The Quiet One: A Red Vs Blue Story

S1 E4: Head Noob in Charge

Church, Tucker, Bell, Caboose, Calynn and Caleb are standing next to the tank outside blue base.

Church: "Yeah, I'll let you in on a little secret. I've, uh... I've actually got a girl back home."

Tucker: "Oh, yeah? Girlfriend or wife?"

Church: "No, man, she's just my girlfriend, you know? We were gonna get married, but... I got shipped out, and... ah, you know how it works."

Bell: "That's so sad." She savs in a sad tone.

Tucker: "Oh, well, are you gonna marry her when you get back?" He asks Church

Caboose: "I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'"

Caleb: "He was a really wise man."

Bell: "Caboose!"

Calynn lets out a small snicker as she tries not to laugh.

Church: "Hey, rookie! Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?" He asks the older sibling while taking a step closer to him.

Tucker: "No, I think he called her a slut." He says, turning to Church.

Bell: "Caboose, sweety, please never say anything like that again."

Calynn: "R-Right. Never say that again, Mikey." She says, and then whispers in his ear. "Even though that was hilarious."

Church: "I'll tell you what, noob. I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do.

Caboose: "Great."

Church: "See, we've got this general."

Tucker: "Right, the general guy."

Bell: "General? What ge-?" She questions before getting cut off by Church turning to her. "Sorry."

Church: "Who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do is, I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by." He says, then turns to Caleb "That goes for you too, rookie."

Calynn turns to Caleb and whispers

Calynn: "That sounds like bullshit."

Caleb: "Language." He tells her

Caboose: "When is he coming by?"

Tucker: "We never know. Could be today, could be a week from now."

Caleb: "You want us to stand at attention for a week?" He asks with disbelief

Church: "You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag."

Caboose: "What's so important about the flag?"

Church: "Oh, come on! Don't they teach you guys anything in training?"

Caleb: "They didn't teach us about flags. Why's this one important?"

Calynn: "Because it's not important, Caleb. He's just saying that so he can make you stand next to the flag for an entire week."

Church: "Hey, Caboose girl, shut up."

Calynn: "My name is Calynn."

Church: "I don't care."

Bell: " C-Church, that's not nice."

Church: "Shut up, Bell." He says, then turns to Caleb and Michael. "And it's important because it's the flag, man. You know, it's the f–it's the flag, it's...Bell, you tell him why the flag is so important."