louis' diary // larry stylinson au

dix

3rd February 2015

Dear Diary,

Harry's birthday was two days ago, and, well... We're dating.

It sounds crazy, I know, because two weeks ago I thought he would never want to be with someone like me, but now we're together, for real, and it makes me want to scream and laugh and I'm just so happy.

So, I'm literally gonna say everything is details because I'm so happy and excited and I cant even. Ha.

He invited me to his "birthday party", so, of course, I accepted. I thought we would be with our friends, but when I came to his house... He was alone. He was standing at the door with a suit and he was magnificent. I wanted to run into his arms and hug him so tight, but I didn't. I just stared at him and he smiled, dimples and all. I asked him why he was dressed like that and he took my hand in his and HIS HANDS ARE SO SOFT. He told me he wanted to take me out on a date and I was a stuttering mess. I accepted and he kissed my cheek and even though I was dressed like a homeless person, he told me it was ok and we went to a restaurant. Super fancy and expensive and all.

The dinner was amazing. The food was delicious and Harry was so adorable. He told me he liked me for a while now and tried to forget about me by kissing other guys and everything. But his mum told him to go for it and freaking ask me out. I love his mum even more now... I told him I liked him for a while too – I didn't want to tell him I loved him, what if he freaked out? I would be too ashamed. So, we talked a lot and then we went back at his place. We changed and sat on his bed... We were just staring at each other and he said "fuck it" and kissed me. I was close to having a heart attack, I swear. I kissed back, of course, and one thing led to another and his mum walked in on us fully making out. It was so embarrassing but she just sighed while shaking her head and didn't say anything. Thank God. She went back to her room and we continued for, like, 15 minutes and then we talked about our feelings and now we're in a relationship...

My mum knows, but my father doesn't, obviously. He can't know. I won't tell him, I'm not suicidal, I don't want him to kill me or kick me out. Harry always tells me that he will accept me because he loves me, but I know it's not true. Even if his own brother was gay, he would hate him, hit him. He is violent and heartless and I hate him.

Mark still thinks Eleanor and I are dating. I talked to Harry about her and even though he doesn't like the idea of her and me going on date, he knows I'm gay and that I would never cheat on him. I waited for this relationship for so long, I'm not going to fuck it up, I want it to last. Forever.

Keep my secrets safe.

Louis. x