at Natasha and Wanda's home. You grappled with your thoughts while trying to maintain your focus on your studies. You had learned from your past mistakes and made sure to prioritize proper meals and adequate sleep. You resumed to meet up with Yelena almost daily, and you joined Kate at various small gatherings, where you met new people. While you still felt uncomfortable in larger groups, you were fortunate that Kate didn't mind your company. She seemed to genuinely care about you, and you were pleased to call her your friend.

It had been a few weeks since you last saw Natasha and Wanda. Yelena had extended an invitation, mentioning that Natasha had inquired about you several times. However, you always found excuses to avoid them. You weren't ready to confront what ever strange feelings you felt for Natasha, especially considering she was married to what you believed to be the most beautiful and caring woman you had ever met except for Natasha herself.

This is why you found yourself agreeing to a date with James, a fellow resident in your building who had persistently asked you out. You finally gave in to his invitation for a movie night. You couldn't quite understand why you'd said yes, but perhaps it was the enthusiasm that Yelena had shown about his interest in you that played a role. Or maybe you were just deceiving yourself, thinking that being more like Kate and Yelena, who were in relationships, would make things easier. It might be simpler to have a boyfriend, even if the thought of being in any kind of relationship, especially with James, made you cringe. Nevertheless, you had made up your mind to give it a try.

The movie, unfortunately sucked, but James seemed to enjoy the explosions on the screen and the racing sports cars. You counted the minutes until you could return home. Dating was just as underwhelming and boring as you had expected.

"So, did you like the movie?" James asked after the movie as you walked down the street towards the dorms.

"Not really my kind of movie, but there were some decent parts, I suppose," you replied as you strolled along the sidewalk.

"Ah, I see. Well, next time, you can choose the movie, if you'd like?" he suggested, his gaze directed down at you. You averted your eyes, attempting to come up with an excuse.

"Sure," you replied, and on the inside you felt like screaming, once again disregarding your own feelings out of fear of hurting someone else.

"Great. Want to hang out after this? We can watch a movie in my room," he suggested, and you frowned, staring at the ground.

"I'm pretty tired, so I'll have to take a raincheck," you replied with some hesitation, having no inclination to spend more time with him that evening.

"Yeah, okay, no problem," he responded promptly. You glanced over at him, curious about his thoughts but his face was blank as he kept his gaze on the sidewalk. You couldn't help but finding dating uncomfortable and perplexing as you walked awkwardly beside him.

Upon reaching your front door, he leaned in for a kiss on your cheek. As you gazed at his smiling face, you noticed a curious absence of emotion. Despite having read a few books with romance woven into their pages, there were no fireworks or racing heartbeats, just an overwhelming sense of awkwardness. His beard scratched your cheek, and his scent felt out of place as his lips made contact with your skin. You mustered a tight-lipped smile, then promptly opened the door, waving at him before shutting it.

You let out a sigh and rested your head against the door, groaning loudly. This was not how you had imagined the night would go. You flopped onto your bed, feeling that the evening had turned into a complete disaster. There had been no spark when he took your hand at the movies, and you had no desire to see him again. Another exasperated groan slipped from your lips as you turned to the side of your bed, retrieving your guilty pleasure: comic books.