Bent Not Broken: Kabelo and Zuzile

CHAPTER SIX

Zuzile Mfusi

I didn’t mean to cause a scene, that really wasn’t my intention, but I found myself sitting in the hospital in a consulting room because I was having a panic attack, and my blood pressure was skyrocketing.
The paramedics who were on the accident scene, the one that so happened to be quite close to our place, had to rush here and take me to the hospital. I’m perfectly fine now, but I’m still anxious because I haven’t seen Kabelo, and I don’t know what state he’s in.
Ma’ Ruth refused to tell me how he was, she just took Mvelo and they left. She’s probably going to come back soon, but she wanted to leave Mvelo safely at home so they could tend to this whole accident issue.
They put me on an oxygen mask, and I’ve been sitting here for the past thirty minutes, they are monitoring my blood pressure still.
My mother bursts into the room, and I immediately panic. Why is she here, and not at home resting?
“Oh baby, what happened?” she comes to console me.
I use my hand to remove the oxygen mask so I can answer her. My hand is still shaking, it’s been shaking since I arrived in this room.
“High blood pressure and anxiety attack,” I explain to her.
This oxygen mask is making me dizzy, and my speech is slurred.
“Kabelo’s mom called me asking to bring Mvelo over and she was a mess. I had to force the truth out of her.” I can’t begin to imagine what she’s feeling.
“How’s Kabelo?” she asks pity all over her face.
I just shrug my shoulders and bring the oxygen back to my face.
“Zuzile?” she reprimands.
I don’t have an answer to her questions, can’t she take the hint?
“I don’t know Mom; they won’t let me see him.” She sighs in distress.
“Ubephuma nje eyaphi in the first place, leaving a pregnant woman and child alone, ay cha!” she mumbles as she takes the chair next to my bed.
If I had energy, I would try to defend Kabelo, but I don’t. It does serve him right for not listening to me, it honestly does, but feeling like this doesn’t conceal the fact that I’m still extremely worried about his health now.
“I had a dream about your father.” She starts.
I sit up at the mention of uMbatha because my mother hardly ever talks about him.
“He was talking to you, but I was sitting there as if I were you. He spoke about a man who loves you, and he said that you should stand by him in the tough times. I didn’t like the sound of that, and just when I was going to tell you, Kabelo got into an accident.” How could she keep such from me?
Maybe we could have stopped this accident from happening had she told me sooner, but no, this is my mother, it didn’t occur to her.
As I was cooking up a response in my mind, the door opened and Ma’ Ruth walked in followed by a doctor.
“How are you feeling Dr?” she asks me, staring at the machine, checking my vitals.
I put a thumbs up. How ironic that she calls me a doctor. We are the doctors, we heal people, but we don’t listen to our bodies in dire situations. I couldn’t even pinpoint that I was having a panic attack, my body just went into shock and I shut down.
“Are you ready to go see your man?” Ma’ Ruth asks.
I take a single second of hesitation before I nod.
“Why do you look unsure?” she asks.
She looks like a mess, it’s weird seeing her; such a put-together woman looking messy. That’s a me thing, never her.
“How bad is his condition.” I don’t think I’m ready to see him like that.
He’s always so strong, always exuding so much power, imagine having to see him in his weakest state? Am I ready for that?
I haven’t shed a single tear though, not a single one since I was rushed into this emergency room. I don’t know whether to be concerned or what. Everything has been happening too quickly.
She can’t even answer me, she has tears welling in her eyes.
“Ma?” she’s further scaring me than what I already feel.
“He’s unconscious, the doctors say he could wake up tomorrow or maybe the day after, but he suffered trauma to the head. The accident was bad.” She explains, and as she does, her voice is cracking.
She feels the pain so much more than we could ever do, this is her son, her last born, her baby. I can’t imagine what she’s feeling.
I get up from the bed, and she holds my hand. My mom says she’s going to stay behind, so it’s just me and my mother-in-law. We are walking in silence, but she keeps swiping her face, removing the tears on her face. All this stress on an old woman is unhealthy. I hate Kabelo for putting her under so much stress.
We get to the ward, and she opens the door for me. I hold onto the door frame and walk in slowly.
There he is, covered in bandages and pipes all over him. Immediately my tear ducts are triggered, and my eyes burn.
His mother is now standing at the foot of his bed, sobbing silently, I can see by the way her shoulders are shaking. She holds his leg.
“Kodwa yini mancane.” She’s hurting, not a little, a lot.
She holds her face and moves away from the bed.
“I’m sorry, I’ll give you some time.” She says all types of emotions dancing on her face.
I pull her in for a tight hug before she leaves, and that’s when my tears fall for the first time, Kabelo has no idea. If he knew how much this hurts, he would have stayed at home like I had asked him to.
After that emotional embrace, she excuses herself and leaves me with him. The beeping sounds of the machine feel so surreal, and I can barely even recognize him with the bandages and the pipes all over his face. I go to stand by his side and the first thing I do is take his hand into mine.
“I asked you to stay, and you didn’t Kabelo. Baby I cannot lose you, I can’t. you can’t leave me here with these burdens. Who is going to help me raise these children? What about your daughter, who doesn’t even know your face, or your son, who you haven’t seen grow up?”  I just break down into a sob.
I don’t think I’ve ever realized how afraid I am of losing him, and now that he’s lying here almost lifeless, it’s sinking in that right now I could be crying because he’s gone.
I need to pray for his recovery, I want to see him get better, and going back to his normal self, no matter how irritating he can be.
The door opens once again, and Ma’ Ruth walks in, followed by my mother.
“Are you ready to go? Baba is here to take us home.” My mom enquires.
And leave Kabelo alone? I look at my mother-in-law.
“Go get some rest Zuzile, you’ll see him tomorrow. It’s late and you are not feeling well yourself.”
“Ma please call me if anything happens.” She nods and puts her hand on my shoulder.
The thought of going back to an empty house just doesn’t sit well with me, but I have no other choice. If I want my baby to survive, I must take it easy on myself.