𝑱𝑼𝑱𝑼𝑻𝑺𝑼 𝑲𝑨𝑰𝑺𝑬𝑵 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑪𝑨𝑵𝑶𝑵𝑺

itadori yuji- the shibuya incident.

A/N : so this is basically itadori's thoughts at the shibuya incident and what kinda happens so spoilers!!!

also tw for themes of suicide, violence, and vomit so please scroll if you find this uncomfortable or triggering 

what have I done. 

what the fuck have i done. 

i stare blankly ahead, millions of images running through my head all at once. 

innocent people, dead by my hands. 

these hands that are supposed to protect the innocent. the weak. those who are unable to defend themselves. that is my purpose as a jujutsu sorcerer, to protect non-shamans so they can live in a world where they don't have to live in fear. 

bullshit. 

what have i done. 

i can feel it. i can hear it. 

i can feel the blood of the innocents on my hands, burning into my skin, scratching me, itching me, i have to get rid of the stains somehow. i start to tear it off by dragging it across the gravel, trying to get rid of the stains, the lives, the tears...that are now on my hands. 

and forever will be, no matter how much skin i tear off of them, no matter how much blood i draw from them, even if i rip them off this very body, these stains will still be there.  

i caused this. all of it. mass destruction. 

all of it. 

those 2 innocent sisters, i killed one of them before the other's eyes and slashed the other to pieces, smiling at the sight of her brains scattered across the cold floor, watching with a conent grin on my face as her corpse falls to the ground with a loud splatter and spray of blood coating the dark walls. 

this is all my fault. 

vomit. 

i vomit. 

i'm disgusted by myself, i vomit. i vomit until there is nothing left to throw up. 

all i see before me is miles upon miles of barren land, barren land that i decimated to ash. homes of families and innocent people that are now gone because of me. the smoke that lays thick in the air fills my nostrils and i begin to cough violently, choking on the bitter taste of my weakness.

i deserve to die. only me. i deserve to die. a long, slow, painful death. 

die. 

die.

die.

DIE

DIE 

JUST FUCKING DIE ALREADY!

what would grandpa think if he saw what i've done? what will megumi think? what's gojo-sensei going to think when he escapes the prison realm and sees the death and mass destruction that i've caused?

 but all of a sudden, 

i feel nothing. 

i feel nothing but the void inside my heart, as immense as the very world itself, but my heart still feels so fucking heavy. heavy with the souls of those i took, marinating inside of me and tearing my very being apart and destroying any remnants of empathy i have left inside. i don't have the luxury to wallow in self-hatred and pity for myself. i don't have the right to feel sad or suffer. 

i deserve death. i deserve to never feel anything again. 

I HAVE TO SAVE AS MANY LIVES, IF NOT MORE THAN THE AMOUNT THAT I TOOK. IF I DON'T, I'M JUST AN ORDINARY KILLER.