Another Way To Love (LGBT)

XV

Before I could even finish opening the door, Cooper stood at the entryway fuming. His jaw was set so tightly I was worried he'd break something. He also wasn't wearing his hat, which, for some reason, made him look far more serious.

"Tell me you didn't go where I think you went," He started in a low tone.

I shut the door behind me. "He went too far. What was I supposed to do?"

"How about STAY OUT OF IT!?" Cooper shouted. "LIKE I'VE TOLD YOU TO DO A MILLION TIMES!?"

"And I always have!" I protested. "For our whole lives, every time your dad did something, I would keep my mouth shut and look the other way, even when I shouldn't have."

Cooper frowned, arms crossed.

"You can be mad at me all you want, but I don't regret sticking up for you," I said simply. "I'm your best friend. I'm supposed to have your back."

I noticed Cooper hesitate, opening his mouth a few times as he thought about his words. "Look...if this is about what happened during the double date—"

"It has nothing to do with that." I snapped. "It has to do with you being my friend. Whatever happened during that double date or...or anything, we're friends. We always will be."

Cooper's shoulders sagged at those words, and he let out a small breath. "...Alright then..." He started in a whisper. "Thanks. For doing that."

"You don't need to thank me."

A silence fell over the room. I didn't know where to go from here, and I don't think he did either.

But, like usual, Cooper was the one to break the ice. "...So how are things going with Nina?"

I was a little surprised. I guess I expected to hear him say her name with contempt, but he didn't. He was genuinely curious.

But his question only made me feel guilty about various things. For being oblivious, for not understanding my own feelings, for thinking the things I thought while kissing Nina...

For still not fully understanding everything going on in my head.

"It's...fine." I settled on softly. "Just not what I thought it would be."

"If it's because of the date, I'll apologize to Eleanor—" Cooper started nervously.

I was quick to cut him off. "No, this has nothing to do with that. Nina and I just...need to work this out for ourselves."

Cooper gave a small, understanding nod. "I get it." A smile crossed his lips. "Tell me, if something happens."

"What else would I do?" I asked, only half-joking.

I tried not to focus on the strange swirling sensation in my gut when Cooper smiled at those words.

Despite my assuring that it wasn't a problem, Cooper insisted on giving me space during the day and had headed out to do who knows what, merely claiming he'd be back in the evening. Honestly, I think he just wanted to be alone to clear his head after what happened with his dad.

I was doing the same. Clearing my head. Trying to use my happy place to do so.

Sitting on the floor of my room was a light blue box, a bit worn at the edges from the years of use. Written in large letters in marker on the side was GARY'S TREASURES.

I don't know why now of all times I felt the need to go through it, but something about the items always brought a sense of stability, like nothing in the world could ever be wrong.

As I fiddled with some old movie tickets, my bedroom door suddenly flew open.

Monica strutted in without a care, a beer can resting loosely in her hand. "Alright, I don't feel like cooking for us. I'm getting pizza. I'm not listening to you bitch and moan later, so tell me what you want on your half. Oh, and if Cooper's staying over again, then you're sharing your half with him."

"Just get whatever, I don't care." I huffed.

Monica raised an eyebrow at me, before glancing at my box of stuff.

And then she was sitting down in front of me. She didn't say anything, just stared like I was supposed to do something.

I had no idea what she wanted from me, so I just ignored her and picked up an old marble from the box, thinking back to the time when Cooper was playing around with them and rubber bands and accidentally smacked me in the face with one.

I had a stupid bruise on my forehead for a week.

"Are you gonna tell me why you're going through that crap like someone just died?" Monica spoke up.

I had every right to tell her to get out. To stay out of my business.

But I didn't.

Maybe I just really needed someone to talk to, even if that someone was Monica.

"Cooper confessed to me a little while ago." I told her.

"Ah." Monica hummed. "And what did you say?"

I looked at her in disbelief. "What?"

"To the confession?" She reiterated like I was stupid.

"I didn't...I didn't say anything." I looked down. "I just feel kind of stuck."

Monica sipped her beer. "Do you even like boys?"

I bristled, trying to push down the embarrassment in my chest. "I-I don't really have a preference between the two..." I hesitated. "I just...I spent so long adoring Nina. I never even considered liking somebody else. I mean- I thought I was in love with her."

Monica's eyebrows furrowed for a moment. "Can I ask you something?"

"You just did." I joked.

"Shut up," she sighed. "Why do you like Nina? I mean, what is it she did to make you care about her this much?"

It was a fair question. And not one I'm sure anyone's ever bothered to ask, not even Cooper.

It was almost funny how easy of an answer it was.

We'd been given a poem assignment, and told to read them out loud to the entire class. Cooper had gone up to read his, but it hadn't gone very well.

He did his best, but the words just kept getting jumbled up for him, and he couldn't stop stuttering over his sentences.

Children in class had started laughing before he could barely begin.

But Nina had swooped in, strutting up to the front of the classroom. She yelled at the class for making fun of him, and even scolded the teacher.

And then she read Cooper's poem for him, with the grace and care it had deserved.

I felt entranced by her voice, and by her actions. The way she protected Cooper like a real guardian angel.

She did what I couldn't do. And I admired her for it.

"Monica, how do you know the difference between love and...admiration?" I asked nervously.

Because I think I already knew the answer in my gut. But I didn't want to believe it.

I can't believe it.

All this time, how could I misunderstand something so important?

"Well, when you love someone you want to be with them," Monica explained simply with a shrug. "When you admire someone...you want to be them."

She said it like it was so obvious. Like I should've known from the beginning.

Maybe I should've.

"Monica, I think I messed up." I whispered.

She stared at me for a moment, which just made me even more anxious. Then she sipped her beer. "So fix it, dumbass."

Maybe, just maybe, for once it really was that simple.