The Quiet One: A Red Vs Blue Story

S1 E13: Human Peer Bonding

On top of Blue base.

Tucker: "Let me get this straight...You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose and Caleb, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And, on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?"

Church: "In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary."

Caleb: "That's kinda cool, not gonna lie."

"I wish I could be as cool as her." Bell says.

Caboose: "I should have known. She didn't like me. Girls NEVER like me."

Tucker: "Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you."

Caleb: "Hey, I love Mikey." He says, going serious.

Calynn: "Me too. He's our brother."

Bell: "I like Michael, too. He's my friend."

Tucker: "You're just special, Bell."

Bell: "That's mean." She mutters to herself.

Caleb pats Bells shoulder supportively. Tucker turns back to Church.

Tucker: "I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure she's a chick, and not a guy? or like... part guy, part shark?"

Church: "I'm pretty sure I would know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark."

Caboose: "Wait, wait, wait..." Everyone looks at him. "If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?"

Church: "Uh... Because she's from Texas." Michael just stares at him. "Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with."

Tucker: "Right." He agrees. "You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now half-woman, half-sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!"

Caleb: "He didn't mean it, God." He says, looking up.

Bell turns to Tucker.

Bell: "Even I won't sleep with you, I would rather sleep with James Taylor or Marie Benit. And they both were jerks from my High school."

Tucker: "Wait." He turns to Bell. "One of those is a girl and the other is a guy...does that mean...?"

Bell: "Yes, Tucker, I'm Bi." She says confidently. "And I'm proud of it."

Caleb and Calynn turn to her.

Caleb: "Oh, word? I'm Bi too." He informs.

Calynn: "I'm Lesbian. And I think you're brave for sharing that, Bell." She says

Bell looks at them for a second before jumping up and hugging them both. She lets out a few tears of happiness.

Tucker: "...That's honestly slightly hot. A girl kissing a girl, I could–"

Church: "Will you guys shut up?" He asks.

Caleb: "You being homophobic?" He asks Church.

Church: "N-No." He continues explaining stuff about Tex. "Tex got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic, where they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell."

Caboose: "A.I." He says thoughtfully. "What's the A stand for?"

Church: "Artificial."

Caboose: "What's the I-?"

Church: Intelligence." He interrupts.

Caboose: "Ohhhhhhhhh...What was the A again?"

Church: "Let's move on." He turns back to the others.

Tucker: "So...The military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer, but underneath it all she's really just a sweat, down-home girl?"

Church: "Oh, hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch. It's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements."

Tucker: "Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one." He says sarcastically. "Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper."

Bell: "I kinda wish I was like her."

Tucker: "Why?" He asks her.

Bell: "She's not scared of her own shadow."

Church: "So how are you doing, Caboose? He turns to Michael. "Are you following any of this whatsoever?"

Caboose: "I think so. That guy Tex... is really a robot... and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot."

Calynn and Caleb both let out a snort at that.

Church: "Yeah... That's right... I'm a gay robot."

Caleb: "Congrats, man." He says to Church.

Cut to Grif and Simmons holding Tex at gunpoint.

Grif: "So, you're a girl, huh?"

Tex doesn't say anything.

Simmons: "Just ignore him, that's what I do."

Grif: "Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are уа?"

Tex: "Hey, punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you."

Grif: "Yeah, right. What're you gonna do? Punch me?"

Tex leans in at Grif quickly. Grif flinches and steps back.

Grif: "Ahh! Not in the face!"

Cut to Church on Blue Base.

Church: "Well don't worry. Because I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex."

Tucker: "A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a mission statement?"

Bell: "We must save Tex, though." She says to Tucker.

Church. "I just need you guys to run a distraction while I spring Tex."

Caboose: "Distraction? Heh... That sounds a lot like 'decoy.'"

Church: "The way I see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many Freelancers we have out here. So all I need from the five of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon wearing black armor while I sneak in the back of the base."

Calynn: "Let's do it." She turns to everyone.

Tucker: "But Church, where the hell are we gonna get five suits of black armor?"

Church looks at the teleporter, then Caleb, Calynn Bell and Tucker look at it too.

Tucker: "Oh fuckberries..." He looks at Church.

Bell: "That stuff's hard to clean off armor." She says.

Caleb: "I'll get the hose ready for afterwards." He sighs.

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Word count: 960