Now that Tony Starks gone

Chapter One

My eyes stay focused on the plain white wall In front of me. Over these past couple weeks, I've come to learn every imperfection and every bump there is on this one point in my wall. It became a base for my eyes while my mind ran a mile a minute.

Every negative emotion you could think of, I felt all at once. I felt pain from the loss of my dad. I felt guilt for blaming him for that loss and for pushing away those around me. I felt so many emotions in one go, and I couldn't deal with it anymore.

A quiet knock slows my mind down slightly as it draws my attention away from my thoughts. My eyes stay trained on the wall and no words leave my mouth, my mum takes this as a cue to enter.

"Hey sweetie." Her quiet voice breaks the thick silence in my room and I finally draw my tired eyes to hers. I can see the pain evident in her eyes, and her features look worse for wear, but she emits a strength that I could only wish to have.

I send her a small smile, something my mouth has forgotten to do and her eyes widen slightly at even that small action. "Hi mum." My voice is croaky and the words come out so quiet that I'm surprised she even heard me.

The action felt unnatural and forced, but I knew I couldn't hide in here forever. Baby steps, I guess.

Her mouth spreads into a bigger smile and I can see the relief relaxing her body. "Are you feeling a bit better?" She asks hopeful as she comes to sit on my bed next to me.

I couldn't give her the real answer, it would only worry her more. So, I lie. "Getting there." It's not far from the truth, I mean, I want to feel better. But even just these four words that I've spoken has hurt me so much.

"I'm happy to hear that." She replies and I can tell she's nervous. "I know you're not in the best place, sweetie, but I think you should go back to school." She suggests, her tone soft and somewhat scared which hurts me.

I don't want my mum to feel scared and timid around me, like at any given moment I would break. That's not who I am. Or was.

Her suggestion fully sinks in and it takes me a second to even compute. School? The place I've been dreading to go back to. People staring and whispering and sending me sympathetic glances. It's my worse nightmare.

"Okay." I reply, trying to plant a smile on my face. For mum, I repeat in my head persuading myself to agree to her suggestion.

"Really?" She asks, bewilderment covering her face as she scans mine. I only nod to her, already feeling tired from the interaction. "That's great. I'll let you get ready for school tomorrow, if you need me just shout." She sends me a thankful smiles and kisses me on the forehead before leaving.

I sigh and fight the urge to return my eyes to their spot they became so accustomed to. You can do this. For mum.

The next day~

I can't do this. The words overpower my earlier thoughts as happy pulls up outside the school. I decided on wearing something that will hopefully blend me into the crowd, but from the stares I'm already getting, I don't think it worked.

"Try and have a good day, okay?" Happy sends me a small smile and I send a weak nod back. I pull my hood up before taking a deep breath and getting out the car.

I can't do this. My mind races and I begin to feel my heart rate quicken. Shit shit shit. This isn't good. I begin to feel by hands shake and the overpowering feeling of panic washes over me.

I'm about to reach for my phone to call happy when I suddenly hear him. "Aliana?" Peters voice already calms my racing heart and before I can fully turn to look at him, he's already embraced me in a hug.