MADISON COCHRAN
Frozen in action again now
Stop the pin pricks in my chest somehow
Zoning out to level the trauma spots
But where's everyone calling them back with every breath I got
Am I hungry or inactive
Am I stressed or survival reactive
Am I still breathing or having a panic attack
Them telling me to breath when the fear comes back
Can't relax, trying to calm myself but what if I relapse
Everything that's good, let's recap
But material things aren't real to me at all
Unless they connect back to the Show and when my life started in the Fall
Sitting in my truck and hesitating
I'm still debating
Like the ones before, I still fear
She too may disappear
Afraid to get attached
But it's me she'll bring back
What if we're apart and alone
Like being taken from Mommy and Daddy in my own home?
Chest is heavy feels like Im breathing smoke from 1953
"Mommy help! I'm scared. The skies black I can't see!"
After the scary dream on the 30th I don't want to rest
But there's burning inside my chest
Fighting the sadness
But will it break into madness?
Where are the guys?
I need a truck lullaby
The family knows I need permission from them with everything
Because I know wrong moves and dark holes sting
If Im honest, I want to isolate
But my home can't wait
But lower energy physically makes me hurt
And adds to a violating feeling under my shirt
Is sleeping in a ball a trauma response for me like closing all the doors?
Or is it safe like being under the Bar table at Daddy's feet in 1944
If Father letting me sleep under his desk and tables saved my life here
How can I feel safe when fear's always near?
I can't put my truck in a building to feel safe and sound
Please tell me what to do until the safety of my parents arms is found
Dismantling the illusion
That otherwise is said to be a delusion
To see all the real and false bones of this outside world
Only after you practically cost my Father's charred Circus tent to be furled
Daddy what did you do when you were anxious and scared?
William's not here for his experience to be shared
Mommy, my skin is crawling
Daddy my chest hurts and tears are falling
YOU ARE READING
Cochran Legacy (I Remember The Cochran Circus)
Non-FictionThis is not a story of my life, my kidddnapping, trauma and my family's pain. This is our story and OUR legacy. This is our home. We are a dying breed that can not be duplicated and we must stick together in order to inform people, bring joy & sm...
