Bent Not Broken: Kabelo and Zuzile

CHAPTER EIGHT

Zuzile Mfusi

“Just because you like it doesn’t mean we all do. Chess is for smart people, I’m not smart.” I shake my head.
“Says the most educated of the both of us. Come on Sandile, if you wanted to learn the game, you would have. Just say you don’t want to. It’s fine, I’ll find myself another friend to play with.”
He just sends laughing emojis. We are texting back and forth. We’ve been texting the whole evening.
I had nothing better to do so I asked him to play an online game of chess with me and he refused, now we have been going forth about why he doesn’t know how to play it. And I’m sure you can guess, Kabelo is still not here.
He walks into the room, but I don’t bother lifting my head to acknowledge him. I’m not in the mood for fights and that’s what’s going to happen if I ask him anything about his whereabouts.
“You can’t blackmail me with getting new friends, none of them will ever be like me.” Sandile replies.
Such a big ego. He sends a funny sticker, and I can’t help but burst into a fit of laughter.
“You are so crazy. Good night!” I text back.
“Good night my Zu.” I switch off the phone and place it on my bedside table.
I look up to find Kabelo staring at me attentively, his forehead creased, and his eyes red. If he’s not drunk, then he’s really tired. 
“Who are you giggling with over the phone at this time?” He asks in a stern tone.
He’s trying to scare me, but I’m not scared of Kabelo.
“How does that concern you? I don’t ask you about your whereabouts when you come home at witching hours.” I clap back fiercely.
I see rage flashing in his eyes, and he’s trying to contain himself, so much that he’s fists have bawled up and the veins on his arms are popping. His arms and hands are massive.
Kabelo has never hit me before, but I swear the day he does, he’d probably kill me. Now I’m a little scared.
“You don’t ask because you don’t care Zuzile! I’m working my fucking ass off every day so I can take care of you and maintain this lifestyle, and this is how you thank me?” he raises his voice.
“Don’t raise your voice, there is a child in his house!” the last thing I want is for Mvelo to hear this altercation, that will scar him for the rest of his life.
He just clicks his tongue and comes charging to where I am. He snatches the phone and tries to open it.
“Kabelo bring back my phone.” I plead, holding his hands.
“I asked you who are you talking to!? Are you whoring around now? With my baby in your stomach?” he takes the phone and smashes it on the wall in anger, startling me in the process.
I feel my baby moving as I force myself to sit up, and her lunatic father just stands there watching my phone in tatters, huffing and puffing like a bull. I don’t know whether to cry or be angry at what he just did. I’ve never seen him this enraged, and I didn’t even do anything wrong.
I choose peace and turn and face the other way. I cover myself with the duvet and I feel the tears running down my face. I feel him moving around the room, grumbling to himself and I can’t even make out what he’s saying.
Then I feel him opening the covers and coming from behind to hold me. I shift as much as I can until I’m at the edge of the bed and I can’t move anymore. He uses his strong arms and pulls me into his embrace, which just triggers me to sob.
“I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry. I overreacted and I shouldn’t have let my anger control me. I’ll get you a new one, I promise.” I wish he would just let go of me, but I don’t have the strength to fight him off, so I just continue to lie coldly on the bed, trying not to let his touch irritate me more than it is now.
He starts kissing my neck and my cheek, mumbling useless sorries, sorries that won’t take back the hurtful words he just hurled at me, sorries that make me question whether I’m making the right decision by marrying him.

