𝘖𝘳𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘤- mysterious and entrancing; beyond ordinary understanding
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She's never been outside of her house.
It hadn't ever been a problem until now.
But now she's alone.
The only closure she has is a singular lette...
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Giovanni's POV:
How can someone so vulnerable make me feel so many things? With each giggle, each blush, each pure intention, my frozen heart begins to thaw. Bit by bit, I'm reminded of who I used to be. Is it painful? Yes, most definitely. Do I wish I could continue to cover up my pain and be numb? Also a yes.
If this is what it takes for me to take care of Rosary though, it's worth it. For her, I'd go through my hell of a life over and over again. She breathed life into my once-dead heart and now it solely beats for her. My life is hers to take.
Is this what love feels like? I wouldn't know; I've never been interested in anyone. Having an attachment to someone in my line of work is self-sabotage. It's a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and shatter your life into a million pieces.
I used to wonder how others could be so impossibly idiotic when they formed relationships with partners. They're practically asking to be blackmailed, I told myself. But now that I have Rose, I'm beginning to understand.
Sometimes I feel as though I would rather die than let fragolina mia go. It's terribly selfish, I know. She deserves so much better than me. Loving me is a suicide mission. And yet, I can't help but want her to be close to me at all times.
The worst part about it all is I've been keeping her in the dark about everything. I hate lying to Rose, but I can't bring myself to confess. The truth is, for the first time since I was a child, I'm scared. I'm scared she will leave me from fear; I'm scared she'll despise me for what I do; but most of all, I'm scared she won't even give me a chance to prove to her that I can be a good person.
Before Rose, I was simply a machine. I didn't feel things, and if I did it was rage. Day in and day out I had one objective: do my job well. I had no purpose to live but I kept going anyway. I should have died so many times throughout my life, but for some unknown reason, I didn't.
Except now, I think I understand why. Someone needed me more than I needed myself. From the moment I heard her heart-wrenching cries for help, my heart began to solely beat for the girl with the russet eyes. It's alarming how quickly I've become completely dependent on her.
Within a few days, she's managed to wiggle herself into my stone-cold heart and completely change my world. I no longer live to kill, instead I live for her.
And believe me when I say there is nothing more terrifying than an obsessed mafia boss.
"Hey Gio?" Rose's sweet voice rings through the car as we drive back to my place.
"Yeah?"
"Are your parents alive?" I tense slightly at the touchy subject. To put it simply, my past isn't pretty. I want to be as transparent as possible with her though; she deserves to know something about me.
"If you don't want to talk about it you don't have to." Rose rushes out before I can respond.
"No, it's alright."
"Promise?" She holds out her pinky, I know exactly what that means.
"Promise," I intertwine our fingers and attempt to give her a reassuring smile. "My mamma passed away when I was ten and my father when I was eighteen." Saying it out loud transports me to a different time.
I see my sickly mother, lying almost lifeless at death's door just days before passing away. I see my father grieving and displacing his anger on others; mostly me though. I was a constant reminder of the life he once had and the love of his life hurting while he simply had to stand and watch.
I like to believe he didn't actually mean the things he said. I told myself he was sad and probably mentally ill; he had to still love me deep in his heart...right? But before I knew it, he was gone too.
All it takes is one moment to lose someone; one moment of misjudgment, one moment of hesitation, one moment of distraction.
Do I really want to put Rose in that position? More honestly, am I willing to do that to myself? I don't even know.
I shouldn't love her, it's wrong and I know it. So why am I being so selfish? Why do I continue to put her in danger while lying to her along the way? I'm a horrible person.
While deep in my thoughts, Rosary reaches over to me and gently gives me an awkward side hug. Instead of letting go after a few seconds, she just starts to rub my arm and smiles sweetly up at me. She's a literal angel. Mio angelo.
It's at that moment I make a promise to myself; no matter the cost, I will always do what is best for Rose.
