Exchange student - one year ᵗᵃᵉᵏᵒᵒᵏ

11

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Jungkook stared at Taemin with his eyes wide open as if he was seeing a ghost. The party around them seemed to fade away at that moment and the bright lights, loud music and partying crowd faded into insignificance. His face lost all color and his hands began to shake uncontrollably.
In that moment, Jungkook felt as if he had been thrown back eight months in time, to a time he had desperately tried to forget. He could literally feel the pain as if it had just happened yesterday. A sudden stopping of his heart and a painful tugging in his chest left Jungkook breathless.

The memories of their time together flashed before Jungkook's inner eye like an emotionally charged movie. The rapprochement before them, before they let themselves be carried away into tender kisses. The passionate nights when their bodies became one, accompanied by the quiet, loving confessions of love they had made to each other. He could literally feel the warmth of Taemin's body as they lay snuggled close together, and he could feel the sweet taste of Taemin's lips on his own. It all seemed so vivid and so far away at the same time.
But he didn't just remember the happy moments. He also remembered the tears he had shed and the pain he had felt because of this boy. He saw himself in the dark hours of the night, sobbing and full of despair when he missed Taemin.
Taemin wasn't just an ex-boyfriend. Taemin was everything to Jungkook. He was Jungkook's first love, his first kiss, his first time. Taemin was the man who had shown Jungkook that he definitely wasn't into women. Jungkook would have done anything for him and would have been willing to forgive him for anything back then. But then Taemin had suddenly broken up with him, leaving him with a shattered heart.

"Taemin..." Jungkook finally whispered again, his voice quivering with a mixture of longing and pain. The name felt like he was swallowing sharp shards of glass that left cutting wounds in his throat. His knees went weak and he felt himself almost collapsing. "Jungkook..." he began, but the words seemed hard to get past his lips, knowing how much he had hurt Jungkook.
Jungkook felt the tears welling up in his eyes and he fought it. His eyes had a sad expression as he looked at the person he had once loved so much. Part of him wanted to scream at Taemin, to call him to account, but the words stuck in his throat.
The blond couldn't take his eyes off Taemin even if he wanted to. His ex-boyfriend had changed on the outside, his black hair was longer than before, with blonde streaks in it. Even through his clothes, Jungkook could see that Taemin had become more muscular. If Taemin had looked like he did now, he would never have been able to keep his hands to himself.

Shaking his head to get rid of these forbidden thoughts, he averted his gaze and tried to calm his racing heart. He didn't want to think about him that way anymore - he wasn't allowed to. Every heartbeat reminded him of the love he had once felt for Taemin and the pain he had had to go through when he had left him.
Taemin lowered his eyes as if he was ashamed, he knew he had hurt Jungkook. "Can we talk?", Taemin asked after a moment of silence. "Please," he added softly. Jungkook swallowed hard. He didn't want to talk to him, he never wanted to hear another word from his mouth. But at the same time, he was too curious to hear what his ex-boyfriend had to say. Finally, he nodded, simply blaming his drunken state for this decision.
"Let's go outside, it's a bit quieter there," Taemin suggested.

Shortly afterwards, the two men found themselves outside on the spacious terrace of the beach house. The cool night air enveloped them as they stepped out of the busy beach house into the open air. The sky was starry and the sight of the twinkling stars above them reminded Jungkook of the countless nights he and Taemin had spent together under this sky. His heart was still pounding heavily in his chest, but he forced himself to stay calm.
The muffled music only drifted softly from inside and only a few guests had found their way outside. In a corner of the terrace, the world seemed to stand still for them. The gentle sound of the waves in the distance mingled with the laughter of the party guests and the music. Jungkook stared at the ground, unable to look directly at Taemin. He first had to sort out the jumble of thoughts and feelings that had been stirred up in him at that moment.
Jungkook still couldn't believe he was here with his ex-boyfriend after all this time, after all this pain. Taemin leaned against the railing and looked at the shorter one in front of him. "I was actually going to get in touch with you after the semester break, but then I just saw you walk past me and thought it would be easier in person than a message," he began to explain.

Jungkook could hardly bear the words, which is why he interrupted him. "What do you want?" asked Jungkook with his lips pressed together. "I missed you, Kookie," Taemin immediately breathed with a soft smile.
Those words acted as a balm to Jungkook's broken heart and unfortunately, those words immediately made his heart beat faster. He still felt betrayed by Taemin, but at the same time he couldn't deny his longing. Nevertheless, he was plagued by so many questions that he wanted answered.
Why had he left him?
Was he not good enough?
Had he done something wrong?
Was he too clingy? Too shy?
"Why, Taemin?" Jungkook finally whispered in a broken voice. "Why did you leave me?" he blurted out the most important question. He wanted to know - he had to know in order to be able to finally make up his mind.
It took a moment for Taemin to answer. "I'm sorry," he finally murmured quietly, his voice just as brittle as Jungkook's. "I'm so incredibly sorry, Kookie. I've never stopped thinking about you."

