Bent Not Broken: Kabelo and Zuzile

CHAPTER FIVE

Zuzile Mfusi

I know I went to bed alone, but I wasn’t expecting to wake up alone as well.
Sitting up is onerous; I roll over, get on my knees before I actually succeed in getting out of bed. My mouth is dry, I need some water.
I start by emptying my bladder before carefully climbing down the stairs to go to the kitchen. I know I was here for water only but the tomatoes in the fridge tantalized my tastebuds and I saw some fishpaste and I want that combo on bread asap.
Kabelo is still not back. He’s been doing this disappearing act too often now; it’s starting to get on my last nerve. It makes me question if this is the life he lived before we moved in together. There he had all the freedom, no one was controlling him.
That man is allergic to staying at home, if he’s not forcing me to go out with him, he’s going out alone. I’m a natural homebody, I love staying indoors so we fight a lot about that.
Also, I’m six months pregnant now, the energy I had three months ago is not there anymore. He just doesn’t seem to understand. He also has this new narcissistic personality that I do not get, maybe it’s always been there, but I just never noticed it. It gets so tiring living with him sometimes, so much that I’m happier when he isn’t here.
But it does get lonely, and I do get concerned when he isn’t here, especially late at night like now. I sit waiting while I finish my bread, and there’s still no sign of him.
Just as I am about to climb the stairs heading back to the bedroom, the door opens in the kitchen. I stop climbing and wait for him to appear.
“Why aren’t you sleeping at this time?” oh so he does know how to tell the time.
He knows it’s late but didn’t bother coming back?
“Is this the time for you to come back to your pregnant wife? Where were you?” he looks unbothered by my fit of rage.
“You know where I was Zuzile, don’t treat me like a child.” Firstly, he’s drunk, I can just tell from his eyes.
I don’t like entertaining him when he’s drunk. He can stay here and nurse himself, I have church tomorrow. At least now I can sleep peacefully knowing he’s back.
“I love you.” He shouts as I take my fat self up the flight of stairs.
“Okay.” That’s the only response I can offer him.
By the time I get into bed, I’m huffing and puffing from the walking. Now I’m thinking it might be a good idea to relocate to a bedroom downstairs for the duration of this pregnancy because I’m not loving this up and down I do every day, it always leaves me breathless.
Just as I am settling in properly, starting to drift right back to dreamland, the intoxicating smell of beer breath is puffed onto my neck and floods my sensitive nostrils.
“Kabelo, shower, or at least brush your teeth.” I’m suffering.
“Baby I’m tired.” He whines.
As if I care, I’m also tired and I need some rest.
“Roll over and sleep on your side then!” I try to push him off but he’s gripping onto me.
“Kabelo!” I shout a little louder than I should, and he lets me go immediately.
He knows not to mess with me, whether drunk or not. I’m pissed off now so I roll out of the bed and leave him, if his breath is bothering me now, by the time morning comes, the whole room will be infested with the sour stench of alcohol, and that will trigger my vomiting. I don’t need that right now.
I grab my pillow and make my way out the room. He can only stare at me and say nothing at all. The closest room to me is Mvelo’s so I go snuggle up with him, and sleep comes instantly.
Kabelo must sleep alone with his alcohol breath.

•••

I took my little boy to church today. I know he used to go a lot with mam’ Linda back where he lived, but he hadn’t gone since he arrived here, and I don’t want him to get out of that routine.
I myself am not an everyday attender, but I make sure that when I have the time, I go.
Mvelo enjoyed the second part of the day more than church, which was when we went to have breakfast and he got to play and eat his hearts desires. Watching him being so happy and free gives me so much fulfilment, and my heart begins to swell with joy at the sight of it. I love him with my whole heart, he is my first baby. Having him move in and taking care of him has been the best part of my every day, and all I ever look forward to on a daily basis is seeing his big smile with missing teeth and listening to his incomplete stories about who did what in his new school.
We are back home now with the agenda of resting as it is a school day and a workday tomorrow. But that seems far-fetched as I approach the gate to my house and find a swarm of cars parked in the driveway.
Zincane izinto ezixabanisa abantu. Kabelo doesn’t respect me, not at all, and he wants to start me. Courtesy would have been him calling me to tell me that he’s hosting his friends so I could prepare myself.
And when I start making a big fuss about it, he’s going to turn around and say I hate his friends and I’m trying to control him.
He’s uttered those words before.
I’m not going to give him any reaction because that’s exactly what he expects.  I manoeuvre around the yard trying to find a place to park without blocking anyone because straight from here, I’m going to take a nap and I don’t want any disturbances.
Mvelo on the other is hand is excited, these are his father’s friends after all. He springs out the car immediately after it stops, so much for mommy and son time.
I make my way out the car towards the kitchen entrance. I’m welcomed by an overwhelmingly huge mess, a mess I don’t have the physical capacity to deal with, a mess that has me vibrating on the inside with rage.
“Hawu Makoti!” Siyanda enthusiastically greets while opening my fridge taking out a beer.
Kabelo Mfusi is trying to kill me. Just as I am about to go find him, he walks into the kitchen, and he smiles at me.
“You are back baby.” I’m not smiling back at him, nothing about this is worth smiling about. Not when people are going in and out of my kitchen opening my fridge like they own the place.
I pull his wrist and bring him to the side. I’m boiling with anger, and I’m trying to cool down.
“Kabelo this mess!? Why would you….” I can’t even form a sentence, that happens when I’m angry.
“Zuzile calm down.” I shake my head no.
“Did MaNgcobo come in?” I ask him.
“She did and I sent her back to go rest, it’s a Sunday.” Very smart of him
“So who’s going to clean this mess you made?” he shrugs his shoulders.
“Awazi? I also don’t know, and frankly, I don’t want to be a part of it, but by the time I wake up, I better find this place clean and spotless, the same way I left it!” he’s staring at me like I’m losing my mind.
“Zuzile!” he tries to grab my wrist as I walk away.
“Leave me alone!” he actually annoys me so much, yeses!
If I don’t go now, I’m going to say things I’ll regret later. I also don’t want to seem like a monster in front of his friends.