The Color Of You

Chapter 10

You'd never confess to Yelena that, despite everything, a part of you still yearned to return home and see your mother and father. Yelena couldn't fully grasp why you held onto the hope that things would change. Yet, this time, a flicker of hope burned within you, fueled by the belief that maybe, just maybe, they would finally look at you and appreciate the person you'd become. You had even let your hair grow long, inspired by your mother's comment about Janice's daughter.

The daydreams played out in your mind—walking through the door, your mother gasping, spinning you around, and enveloping you in a long, affectionate hug. In this imagined scenario, she would shower you with compliments, expressing how pretty you were and how much she loved you. A sigh escaped your lips as you emerged from your reverie, and a your mood dropped. Deep down, doubts surfaced, recognizing the slim chance of your mother showing any form of love. Glancing at the carefully wrapped presents in your bag, your heart quickened. Despite reading Natasha and Wanda's notes countless times, you couldn't resist running your fingers over each card, absorbing the words they had written.

Closing your eyes tightly, you could almost transport yourself back to the comforting embrace of Natasha and Wanda, curled up between them. It had taken a while to get use to their closeness. You knew Natasha was naturally tactile with her family, you had witnessed her attempting to hug Yelena several times. At home, Natasha and Wanda were always touching or sharing hugs, and it never failed to warm your heart. Yelena, however, wasn't the most enthusiastic participant in Natasha's hugging endeavors now that you were all older. It typically devolved into a playful wrestling match. It never failed to make you burst out laughing when Natasha would end up on top—by on top, it was Natasha sitting on Yelena's back while Yelena screeched in rage.

A smile played on your lips as the memory flittered through your mind while you leaned your head against the window. The gentle rocking of the bus soothed your conflicting emotions, and you alternated between sleeping and reading before the bus finally arrived at the station.

As you got off, you looked around for your parents but couldn't see them anywhere.

Disappointment settled in, and the urge to get back on the bus was strong, but you swallowed the lump in your throat as you dragged your bag towards your parents' apartment.

It felt like hours before you finally arrived, although it couldn't have been more than 40 minutes. You stopped in front of the building you grew up in, it loomed in front of you, and it seemed as no time have passed since you left. But even if you had grown up there, it had never really felt like a home. You had finally managed to escape, but here you were again. All the emotions rushed back as you felt like that little girl again who was never seen, who desperately wanted her mother to love her—the little girl who wondered if she would ever be enough.

Allowing the emotions to settle in, you gave the young girl inside you space to hurt. Just for a moment, when everything was quiet, you let her grieve for everything she so desperately wanted and never got—well, not until Natasha and Wanda. Thinking of them helped, as the little girl within you squirmed with warmth and happiness.

With a deep breath, you gathered the strength to pull the door open while tucking the little girl away in a safe place. The smell of dirt and urine hit you as you walked up the stairs toward the floor your parents lived on. Your bag made a loud thud as you dropped it in front of the door, the sound echoing up the stairs, and you winced as you rang the doorbell.

A forced smile painted your face as your father opened the door. His usual indifferent stare was there as he looked at you, and it almost made you shrink under his stare.

"It's about time you showed up, what took you so long?" He grunted as he pushed the door open for you to enter.

His words shouldn't hurt you anymore, he had said worse. But you couldn't help but feel the sting.