Bent Not Broken: Kabelo and Zuzile

CHAPTER ONE

Zuzile Mfusi

I’ve been tossing and turning the whole night, and finally decided to wake and stop fighting the insomnia. My life is currently upside down, sleep is the last thing on my mind.
My life is about to take a massive turn, a turn I’m not sure I’m prepared for. Yes, I will admit, I love Kabelo with my heart and soul, but since he’s come into the picture, things have just been changing at a fast pace, and I hate to admit that I’m not keeping up.
I should have been more cautious, because I knew exactly what tricks Kabelo had up his sleeve, his intention has always been made known to me, and I’ve been avoiding it, but now I can’t avoid it any longer.
I took the last two days off of work because I’ve been sick. It made me very suspicious because I’m not someone who gets sick often. So, one can imagine the shock I was under when the doctor announced to me that my boyfriend had planted his little stupid seed inside my womb. I’m in distress!
In my defence, I’m a grown woman, I don’t have to worry about parents shouting at me and all that other nonsense, I might be living under their roof, but I’m independent, and they understand that. They also love Kabelo, I have no doubt that they will be ecstatic, his parents too. I don’t know about me though.
I want to be happy about this, but sometimes our past creeps back up and reminds me that anything is still possible.
This is the same man who upped and left me 11 years ago, with no explanation. He left me with a broken heart and a fistful of tears. I was left to pick up the many broken pieces of my heart, I bounced back, I found a man that loved me wholeheartedly, and I spent at least 6 years in a relationship with Sandile, and I was genuinely happy; but Kabelo came back and swept me off my feet and I allowed him. I found myself back in Kwa-Zulu Natal, crazy in love with him all over again like he had never even left. I dropped Sandile like a hot potato under boiling conditions, and till this day, the guilt eats me up.
But Kabelo has taken the last 4 years to prove to me that he’s a good man, and that he has grown, and ready to become serious. That gave me little room to be comfortable; but I got too comfortable and now I’m expecting his child.
This man has been calling me since last night, and I have successfully ignored him, because I can’t begin to imagine what his reaction to this will be. That, and the fact that I’m so afraid of telling him about my newest discovery. But I feel bad now for ignoring him the whole night, so when my phone rings again, I pick it up, hoping my voice doesn’t sell me out.
“Mthiyane.” I answered.
“Hey baby, are you okay? I was worried sick about you, why weren’t you answering your phone?” I could hear the concern in his voice.
“I’m sorry sthandwa sami, I had an early night, I didn’t hear it, but I’m okay.” meanwhile I’m sniffing because tears are having their way with me.
The moment I heard his voice, something inside of me was triggered. I don’t know why I’m so emotional.
“Okay but why are you crying?” he catches me out.
I have absolutely nowhere to run.
“Calm down Kabelo. We need to talk about something.” I always feel the need to calm him down when his tone changes like that.
“Does it have to do with the reason why you are crying and ignoring my calls?” he raises his voice.
Now he’s anything but calm.
“Kabelo don’t raise your voice at me.” he sighs out in frustration.
This man has always been short fused, and he knows I hate it.
“I’m sorry sthandwa sami, don’t cry please.” he begs in his gruff voice.
“You should also stop shouting at me, you know I don’t like being shouted at.” I tell him.
“I won’t do it again. Where are you?” he asks.
“I’m at home.” I answer.
“Okay, I’m on my way.” he says before he hangs up.
Damn! I’m not ready to face him like I know I should. I think I should have given myself room to digest this first because I only found this out yesterday. How am I going to break this to him without him finding out that I’m on the fence about it? I know for most of it, he’s going to be happy, the problem here is me.
It’s not long before my phone rings again and he’s telling me he’s outside. I swear he was already on his way here when he called me, there is no way. I went to wash my face and brush my teeth, I wasn’t going to go take a shower now, he might be in a rush, I don’t want to make him wait. I threw on a robe on top of my pyjamas before I made my way downstairs. The first person I ran into was my dearest mother.
“Morning baby.” she greeted with a smile.
“Morning mom.” I returned the smile.
“Are you feeling better? What did the doctor say?” she questions.
