COLLIDE [PARK SUNGHOON]

27.

"Now you stay put and listen to me, okay?"

He looks behind him and decides to drag the other couch he has spotted in the room closer and settles down in front of me. I've never seen him so worked up.

"I'm sorry Dahlia, I'm so, so sorry" he hastily announces, afraid I might never hear his apology. I'm actually surprised he's talking to me now.

I scoff and fold my arms suspiciously, not understanding why this is the right time to talk about this. "You're not."

"For fuck's sake, I am! Do you think I enjoy hurting your feelings?" He runs a frustrated hand through his hair and a humorous laugh escapes my lips. At least he knows he has hurt my feelings.

"What was your goal anyway? To use me to eventually throw me down the drain, like I didn't save your ass? Or was this your plan all along? You knew when Areum could skate again so in the meantime, you look for a partner to practice with, so you don't lose important training time or-"

"God no. My feelings were always the truth. I laid them open before you, they've never changed since." He admits and leans forward on the sofa, his eyes scanning all my features to linger a little longer on my lips.

I can't help but laugh. "You say you're sorry but avoid me like the plague and replace me without informing me for no reason" I exclaim with annoyance. He left me feeling so bad, not knowing what I had done wrong to deserve such treatment.

"Listen Dahlia, I had no choice."

A silence engulfs the thick tension in the room and he goes on. "Areum's cast came off earlier than expected, we didn't know. That Friday, they told me this. I wondered why they looked so tense when they revealed this information. It turned out that my coach wanted me to train with Areum again because she thought it'd give us a better chance of winning.... Listen" he begs as soon as he notices that my attention has slackened. My eyes now focus back on his.

"It didn't sit right with me. I trained with you for a long time, you gave your everything for me and I know that. God, I do. You sacrificed so much for me. But I can't just disobey my coach's orders."

I scoff again and avoid looking anywhere but at him and I know it's eating him alive.

"You could have at least told me instead of being a coward and telling me you won't come to training without an explanation just for me to catch you training with Areum. I thought you cared about me, but you're just like everyone else."

His face sags and his shoulders slacken, the party music is muffled and melts away in my ears as this moment keeps heating up. I can't believe I let him slip through my walls, I can't believe I told him things I didn't dare tell a soul, I can't believe I let him sneak in my heart.

He places his head in both his hands before looking up. "I wanted to tell you, really, but I didn't want to hurt you. I thought too long about the way I should tell you that you found out sooner and I'm again so sorry. You didn't deserve that and I know that."

The replacement doesn't really bother me, although it does sting, but it's the way he acted, lied, avoided me. Sure, if he had told me about Areum earlier I would've been sad, but if he had just explained it nicely I would have understood. Yes sad and maybe angry I'd feel, but I had no reason to, because if his coach decides that, then I have nothing to object to.

"Why didn't you just tell me? I would've understood. You waited too long and made me feel so bad." My voice cracks and he slides closer, hesitates but then gently caresses my cheek and what is wrong but so right is that I numbly allow him to do it.

His finger rubs soothingly against my blushing skin. "I refrained from telling you because I cared about your feelings, but I was blinded by that that I didn't realise I was doing the opposite. You've already been through so much suffering and I didn't want to add more suffering to the pile."