The Quiet One: A Red Vs Blue Story

S1 E3: The Rookies

Erica, Simmons and Grif are on top of Red Base. A soldier in standard red armor walks up the ramp behind them.

Simmons: "Hey, that's not exactly what happened.

Grif: "Yes, it is. You said, "I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for–" He gets interrupted.

Soldier in red: "Excuse me, uh, sirs."

Grif: "Sirs?"

Erica: "I'm a woma–" She stops upon seeing the rookie. "Ah, fuck."

Red soldier: "I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge."

Grif: "Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today."

Erica: "Actually, Private, he left me in charge while he's gone. How 'bout that, Simmons?" She says, looking at Simmons who grumbles.

Grif: "Dammit."

Erica: "And, he also told me if I had any trouble from you, private Grif, I should "Git in the Warthog, and crush yer head like a tomato-can." She says, impersonating Sarge as best as she could.

Grif: "That's the worst impression I've ever heard."

Erica: "Shut up."

Simmons turns to the rookie.

Simmons: "Okay rookie, what's your story?"

Donut: "Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens."

Grif: "Couple things here, rookie. First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?"

Donut: "This is the standard issue red."

Grif: "Yeah, I know. Listen, only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer."

Donut: "Well, they're wearing red armor." He says, pointing to Erica and Simmons.

Simmons: "No, my armor is maroon."

Erica: "And I'm crimson. Your armor is red."

Donut: Well, how do I get a different color armor?

Simmons: "I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap."

At blue base, Church, Tucker, Bell, and three soldiers are looking at a tank. The first one is a male and the tallest of the three wearing standard issue blue armor, named Michael J Caboose. The second one is a male and the second tallest wearing cerulean armor with black accents, and named Caleb Caboose. The third one and the shortest is a female wearing electric blue armor with lavender accents, and named Calynn Caboose. They are the Caboose siblings, with Caleb and Calynn being younger than Michael. Michael is telling a story.
(A/N: Calynn = Ca-lynn)

Caboose: "So I say to the guy, 'How are you gonna get the tank down to the planet?' And he goes... 'I'll just put it on the ship. And I go... 'If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?'"

Tucker: "Hey, kid?" He says, turning to Michael.

Caboose: "Yeah?"

Tucker: "You're ruining the moment. Shut up."

Calynn: "Hey, don't talk to my brother like that, cock sucker." She tells Tucker.