CHAPTER FIFTEEN

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📍 Brussels  — 2020

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📍 Brussels  — 2020

The morning air felt crisp through my green cardigan, tall cup of coffee in my hand as I walked through the green land that surrounded the back of the house. Today felt lighter than most mornings had felt in a while, I didn't wake up with the sense of anxiety that seemed to rack through my chest every time I woke up.

Taking a sip of my coffee, my eyes linger up to the sky, taking in the big open blue beauty, clouds painting it in a way I felt Catalina would love.

Catalina.

I was so addicted to the crazy curly haired girl I found on the side of the road. Her mind seemed to take over mine most days, making me want to see the world the way she did. I inhaled the smell of coffee and nature, closing my eyes so I could picture his face. His smile. His eyes.

"Hey, Robin. Pops. God this is weird," I shook my head laughing, looking down at my feet, "You know, Catalina would tell me this wasn't weird at all, but something about the fact that you can't answer back weirds me out. Me, the man who does shrooms and sees visions, weirded out by speaking to the silence."

I licked my lips, deciding to keep walking further into the back land, pacing always helped my thoughts, maybe it could help this.

"I hope I'm doing this trip right. Hope you're happy with what your car has seen so far. I gotta play more of your music, I know it. But, Catalina loves running the radio," I chuckled, running my free hand through my hair.

"You would love her, Robin. She's a bit of you. So witty, quick with her mouth. The things she says and does,...she's out of a movie. A good 80s early 90s movie with amazing dialogue. I wake up on my toes with her, but in a good way. Like I have to be ready to keep up, for the next adventure, ready to go when the next idea pops in her mind."

I drank more coffee, just listening to the sounds of nature around me. A sudden warmth, making me feel like I was being held, I couldn't help my tears. I quickly wiped them away, "She brings me the happy feeling you did, pops. Like I'm important enough to mean something to someone. I'm scared obviously, because this is not what this trip was supposed to be. After the last one, I fucked it all up, I don't want to do that again. I have so much left to heal...." I took a deep breath, looking back over my shoulder, "She's healing though. It's like her being is the perfect sized bandage for the gaping hole you left me, pops."

Facing forward, I swallowed down the lump in my throat, finishing off my coffee, "I'm obviously all over the place. I miss you, Robin. Mum misses you immensely. Keep an extra eye on her, yeah? Give me a bit of ease. I'll...I'll try and talk to you more. I'll try. I'm going to head back. Love you big man."

I took a deep breath and nodded, turning on my heels and walking back towards the house. As I approached, I heard movement in the barn, soft music coming from inside. As I got closer, I realized it was one of Robin's CDs, jazz filling the air and I couldn't help but peek my eyes up at the sky, chuckling. I rounded the corner, taking a peek inside, spotting Lina moving around the paints, my dress shirt hanging on her body like it was its new home. In her hand was a piece of toast, she took soft little bites from it as she chose her brushes. I watched her reach for the oil paints, holding the toast in her mouth as she squeezed out the colors she wanted onto a palette. Oil paints weren't her usual, but I was glad she was making use of everything I managed to get.

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