Study Buddies

"Flea infested vermin"

CHAPTER SEVEN

(This is dedicated to Kian. or smashsos on here @ blonde.mikey on instagram. Kian was my best internet friend. It's so hard to say that on June 22 he took his own life. I miss him like crazy and I'm having a really hard time with it. RIP Kian I love you so fucking much and im crying just mentioning it. Heaven will do you good I know it because you were absolutely amazing. You are now my little angel.I miss you but I'm glad you're no longer in pain. Again I love you Kian. )

I stared at myself in the mirror. I had been starring long and hard for about an hour. Studying myself with my flaws.

Nothing really happened today. I managed to avoid 5sos beatings today. I guess they dint want to risk murdering me. Calum didn't even verbally abuse me.

I talked Alana into having a study date with me today. She liked to call it "Using the nerd to get better grades." So I was waiting for her to arrive.

I continued to stare at myself. I leaned forward on my wooden desk to get a closer look. My face was finally starting to scab. I counted a total of seven scabs forming a circle on my still swollen cheek.

My flat blonde hair was kind of greasy. I hated this age. I was a sweaty, pimply, awkward teenager. My mum says stuff like this happens to everyone but that doesn't help the situation.

I was ugly and that's all there was to it. Girl think boys don't get self conscious but we do. I hated myself. My face was puffy and red from a mixture of acne and hits to the face. No girl would want that.

Randy was right, I just didn't want to admit it. I would die alone and ugly, because what people say about me is true.

I'm weak. I'm worthless, pathetic. I'm a loser.

I rested my forehead on my reflection. I was insecure and it filled me with pin like an evil alien invasion burning the planet ad killing an life that still remained.

The door bell rang and I swallowed the lump building up in my throat. Alana.

I called at my mum telling her I'd get it and opened the door.

Her hair was crimped in a perfect pony tail. My eyes trailed down to her blue sun dress.

"Ew. can you not?" She pushed past me and entered the house. "Where's your room?"

"Upstairs."

"Luke!" My mum called.

"Erm. I'll met you there."

I left Alana and went to my mum.

"Who's that?"

"Alana?"

"Is this your study date?'

"More or less." I said remembering back to what she called it.

"No funny business."

I knew exactly what she meant. "Ew mum no it's not like that. She doesn't even like me."

"Some people have sex even though there's no love involved."

"Ok mum no gross. Don't worry." I kissed her head. "Nothing like that is going down."

"I hope there's no going down."

I cringed at her sexual comment and headed up the stairs. Alana was sitting on the bed looking bored.

"I've never had a girl over before." I said trying to break the ice.

"Yeah well don't get used to it. I'm about the only girl you'll ever have in here and I'm not here because I want to be."

I looked down at the ground embarrassed. Ok not a good start. "I like your outfit." I tried.