Just can't say goodbye (DESTIEL)

11 ~ After

2003

It had been over 2 years since Sam's death, and Dean leaving the group. He felt regret, but it gradually went away. He never heard from the group since he left, but that never really bothered him. 

Dean's only form of survival was eating whatever he could find, and sleeping in the impala. He had made some acquaintances over the years, but most of them had died or turned. He promised himself not to make any more friends, because of what happened to Sam. He thought about what happened to Cas from time to time, and gradually, all the resentment and hatred went away and was replaced with sympathy.

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October 25th, 2003. 7:00pm. St Louis, Missouri.

Dean was sitting in front of a small campfire, watching the flames dance in the night sky. The warmth of the fire was comforting on his face, and the smell of the smoke was oddly soothing. He let his thoughts wander as he watched the fire, and his mind began to wander to the past. Mainly Sam and Cas. He never knew what truly happened to Cas, but wished him well. Suddenly and ironically, he felt his old flip phone buzzing in his coat pocket. 

"What the hell?" He whispered to himself, picking up the call.

"Dean?" The familiar voice almost made him jump. It was Cas.

"What the hell? How did you get this number?" 

"Sam gave it to me when we met at the gas station, but that's not important. I need you to meet me at an abandoned hospital in Chicago." 

"What the hell is wrong with you? You never called, or tried to check in on me. Also, why Chicago, and what abandoned hospital?"

"Please, Dean not now. Everyone is dead." Cas interrupted.

Dean's expression changed as he stood right up, walked over to the impala, and made his way over to Chicago.

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2:00am - October 26th

The drive was only 6 hours, which Dean didn't consider that long. There was nothing important that happened along the way, in fact, one may say the drive was smooth. 

After the drive, Dean pulled up to a small abandoned looking hospital. He got out of the impala and looked at the building, noticing how old looking and run-down it looks. He could see the windows and doors all boarded up, covered in dust and spider webs. The roof had collapsed in several places, leaving the interior exposed to the elements. But despite its state of disrepair, the hospital still stood tall and proud even after all these years.

Dean walked up to the hospital and saw Cas standing by a rusty, abandoned truck parked next to the building. He was dressed in the same old clothes he used to, but his hair was grown out, and his face was covered in dirt and scars. He looked like a completely different person, like someone who had been through a tough road. 

Dean's face was full of surprise, and he didn't know what to feel, seeing Cas like this. The last time he saw him, Cas was full of hope and confidence, a man who could face almost anything with a smile. But now, Cas seemed almost the opposite. He had changed, and it hurt Dean to see him this way.

"Oh, Cas, you son of a bitch. What the hell happened to you?"

Cas stayed silent, a shy look on his face. He didn't seem to want to answer, and Dean couldn't handle the silence.

"What the hell happened to you? Cas, what did you mean that everyone is dead?"

"Not here. They're listening." Cas grabbed Dean's hand and took him behind the hospital.

"The government, they're killing anyone they think is trouble. People fight back, but they get killed because they think they're infected. That's how the rest of the group died, thats how I got this." Cas pulled up his sleeve to reveal a somewhat fresh cut on his arm. Right after seeing the wound, Dean's eyes widened with fear. The wound was pretty fresh, and Cas obviously didn't have any proper medical treatment. Dean saw how Cas's face contorted with pain, and he realized that he needed to help him. 

"Holy shit, are you alright?" Dean took off his jacket and placed it over Cas's wound.

"I'm fine. I've had worse." Cas smiled, and gave Dean back his jacket.

Dean stood with Cas, not knowing what to say or how to respond. He didn't know how, but he felt the need to comfort Cas in some way. He pulled Cas into a hug, and tried to give him a sense of protection and warmth.

The two stood there, holding each other close, feeling the lost love they once felt for each other. They both felt a sense of relief, and neither wanted to let go. They stayed like this for a minute, enjoying the warmth of each other's body.

"I never stopped thinking about you." Cas said, and looked straight into Dean's eyes.

"No shit, you killed my brother. But thanks, I guess." Dean said, his eyes filled with hope, but a sliver of resentment. He couldn't believe that Cas still thought of him all this time, and it made him feel so loved and cared for, but he couldn't let go of what happened to Sam. 

"No, I know it was only one night, but something about you changed me. I haven't ever felt this way for other guys." Cas replied. Dean didn't know what to say, regret filled his body, knowing he could have done something to help.

"Cas, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have just left like that."

"No," Cas went on "Sam was dead, and I'm a fucking idiot for actually killing him, don't blame yourself. Blame me." 

Dean's heart melted at the words, and he couldn't believe that Cas still cared for him after all this time. "I do, but I guess there's always two sides to a story. I didn't even try to help, I just left you to go on with your life. Did you really feel like that the whole time? Oh, and not to mention the trauma' or whatever you probably have for shooting Sam."

"Yeah, but it's fine I shouldn't have even agreed-" Cas was going to continue, but got interrupted. 

"It's not fine, Cas. I should have stayed. Everyone would be happier if I hadn't been this way about it. I mean I was, and still sort of am mad at you for killing Sam, you shouldn't have agreed, but still. I'm so, so sorry Cas." Dean was trying to contain his feelings, but he couldn't help but let them overflow, and a tear dripped down his face. Cas looked surprised, and pulled Dean into a hug, soothing him as best he could.

"Dean, what's the matter? Why are you apologizing?"

"I don't think you know how many times I tried to end it. I lost almost everyone, and I knew I couldn't come back to you."

"You can always come back to me. It was me who couldn't come back to you."

"Yeah. It's kind of crazy how it's been years but we still can talk like this. You can always come back to me too," Dean looked around the dark area. "It's late, where should we sleep?"

"I'll show you, just follow me." Cas started to walk over with a flashlight in his hand, guiding the way.

"Take my hand."

Dean took Cas's hand and walked behind him, allowing Cas to guide him to the place where they would stay the night. Dean couldn't help but feel relieved, as he realized that he wasn't alone anymore. He now had someone he could trust with him, and he wouldn't have to face this scary world alone.

They walked into an open patch of grass, with a few trees around them resembling a shelter. The night sky was filled with stars, the moon casting a bright light over everything. The trees around them provided a sense of security, and the air was fresh and crisp. Cas took out a red tent from his bag, and set it out in the middle of the grass. The tent was big enough to fit them both, but they had to squeeze together, but they didn't mind.

Both exhausted, Dean and Cas laid down and closed their eyes, letting sleep take them. As they drifted off, Dean felt the presence of Cas next to him, his back to his body. He felt the warmth of his skin, and felt at peace for the first time in a while.