Losing Control {Criminal Minds X OC}

Part Eleven

I tried my best to lay low while going over and reading the case files with Morgan and Reid. However, the repeated calls from Addison were not going unnoticed. Not by me. Not by Morgan. And not by Reid. When has texting not been an option for this woman? I look at Derek who watched me decline the call for the twenty-seventh time in two and a half hours. "I will answer it later?" I say, rolling my eyes and sitting back in the office chair. "Problem?" I ask after I glance to see him still watching me. "Who are you ignoring?" He asks, to which I then smile. "My mother" I joke, since I have no mother.

"That is harsh, what if she is dying?" He continued.

My lips quivered, but I bit down my bottom lip before returning my focus to the file in my hand. "Trust me, ... she is not dying." She is already dead. Derek sighs, as Addsion calls again. "Fine," I said getting up to take the call. I walked out of the station and then down the block.

AG: You know texting is a thing, right?

AM: You know that you can return one phone call? Especially when someone calls you more than three times in a row.

AG: Why did you call so many times when I kept declining?

AM: ...

AG: Hello?

AM: I am not letting you go again, Arizona.

AG: ...

AM: Now, ... why did you send me so many messages filled with apologies?

AG: ... I just am... I am sorry.

AM: You have nothing to be sorry for.

AG: But I do. I left you. I left Bailey. I left everyone.

AM: We smothered you with–

AG: Love. With love. With support. You and the other doctors cared about me, but I left like it was nothing. Like all of you were nothing...

AM: It's okay...

AG: It's not.

AM: Did you–

AG: I have to go. I will talk to you later. Bye.

I hang up the phone call and lean my body against the side of a building. I start to cry, bawling my eyes really. As I cried, I couldn't catch my breath. I could not stop thinking about how I ruined every support system I gained throughout the years. I am a burden, to sum it up.

Eventually, an older woman came to me, crouching down to my level. She held my hands and tried to help me breathe. Guiding me to inhale and exhale, counting to numbers. She pulled me close to her and I continued the counts, taking deep breaths. She offered to buy me tea and a sandwich, but would not let me say no.

I returned to the police station after two hours. When I entered, I sat back down in my seat and ignored Derek. I knew he wanted to talk with me again but I was not in the mood. Not in the mood to hear him assume the phone call was important. Not in the mood to hear him express any possible worry that I was gone. I can only assume that he was worried, not that I wanted him to be. Or anyone. I could only assume what he would say, or the possible joke he would make.

Maybe he picked up on the fact I didn't want to talk.

Not even about the case.

I sat there in my chair communicating with post-its when I needed to say something. I felt like crying, so I felt like I couldn't speak. It wasn't until Hotch came to sit next to me and placed his hand on mine. "Arizona..." he said but I barely heard him. I turned my head in his direction but kept my gaze on the table. "I think you should get some sleep..." He suggested, squeezing my hand. I shake my head slowly and go to reach for another paper of information but he stops me. "Did you sleep last night?" He asked sternly, trying to hide his worry for me. I look up to meet his eyes and nod my head. He sighs, knowing that I am lying. After a couple minutes of silence, he tries to guide me out of the conference room but I pull my hand away from his. "Arizona, please..." I sigh. "Let me take you to the hotel. You need to rest, then you can come back."

He is not going to give up.

Just then I get up and gesture for him to lead the way. He walks with my bag while I just walk beside him, still in my head. I stop him when we get the the hotel room and promise him that I will get rest. I don't need a babysitter. He hugs me and then makes his way to the police station to regroup with the rest of the team.

I didn't even care that I was in jeans, I crawled into the bed. I only closed my eyes for a moment, then my phone began to ring. It was the one and the only Addison Forbes Montgomery. I declined her call but called her back on FaceTime. She was about to speak but I beat her to it.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery, I met her in the summer-y..." I sang with my eyes slowly closing then I kept trying to stay awake. "It's in the summer she," Addison laughed.

"Summer-y sounds better," I position the phone against the pillow so she can see me better. "Anyways..."

"You declined my call so you can video chat." She said with a smile, then saw my tired eyes. "I can talk to you another time. I didn't mean to wake you..." I groan and shake my head. "I called back. You are fine. I promise." Addison exhales, still with a smile.

"Can you sing me a song?" I ask, and she laughs. "Please?"

Addison sighs and begins to sing my favorite song. I fell asleep to the sound of her voice, even though she kept stopping every so often because she was embarrassed about her own voice.

When I woke up, Addison was still on FaceTime with me. The only difference was she wasn't at work anymore, she was in her bed sleeping. I go on mute then get out of bed, leaving my phone on the bed while I go take a shower. When I came back into the bed, Addison was still asleep on the call. She looks peaceful, maybe ... I am not a burden to her.

I plug my phone in to charge, readjusting my phone so Addison can still see me. I turn the television on and, of course, I go to the rerun of friends. It takes one episode before I am out. I fall back asleep so easily.

I wake up the next morning, with my phone still on the phone call. A change in view this time since it is 7 AM, Addison is making herself breakfast. Just then Hotch interrupts my nice morning, by calling me. I answer, hanging up on Addison. Hotch tells me that he bought me a plane ticket. He is sending me back home, back to the BAU. I don't fight him on it. I agree with it.

I know I am not in the right mindset to be on location. I am not ready to be working this case with so many eyes on me.

Then I realize, I am their distraction.