Jungkook's gaze was fixed on the floor, but he listened intently as the words slowly poured out of Taemin's mouth. His heart was pounding wildly and the wounds that had never fully healed were slowly beginning to close.
Taemin continued as he reached for Jungkook's hand. "Kookie, I know I've hurt you," he whispered. "These past few months have been torture for me. I've been thinking about my mistakes, thinking about you, thinking about us. I made a terrible mistake and I hate myself for leaving you."
Jungkook felt Taemin's fingers wrap around his second hand and it was as if they had never been apart.The touch of their hands was still warm, yet the firm grip was gentle and loving. "I was selfish and immature," Taemin confessed with a hint of tears in his eyes.
Conflicting emotions raged inside Jungkook.On the one hand, he had longed for Taemin's closeness for so long, for the warmth and love that had once filled his heart.On the other hand, he continued to fight against the pain and anger that he had suppressed for so long.
"Every day without you was terrible," Taemin continued, his voice trembling slightly. "I miss your loving kisses and hugs. I miss your name on my cell phone screen when you wished me 'good morning' at an inhuman hour every morning and brightened my day. I miss every little thing - I miss you." His words hit Jungkook like a storm and he could see the tears in Taemin's eyes.
Silence fell.

To Jungkook, it sounded like something out of a romance novel, as if someone had made a terrible mistake and was now weeping bitterly and begging for forgiveness. Memories of the happy times with Taemin flooded him and he felt his heart beating faster against his will. "I would do anything for you to forgive me and come back to me," the older man added.
Jungkook couldn't believe what he was hearing.
Was he serious?
Could he really still have feelings for the blond after eight months of them being apart?
Would another chance for them even work?
Jungkooks didn't know what to do. Finally, Jungkook answered, his voice soft but clear, "Taemin, I suffered when you left. It tore me apart. So why only now? Why are you coming back after eight months?" Taemin lowered his head when he heard his ex-lover's words, but he still held Jungkook's hand tightly as if he was afraid to let go.
Taemin sighed. "I can't offer you an excuse that will suffice. I was just stupid back then and couldn't handle the love you gave me. I was scared and insecure. I want to make it up to you if you give me a chance. I need you."

Jungkook could no longer hold back his tears; they flowed unstoppably down his cheeks, reflecting the endless rollercoaster of emotions his heart was going through. The words he had longed to hear for so long had finally come out of Taemin's mouth, but they brought no comfort.
The tears streaming down Jungkook's cheeks seemed to mirror the pain inside him. He had waited so long to hear those words, but now that they were there, he was overwhelmed by a wave of confusion and uncertainty. The memories of their time together, the good and the bad, crowded into his head and made it difficult to think clearly.
The pain in his heart was still deep, and the scars in it seemed to reopen with Taemin's appearance, while his ex-lover tried to heal them with his words. He wasn't sure if Taemin was telling the truth. Jungkook didn't want to be as naive as he used to be, he couldn't just blindly trust him again. His breathing became shallower as he was torn between the desire to believe him and the fear of being hurt again. But he also felt his heart beating wildly, telling him that he still had feelings for the boy in front of him.

"Come back to me, Kookie. Be mine again," the older man breathed as he gently released one of his hands and placed it gently on the back of Jungkook's neck. His thumbs stroked tenderly over the younger man's delicate skin, leaving goose bumps that flitted over Jungkook's entire body like a fleeting shiver. Taemin knew that the blond was weakening at these possessive words and tender touches - he knew exactly what he was doing. He was skillfully playing with Jungkook's emotions and Jungkook was painfully aware of it.
"So? What do you say?" the older man asked tensely, his eyes fixed on Jungkook. Jungkook hesitated. If he had come back to him with these words a few weeks after their break-up, Jungkook would probably have cried uncontrollably and apologized for everything himself.
Finally, he honestly confessed, "I don't know, it's all so sudden."
Taemin nodded in understanding and his own tears fell onto their jointly held hands. "I'll do everything I can to make it up to you, Kookie. I will prove to you how much I need you and that I will never leave you again." His words were full of determination.
"It will take time, Taemin," the blond whispered. Jungkook looked deep into Taemin's eyes and saw the sincere pain in them. "But maybe... maybe we can try a fresh start... A slow one, as friends."

A smile slid across Taemin's lips, and he wiped the tears from his eyes. "I'll wait for you, Kookie, no matter how long it takes. I'll do everything I can to regain your trust."
Jungkook nodded and slowly detached himself from Taemin, taking a few steps backwards. He wiped the tears from his face as well. "I caught you off guard," the older man stated and again the blond nodded. He didn't know what to say to that.
But when someone rushed towards the railing just a few meters away from them and unceremoniously threw up over it, Jungkook's eyes widened in shock. "I have to check on Jimin now, he's not well," Jungkook muttered, wanting to escape from this situation as quickly as possible. He mentally beat himself up for forgetting about his best friend. That's how upset Taemin had made him. "All right, I'll call you, I still have your number," grinned the older man.
"Do what you can't help but do," Jungkook pressed out and literally fled back into the house.

It all felt surreal to Jungkook.
Had he had too much to drink?
Was he hallucinating?
Was he even ready to forgive Taemin after everything that had happened?
His head couldn't realize the situation yet, while his heart kept telling him that he still loved his ex-boyfriend.
It would take time to rebuild trust, but at this moment, Jungkook at least felt that the door to a possible reconciliation was ajar.

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