𝘖𝘳𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘤- mysterious and entrancing; beyond ordinary understanding
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She's never been outside of her house.
It hadn't ever been a problem until now.
But now she's alone.
The only closure she has is a singular lette...
𝘞𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘪- the deep introspection experienced in moments of isolated silence
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Dear no one,
I feel disgusting.
I thought I knew him, I truly did; but apparently, I was completely wrong. It turns out he had been lying to me the entire time.
Everything was so perfect in the beginning; he made me feel safe and was always there for me. He was the man I had imagined a future with on many occasions. I trusted him with my heart because I didn't think he could possibly break it.
That was a huge mistake.
I said I loved him, and I did; I loved the sweet man who saved me. He said his name was Theodore... until it wasn't.
The Theodore I thought he was wouldn't rape me. He wouldn't leave me in a cold concrete room for days on end. Theodore wouldn't do it, but Leviathan would, and he does.
I don't love Leviathan.
I hate him.
I want nothing more than to see him rot in hell like he deserves. Every time he touches me, all I see is red. I've never wanted anything more than to see this man dead.
I think the thing that hurts most though is that I've got no one besides him. Even if I did escape somehow, I wouldn't have anywhere to go or anyone to go to. It's not an amazing feeling to know that the only person in the entire world who even remotely cares about you is a psychopath who kidnapped you.
But it doesn't matter, I am determined to get out. I don't care who this guy thinks he is. I'm not about to let fear of the unknown rule my life.
It's been two days since I was locked in this cement room. In total, I've been kidnapped for around four days.
I'm beginning to worry Gio isn't going to come save me. Being the insecure person I am, irrational doubt has been creeping into my thoughts; what if he didn't actually love me? Maybe I imagined everything. Or worse, maybe Mr. Rossi killed Gio that day.
I don't know, but I do know that I'm scared. I miss him so much and even if doesn't love me, I still hope he's safe. Giovanni doesn't deserve to get wrapped up in my problems. No one deserves that.
After all, it is my family; I can and will be a big girl and face my problems by myself. I'm not about to let my failure of a father ruin my life.
So far, I've been lucky in the sense that Mr. Rossi hasn't wanted to see me and do unspeakable things to me since he locked me in this cement room. While it has been nice not seeing him, it also means I'm constantly in fear of when he will inevitably remember me.
I think he's trying to punish me for attempting to run away by keeping me locked down here in isolation. He probably thinks he is making me go insane and when he finally lets me out, I'll thank him and do whatever he wants.
That's not what's going to happen.
Silence is a powerful thing, I remember Mama saying. Back then, I didn't understand the true meaning behind her words; but I do now.
I remember that day; it was pouring and the sky was a dark grey. Mama had just gotten done having an especially horrible fit and I was sobbing in my room.
Somehow I found myself walking to her room and knocking on the door praying she would let me in; I just wanted to check on her I told myself. I heard a faint, "Come in Angel," from the other side and let myself in rushing to her side. All I wanted in that moment was for her to tell me everything was going to be okay.
Hugging her, I couldn't help but start crying again. "Mama, what happens when you have fits?" I blurted out, instantly regretting it; we never talked about that stuff because I was too afraid it would trigger her.
But that's not what happened. Instead of yelling at me, pushing me away, or even crying, Mama just looked at me and said, "My ugly past comes back to haunt me."
She told me how she used to despise the loneliness she felt when she was by herself and everything was quiet. She explained how she eventually learned that silence doesn't necessarily mean loneliness though. She told me that rather than letting silence control me, I would need to learn how to control it.
Use it to strengthen you. Don't let it beat your soul black and blue. Don't make it your enemy; instead, befriend it. Learn to appreciate it and you will go far in the world. Turn your weaknesses into strengths and then watch what happens when people underestimate you.
Suddenly, all of the dots seem to connect. Those psychotic fits Mama used to have? They were memories. She has gone through everything I'm going through right now and probably much worse (I can't imagine she voluntarily wanted to have a kid with that monster).
Deep down in her heart, Mama knew one day he would find us. All of those years in isolation, she was secretly teaching me how to survive when he did. Now it's time to make Mama proud.
