Five Weeks in the Amazon - #true #story

Chapter 19 - I Have A Dream

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 17

12:55pm, sitting at the bus stop waiting for a bus back to Iquitos

The pain in my back is almost gone but at random times it still bothers me. I wonder if smoking marijuana is the reason it still hurts. Besides pleasuring myself again last night, it's the only part of the diet I haven't followed directly. Perhaps weed is not letting my body detoxify itself.

The question is, why would something that feels so natural be wrong? How can swinging in a hammock, writing, and smoking a joint be a bad thing? Isn't it an herb which naturally grows here in the jungle? Isn't its purpose clear by the use we've found for it?

It feels like the right thing to do, and I'm going with what feels right. Just like when I used an orgasm last night to escape from sleeplessness. From now on, I am going to decide for myself what is right, and place my own values on things instead of following the values of others.

While staying here, I've only eaten the food that I get served from Juliana, under the direction of Otillia (I assume). I've had a few different bags of nuts and two huge bottles of water in my room, but the bugs got into the nuts right away and I let them have the rest.

I'm proud that I've been able to stick to Ayahuasca diet for so many days. I have been eating lots of rice, vegetables, fruits, and grains. Most meals usually have eggs, sometimes fresh fish or chicken. Lots of the food is boiled or steamed, with nothing more than its natural taste inside it. The diet isn't just limiting what food I eat, it is limiting all the crap that comes with food. The main focus is to help the body return to a natural state, which in culinary terms, means NO seasonings and NO spices.

I am noticing my body is beginning to want different things. It feels like my appetite is leading me towards foods with sustenance and nutrition rather than a never-ending, gluttonous hunger directing me when I eat.

If all I did was follow this diet and nothing else, that alone would be a healthy and detoxifying experience. No sugar, no soda, and of course not a single drop of alcohol since the first night I came to Iquitos.

For lack of a better word, I feel clean. Maybe I'm a little bit physically weak from lack of activity, but I feel healthy nonetheless. When I return home there will be more food than I need and I can exercise to my heart's content. Gaining a few pounds of muscle won't be hard. The benefit I will have is I will be rebuilding from a fresh foundation, from a new baseline.

Joshua told me my face looked different yesterday. He said the muscles were more relaxed. It was an honest compliment and when I thought about it later, I noticed I had a sense of ease, or lack of tension, in the front of my forehead, right between my eyes. In fact, during the last ceremony I thought I heard something pop, like a flower bulb had opened in that place. Could this have something to do with what I have read about the Pineal gland?

All I remember is that it's located in the geometric centre of the brain and has something to do with dreaming, the time you die, and the chemical DMT (which is found in ayahuasca).

Perhaps there are parts of my subconscious being healed that I am not aware of. Maybe this calmness has come from having muscles relax I didn't even know were tense. Is the Ayahuasca responsible for my tranquil, homeostatic state? Or is it just my perspective? Is my personal growth just another self-fulfilling prophecy?



Man, if there is one emotion I am becoming more familiar with, it's missing Big Tuna! That's what I jokingly call Kelsey, in reference to the time we ran the hill on Big Tuna Rd., near Los Angeles. I have to laugh when I think about the absurdity of it. What a fun time we had, but we sure worked hard that day.