I told her I wasn’t feeling well, and she knew I went to visit the doctor, but I avoided everyone yesterday after the doctor’s visit. Especially my mom because I know she wouldn’t let it go; like she won’t know if I don’t avoid her.
“Yeah, I’m feeling better, but we will talk when I come back. Kabelo is outside.” I say.
“Why don’t you tell him to come in?” he’s the golden boy here at the Zungu’s.
“No, we need to discuss something important, but I can tell him to come in if you really want to talk to him.” I say.
“No, it’s okay, you can go.”
I rushed past her and made my way outside to meet this man, he’s impatient, so I refrain from making him wait. He was parked in the driveway; his car was sparkling clean as per usual.
“Hey.” I said in a low voice.
“Hey.” he replied in the same enthusiasm.
He turned his body and leaned in for a peck on my lips.
“What’s wrong baby?” he asked in a concerned voice.
I don’t want to hesitate for too long because I know that will annoy him and then we will fight. I have to break the news to him in a way that will not scare him, but in a way that he will accept easily.
“I’m pregnant Kabelo.” they say rip the band aid off, that’s what I just did.
The tears are coming out again, and I have no control over them. I hate being so over emotional.
“What?” I bury my face in my hands.
“I’m three months pregnant.” I mumble through my hands.
“Are you serious?” he asks again.
I lift my face and look at him. There is excitement written all over his face; just as I had anticipated.
“You are carrying my seed baby? I can’t believe this!”
He pulled me in a tight hug, and kisses the top of my head multiple times. This is the exact reaction I was expecting from him, he’s so happy.
“When did you find out?” his hands are already caressing my flat stomach.
“Yesterday.”  I confess shyly.
“And you are only telling me now?” he raises an eyebrow at me.
“I’m sorry Mthiyane, I was still trying to process everything.” I say looking down, wiping my tears.
In fact, I still haven’t processed everything, but I can’t run away from him forever. And these tears are a sellout so I might as well tell him and keep this secret with him.
“I understand sthandwa sami. But you are such a cry-baby, buka nje unjani.” he lifts my face and wipes my tears, I’m red in the face. He kisses my lips.
He’s happy, I can see it in his eyes.
“Have you told the parents? This means we should get married soon.” marriage?
“I haven’t told anyone, I’m scared.” and that’s the honest truth.
I’m avoiding the second part of his statement because in the four years of our relationship, marriage has never been discussed!
“Don’t be my love. You have me, you have my mom, and you have your mom too. We will get married and…” this marriage topic again!
Now that there’s a baby he’s pushing for marriage?
“I’m not ready for marriage.” I say pushing his hands off my stomach.
“You are starting with your shit again!” he’s not happy with me.
“Why don’t you want to settle down? We’ve been together for more than four years now! What are you so afraid of, it’s not like I’m going to leave you now!” that doesn’t sound right.
I kept quiet.
“Answer me!” okay he’s angry now.
I’m a crying mess, and I think the so-called hormones are adding on because I can’t stop.
When my cry gets louder, instant regret flashes on his face and he reaches for my hands and holds them.
“Please stop crying, I’m sorry for shouting. It’s just that you are also being unfair, we’ve been together for such a long time, and now you’re expecting my child. What’s stopping you from marrying me?” I’m getting worked up and I don’t want to be in his presence when I’m worked up.
I also don’t want to have this conversation with him, so I open the door and storm out. I can hear him calling me out, but I’m too hysterical. I don’t even know why I’m crying so much, or why I’m so emotional in the first place, but I’m overwhelmed and he’s not being helpful by adding marriage into the equation.
I’m barely wrapping my head around this whole baby thing, now he’s bombarding me with more. I don’t even know how to be a mother; how will I be a wife?
When I run into the house, mom sees me and asks me what’s wrong, but I avoid her and run straight to my room and bury my head in my pillows.
I’m trying to exercise my breathing, my heart is racing, and my hands are shaking.
“Zuzile open the door!” that’s my mother.
I know she’s confused and questioning herself about what happened. I probably shouldn’t have stormed off like that because I’ve caused unnecessary drama, now my parents have to be involved. Fucking hormones.
