Act I
Scene I. The McAdams Mansion
Enter DEBBY
(On the phone with her younger sister, Terry)
Debby: Yes. You know it's the holidays, and I have a big enough house to contain all my little nieces and nephews, and you as well. (laughs lightheartedly) Just bring them with you, okay? Three weeks is not even enough time to hang out with my family, but it's all we have. Let us make do with it. I'll go ahead and make arrangements for the kids' room. Alright. Be seeing you. Bye!
(She hangs up and plops on the exquisite couch)
Debby: Rhoda!
Enter RHODA
Rhoda: You called, Ma!
Debby: Yes. My younger sister and her children will be arriving first thing tomorrow morning. I want all the guest rooms swept and dusted off.
Rhoda: (curtseys with a slight bend of both knees) Yes, Ma.
Debby: Make sure all the beddings are properly washed. Remove anything white from the kids' bedrooms. I can't have them ruining those insanely expensive fabrics with food and drink stains.
Rhoda: Of course, Ma. (reluctantly makes to leave) Will that be all, Ma?
Debby: Inform Amaechi that I'll be leaving for the salon in an hour. Let him wash and fuel my favorite Mercedes before then.
Rhoda: Right away, Ma. I'll take my leave.
(Debby flicks her hand dismissively)
Exit RHODA
Debby: (to herself) I wonder what kind of woman doesn't shower twice a day. To think I employed a pig as my housemaid is baffling to me.
(Scene fades and opens into the back of the mansion)
Enter OGA LINUS
Oga Linus: (finds Amaechi lying down) Amaechi, which time wey you come turn homeless person? Why you lie down for here like say government don demolish your house?
Amaechi: (slowly rises with a frown) Oga Linus, good afternoon.
Oga Linus: Ehn, afternoon. Sun dey shine like this, but e no even touch your face. Your face no bright at all. Wetin dey happen?
Amaechi: Oga Linus na malaria dey worry me since last week Saturday.
Oga Linus: (visibly worried) Ah ah! Malaria keh? You never go clinic make you buy tablet take treat am?
Amaechi: No oh, Oga Linus. Madam never pay me this month. The small money wey I bin get, I carry am give my woman to buy latest handbag.
Oga Linus: (bursts into laughter) Amaechi. You say wetin?
Amaechi: I say—
Oga Linus: No repeat am! Small sense you no get. Person wey see you as you dey drive your madam inside big motor go think say you get sense, but your sense just dey like kuli kuli.
Amaechi: (frowns) Oga Linus, why you come dey insult me now?
Oga Linus: Because you wey suppose carry money go buy malaria medicine to treat yourself, you go carry am give woman to buy handbag. The handbag wey she buy, good health dey inside? Ehn, Amaechi? You dey here malaria wan kill you. Your eyes don red finish like who smoke igbo, but your woman dey gallivant with new handbag. (Bursts into laughter again)
Amaechi: Oga Linus, please stop this now.
Oga Linus: Come on, shut up your mouth! Go ask your madam make you fit find money buy malaria medicine make you take before you die for another person house oh.
Amaechi: Oga Linus, but you know madam now. If I go and ask her for money to treat myself, she will ask me to wait until I get paid. And my salary is not due until upper week Wednesday. You know say nothing concyn madam with our personal lives oh. That woman dey heartless.
Oga Linus: (appears to be in deep thought) Ehn, this tin wey you talk na true oh, Amaechi. (leans in close and whispers) Madam dey behave like winsh sef. I dey pity her husband well well. The man dey try, true to God.
Amaechi: (whispers as well) If na me be Oga Dean, I for don pursue her tey tey. Tufiakwa!
Oga Linus: (nods in agreement) In other news, you better find way to get treatment for yourself, Amaechi.
Amaechi: I will try my best, Oga.
Enter RHODA
Rhoda: (yells) Amaechi!
Amaechi: Tah, no dey shout my name like that. Wetin dey worry you?
Rhoda: I'm not ready for your trouble this afternoon. Madam said I should tell you that she will be going to the salon in an hour, and that you should wash and fuel her favorite Benz before then.
Oga Linus: So na wetin you wan tell am wey make you dey shout him name be that?
Rhoda: Yes now!
Amaechi: Na try you dey try me since the first day wey madam bring you from your waterside village come this Port Harcourt.
Rhoda: As if you're not also from a waterside.
Amaechi: I agree, but my waterside is London compared to your own waterside.
Oga Linus: Two of una waterside na dustbin. Make una shut up go do wetin dem send una to do.
Amaechi: No be this useless girl dey find trouble up and down.
Rhoda: It is your ugly girlfriend that is useless, idiot.
Amaechi: (laughs scornfully) If there was a contest for ugly people, you will bag first place, Rhoda. You will be crowned Miss World for Ugliest Woman Alive. Look at your legs like open bracket and close bracket.
Oga Linus: I no even know why I dey here dey separate children wey dey quarrel.
Exit OGA LINUS
Rhoda: (stomps her foot in annoyance) Oga Linus, come back and tell Amaechi to leave me alone.
Amaechi: If I make mistake hold you one day (touches his index to his tongue) ehn, make I die. God forbid say I go touch you.
Rhoda: You better respect yourself, Amaechi. I'm not your mate and can never be your mate.
Amaechi: In stupidity! Yes. I can never take the throne of stupidity from you because you be senior man for that area, you get.
Rhoda: (extends her five fingers toward him) God will punish you.
Amaechi: (mirrors her action) Punish your papa.
Rhoda exits angrily
(Scene closes)
GLOSSARY OF WORDS USED IN THIS CHAPTER
Kuli Kuli – a popular Nigerian snack made from crushed peanuts, also called Groundnut chips or Groundnut cakes
Igbo – pidgin slang for marijuana/weed
Winsh – a pidgin alternate spelling and pronunciation of witch
Tufiakwa – meaning "God forbid" in the Western language of the Nigerian Igbo Tribe
YOU ARE READING
The Eye of Broken Things
General FictionA Nigerian Play A rich and narcissistic, self-indulgent Nigerian wife faces the consequences for neglecting her marriage and children. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written perm...
