Losing Control {Criminal Minds X OC}

Part Eight

TW: SH Mention/Reference

I entered the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I do not want to go. I wish I could be excited to go, on a date with the woman I have had a massive crush on for the longest time ever. But I am not.

All I can think about is how much confusion and pain I caused, not to myself but to others. I mean, when have I not?

Looking into the mirror, all I see is this young girl looking back at me. It's me, just nearly two decades younger. I want so much to just reach into the mirror and hug her, to apologize profusely for what happened. Even if what happened or what happens is not within our control. Eventually, I start the shower and go in with my clothes still on. Not that it is difficult to do, it is only five items of clothing. I just don't have the energy to do it. I almost never do.

Of course, I would go back later so I don't smell as bad as I feel.

After a couple of minutes, all the glass in the bathroom is foggy. I turn off the shower and take off all of my soaking wet-clothes. I toss them to the corner of the shower. I know I should hang them, but I will likely just throw them out because if they grow mold or something then even more reason.

"Hey.." Emily's voice spoke softly, after lightly tapping the door, which brings me out of my thoughts. "I have to take care of something, so I will be back in a few." She continues, then waits for a response. I didn't respond, even though I could tell she stood there waiting for an answer. She waited for what felt like forever, but in reality, was three minutes In those three minutes, I did my best to get ready for our not legally binding date. When I started the hair dryer, I heard her footsteps and then the door. That's when I turned around, she was standing in the doorway of the bathroom. She had picked the lock. I froze for a moment before turning back around, picking up my towel from the counter, and wrapping myself with it. Still not dry from the shower, I walk past her and to my bag on the ground. "I am going to cancel the reservation," she says. I sigh softly, letting a breath out slowly, hoping she didn't hear it. She didn't but she noticed that my shoulders slowly dropped down to be more relaxed. Emily left the room, thinking it would be better to give me some space after walking in on me without warning.

When she came back, I was sitting on the bed we slept in. Dressed in a long-sleeved bodysuit and jeans, with socks and sneakers. She came over to sit beside me. I glanced at her, unsure of what to say. I didn't know if she noticed anything, or if my not speaking could just be a reaction of her walking in on me naked. She wrapped an arm around me and leaned in so our foreheads touched. "I should not have forced you to go out with me" She whispers as she rubs my arm. I lean my head away to meet her gaze. "I want to, I do," I say, following it with a sigh. She doesn't say anything back to continue the conversation. "I just hate getting ready, Prentiss."

"Emily," she corrects me.

"Emily..." I repeat.

"Can I ask a question?"

Oh no. "Sure, why not?"

"First, I am sorry for walking in on you. That was way wrong.." She pauses to look at me. I nod, encouraging her to continue. Although I pull my sleeves to cover my hands and squeeze them between my legs. "Secondly, which is my question. I noticed there was a scar on your forearm...more than one. And then your clothes were soaked in the corner of the shower."

"What is your question? Just ask."

"Is everything okay?"

I look at the small television screen that shows my reflection. I can still see that younger girl looking back at me. "Everything is fine," I say, watching the girl say it with me. "I mean, I struggled a couple of years ago but I swear I am fine now." Emily reaches for my hand but I pull it away by standing up. I take a deep breath in and exhale, with my hands over my stomach. In all honesty, I am hungry. I wish she hadn't canceled that dinner, but I am glad that I don't have to sit in awkward silence with her over a meal. I take a couple of steps forward to turn on the television, then lower the volume to be mute. "I, uh, I think I am going to go take a walk."

Emily stands up instantly, "I will come with."

"No!" I yell. "Just stay here, or go see the team." I grab my sweater before leaving the hotel room. As I walked down the hall I reached for my phone, but I left it in the hotel room. Shit. I take the elevator down to the ground floor, where this hotel had the most slot machines and a bar that no agent, in theory, would go that far in the hotel for. Considering that there were about four on the floor above.

Lucky for me there was a new and in-training bartender. She seemed to be liking her job, and getting complementary shots from an old man at the end of the bar. She slides it over to me. "You look like you need it," she shrugs and passes me a couple more. "Bad luck?"

"I guess you can say that" I shrugged. I lean forward and place my elbows on the bar, staring down the shots I was just given. I probably weirded the girl out because she tried to take it back after seeing me watch it then her. Her reason was that I looked like I was about to end a streak of being sober. Before she could give me a speech on how I shouldn't do it, I told her she was wrong. That I don't have a problem, I lied.

I am just having bad luck.

About half an hour later, I was helping her serve the drinks behind the bar and sharing the complementary ones given by those enjoying their night and wins. It wasn't until I noticed a certain brunette approach the bar, the Emily Prentiss.

It was a wrong decision but I approached her and asked her what she would like to order. I should have just hid. "You," Emily said, pointing her finger at me.

"That is hot," I say giggling. She hums and watches me take another shot that the old man ordered for me. "This guy.." I laugh. "...is probably one of the richest men I know. I, or we, keep getting free shots!" I say referring to the other bartender, who to Emily's surprise, was not as drunk as I appeared to be. Emily did notice that the young bartender kept glancing at them. There was something off about her, the bartender was not smiling at them but more of hoping that Emily would not take me home. "Arizona, we are going now!"

"No!" I pout. "I need this right now, Prentiss. I don't need you watching me every second. Hell, I can't even take a shower alone." The bartender noticed that I was becoming upset and she tried to take me away from the conversation. Emily reached for my hand and took a deep breath in. "We are talking here," she said as calmly as she could. Even though she wanted to punch the girl. Still, the bartender tried to take me to the other side of the bar. Emily took out her badge and showed it to her and demanded to hand me back. The bartender obliged, but not before glancing at a man standing in the crowd starting to form at the bar.

Emily held onto my arm and guided me out of the bar, and then to the hotel room. I was still giggling the whole way there, thinking about how Emily was ordering me. My giggling brought the attention of Aaron and so he opened his door. They exchanged a nod before I could even notice his presence in the hall. Emily guided me to the bed that she tucked me into last night and lay beside me. Of course, in my drunken-like state, I start to cuddle into her. She wraps her arms around me and runs through her fingers through my hair. She doesn't try to get me to talk, despite wanting to.

I wake up the next morning and rolled myself out of bed because falling onto the floor the day before was more fun than I thought. I still felt a bit out of it, as I had to cover my mouth to stop me from giggling and waking Emily up. When I stood up on my feet, I looked at the television. It was still on but the channel had changed from the boring news to a rerun of Friends. I put the volume up to number five before making my way to the bathroom with my small makeup bag. I begin to try and cover up the scars I had on my wrist because out of sight means Prentiss lies if she were to open her mouth to JJ or any other person. I have always been careful to not show it, I always doubled up or tripled the number of bracelets I wore. Or wore long sleeves if I was sure it was a day where I had to use my hands a lot.