I went to open up for her, and the first thing she did was pull me close to her and console me.
“Kabelo is downstairs looking for you, why did you storm off?” you see.
“We had a fallout; I don’t think I want to see him yet.” I explain.
I’m too emotional, I’ll just overreact again and then he’ll shout at me and then I’ll cry again.
“Okay, I’ll go tell him.” my mother is so sweet.
I thank her and she goes out. I go to make my bed, and before I can even finish, she’s back here.
“He won’t go.” I should have guessed, Kabelo is stubborn.
I just sighed.
“I’ll go talk to him.” I said and walked out the room.
He was sitting in the lounge downstairs, so immersed in his phone he didn’t hear me come in. I cleared my throat so he could acknowledge my presence, and when he looked up, I went to sit across him.
“Are you ready to speak to me like an adult?” he asked in a flat tone.
One thing about Kabelo, he will call you out for your bad behaviour, whether you are crying or not. He’s not fazed by tears.
“Yes, I am.” I say, trying to keep my act together and not act offended because he’s not going to be apologetic about it.
“Good, now tell me why exactly you don’t want to marry me?”
“I’m afraid.” I said lowly.
“Afraid of what?” he asks again, making me feel like a fool for even saying it.
“I don’t know what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that marriage will change me. I’ve met so many unhappy married people. I don’t want to end up like that.” I defend myself.
“They are unhappy because they choose to be. We love each other Zuzile and that’s more than enough. You should stop looking into other people’s lives thinking that we’ll end up like that. Yes, marriage is difficult but it’s what you make it. Because we love each other we can make it work. Think about it. We’ve always talked about starting a family and now we have that opportunity. God has blessed us with a child, and you want ruin that. Don’t you want our child to grow up in a home with both their parents?”
“I do.” I answer with my voice barely audible.
“Then please stop doing this. Let’s get married and create a warm, happy home for our children.” I nod.
I mean he is right on that part. And I know he’s not going to leave me; he has never given me a reason to doubt his love for me in the last four years of our relationship. He’s a good boyfriend, I’m sure he’s an even better husband. And my baby deserves a happy home with both parents present, not like how I lived.
“I’m sorry for overreacting, I was just overwhelmed by everything moving so quickly.” I confess.
He pulls me to him and I sit on his lap.
“I love you and I’m going to be here for everything, don’t worry. I will give you and my baby the best life.” he says and pecks my nose.
“I love you too.” I say and cup his face and kiss him.
This man is not stopping me, I have my legs around his waist, forgetting that we are not in our own space. We startled when mom cleared her throat.
“Do that in your house, not mine.” she says and clicked her tongue.
“Sorry Ma.” Kabelo says.
I pinch his arm. Mom walks out, clearly unhappy with us. I feel like a teenager caught in the act. I giggled.
“Mom is angry at me now and it’s your fault.”
“Maybe you should move in with me so we can do it at our house and not hers.” things are moving quickly hey.
“And we also need to tell the parents.” he adds on.
I only found out yesterday about this, but things are moving quickly. But I’m done overreacting, if that’s what he wants I’ll do it, it’s his baby too.
“That’s not going to be easy.” I say, biting my nails.
“Look, we will invite them to my house for dinner, and then we can do it together. How does that sound?” he proposes, running his hand on my thigh.
“As long as I don’t have to do it alone.” I say.
“You won’t baby. I’m running late for work now because of your drama. Give me a kiss.” I giggled and gave him a peck on the lips.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” he says standing up.
“Bye sthandwa sami, I love you.” I say watching him fixing his pants.
“I love you more.” he leans in for another kiss before he makes his way out.
I stood up and followed him shortly, and I made my way to the dining room. Mom was sitting at the table drinking coffee.
“Why are you and Kabelo fighting?” she asks, ever so nosey Mrs Zungu.
“We’ve fixed things, it’s nothing hectic. But we do have an announcement to make tomorrow, so we are inviting you to dinner at his place. I’ll confirm the time later.” I say.
“What announcement?” mom has too many questions.
“You’ll find out tomorrow.” I shout as I make my way up the stairs.
I don’t want her asking me any more questions, I don’t have the answers to them.
At least not for now.