•••

The birds are happily chirping in a tree outside my window, and that quickly brings me out of my sleep. The sun has been up in the sky for a long time now, and that quickly alerts me. Did I miss my alarm!?
Oh, shit yeah, Mr tough guy destroyed my phone
I do my knee and roll combo to get out of bed successfully, and the first thing I see is a big bouquet of roses on my vanity.
I stand up and go look at them. They are obviously from Kabelo, but if he thinks this is a good way of apologizing, he has a long way to go. There’s a card next to it so I take it and read it.
“I didn’t wake you up because I wanted you to rest. You don’t have to worry about anything, I’ve sorted it out. I’m sorry for the way I behaved last night my love, please find it in your heart to forgive me.” I have the burning urge to throw throws these out the window.
I leave them there and go to the bathroom to clean myself up so I can make breakfast for myself. I can’t even tell the time because I don’t have a phone, but from what I’m observing from the sun, it could be a little over nine am.
The weather is misbehaving today so I just wrap a shawl around my body and head downstairs.
The house is empty and quiet. It’s sparkling clean, which means MaNgcobo has done what she does best and went back home.
When I enter the kitchen, there is a single rose placed on top of the counter. It quickly snatches all my attention and I immediately go take it. Kabelo is trying to suck up to me then.
There’s a note too.
“Breakfast is in the oven, I love you” I can’t help but smile.
I’m still mad at him but he’s really trying, I appreciate that. I help myself to the so-called breakfast, and my heart leaps when I find pancakes and bacon, my absolute favourite. I drench it in syrup for the full enjoyment! The contrast of sweet and savoury does wonders in my mouth.
I take my food to the lounge and start devouring while catching up on the latest episode of Housewives. If this show would come to Margate, I’d be the first on that sign-up sheet, although I don’t do much with my life now, I’m still rich, and I am somebody's wife, I think I fit the criteria.
The riches aren’t mine though, they fully belong to the Mfusi’s, and technically, I’m not married yet. Kabelo and I barely discuss finances around here, and it’s not because I just expect him to do stuff, he just doesn’t give me the opportunity. It’s been three months of me living here, but I’ve never done any grocery shopping, or seen a single bill. He takes care of all of those things, which takes me right back to his statement last night.
From my knowledge, no matter how little it is about this particular matter, Kabelo was born into riches. He had a soft upbringing, and all the businesses he runs were given to him by his father. He didn’t even study, because the whole time he was in Spain, he was playing soccer, hung up on being a professional soccer player. I don’t know how that ended up, but here we are. I want to understand why he says he’s working hard to help us have a better lifestyle. This is better than better!
It’s safe to say I don’t know much about this family; I don’t know anything about my future husband. Should I be scared?
My thoughts are interrupted by roaring pipes in my driveway. Kabelo loves putting on a show even when there are no spectators. My question is, why is he here at this time?
I don’t have the strength to get up from this couch, I’m too comfortable. After hearing car doors slamming, I hear the front door opening. I hope the TV alerts him that I’m in the lounge.
“Baby!” he shouts from the passage.
“Lounge!” I reply.
There’s absolutely no way for me to get up from here without assistance so I wait for him to appear. And here he comes, he’s dressed casually, and looks like he just had a haircut. He definitely didn’t go to work today; I’m surprised he knows how to take a day off.
“Are you okay?” he asks looking at me with concern on his face.
I think it’s the position I’m sitting in. I look helpless. If only he knew how comfortable I am.
“Yeah, I’m just overheating,” I tell him.
“Why didn’t you turn on the aircon?” he says coming to sit on the coffee table.
“It makes my nose congested. Help me up please,” I say giving him my hands.
He does that immediately.
I get a whiff of his cologne and it reminds me of Sandile’s cologne. I have never smelt this fragrance on Kabelo, it’s definitely new. But this is so unlike him. He normally wears much more woody scents, meanwhile, this is a fresher scent.
“What’s wrong?” I didn’t mean to change my facial expression; I relaxed my face immediately.
“No, nothing. You changed your cologne?” he smiles.
“I didn’t think you’d notice; I’m trying out new scents.” He looks happy that I noticed, but I don’t think I would have noticed had I not known that Sandile was wearing the same cologne a month ago when I met up with him.
He takes my hands into his and locks his eyes with mine.
“I want to apologize for what I did last night. It was unnecessary of me. I know you would never do that to me, you would never cheat on me. I just let my insecurities mess up with my head.” I gulp down the lump in my throat.
Yes, I would never cheat on him, not now, not ever. But I cheated on Sandile with him.
“The thought of you with another man just drives me to insanity Zuzile, it really does. I love you.” He confesses.
I don’t even know how to answer him at this stage. He doesn’t know what he wants to say, or maybe he does, he just doesn’t know how to say it. That’s what I’m seeing on his face. Hesitation.
“You don’t have time for me anymore Kabelo. It seems like everything is coming before me and your family. How will I be comfortable building a marriage with you when you treat me like this now?”
His eyes are turning red.
“That isn’t my intention baby, I would never neglect you on purpose. I’m just working hard working hard so we can live comfortably.” Kanti what level of comfort does Kabelo want?
Is this not comfortable enough for him?
“You made me quit my job. I’m miserable.”
He shakes his head and sighs miserably.
“That’s not how you should be feeling my love, not when you are carrying my baby, you should be the happiest woman alive, you are my love. I’m a failure of a man if you are not happy as my woman. I can do anything for you to feel happy again.” He pleads.
“Spend time with me. Spend time with your son. Make time for us. That’s all we want, that’s all I want and need from you.” He nods,
He stands up and comes to kiss my forehead.
“I promise I’ll try to do better my love. I’ll take my medication consistently; I’ll prioritize you and our son, and I’ll make time for our family. I love you and I want our daughter to arrive into a happy and healthy environment.” He lost me at medication.
“Medication? Medication for what?” already my mind is rushing to thinking about the worst.
I’m already pregnant with this man, how is he here talking about medication!? The only medication I can think of is ARVs. oh no!
“Medication for my disorder, bipolar disorder.” Already my heart was bulldozing my chest at the mention of medication.
Bipolar? He didn’t think of telling me he has bipolar in the whole four years of being in a relationship. Nowhere in our conversations did he think it was important to let me know that he was bipolar!
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, retracting my hands from his hold.
He doesn’t fight me. Tears are welling in my eyes; I don’t know why I’m crying. This is a moment of awakening for me. It explains a lot though.
“Not a lot of people know, only my mom and my brothers. Even my dad doesn’t know. I didn’t want you to look at me like I’m not normal, that’s how I already feel every day. People will think I’m crazy.” That breaks my heart.
If I was able to fall in love with him before I knew, I can definitely love him with this disorder now, nothing is stopping me. My love for him doesn’t change because of it
I cup his face, tears are gracing my face, while he wears a stoic facial expression.
“You are not crazy Kabelo, you are human. Your disorder doesn’t define who you are, I love you just as you are. And thank you for trusting me with this, I promise I’ll keep it safe.” He nods.
“I love you Mfusi.” This changes a lot about the way I feel about him.
I feel like with this revelation, I’ve fallen more in love with him, and I can be more accepting of his flaws.
He was made like this.
Made for me.