Priceless Love

Childhood Crushes and Dance Partners

Sanem! Wh-what are you saying? Julian stuttered, disbelief taking over his mind. He stood up and started walking around his living room. It was a warm day in Southern California but he felt a shiver as if a cold wind had blown through his open windows.

Julian had settled in San Diego several months ago, siting the perfect year round weather and not wanting to deal with the colder winters up north where his parents lived. He had wanted to bring Sanem to visit after her father's health improved, since his plan to convince her to deepen their relationship in Istanbul had not worked to plan.

Julian, we haven't worked for a long time now. You know that, Sanem pleaded, not understanding why he was so surprised. She knew he wouldn't take it well but didn't expect him to be this upset, honestly. They hardly ever saw one another.

But you haven't given us a chance. I came to Istanbul to ask you about getting more serious and you're, you're what...breaking up with me? Over the phone? he said incredulously.

Julian, I had no idea that's what you were thinking when you came here and yes, I thought at one time that I wanted to pursue more with you as well but, I just don't think I can. I want us to be friends. That's pretty much what we've been for a long time now. I'm not moving to the US and you know my heart is between here with my family and Paris. It's just not working. And I'm so so sorry about doing this over the phone but I didn't want to stretch this out any longer. Please forgive me, Sanem said, tears brimming and burning her eyes.

Sanem, I want..no I need you to be straight with me. Honesty. It's what we've always had between us. Is, is there someone else? Julian asked while he held his breath and closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

Sanem was a beautiful, smart and caring woman. Any man with half a brain would fall in love with her but he prayed that she hadn't been the one who fell this time.

He wanted me to be straight with him, she thought. Such an American term. She had no choice but to tell him the truth.

Julian, she whispered, I, I can't lie to you but it's not what you think. I'm confused. Conflicted.

You've met someone, then, Julian said a little more gruffly than he intended to.

Sanem paused for a few moments, trying to formulate her answer carefully.

Maybe. I don't know. Like I said, I'm not sure what's happening. My dad is my priority right now as well as helping my mom and the publishing house for a few more weeks. I'm not looking for a relationship, she answered, hoping it was enough.

I wanted to come to you to say these things in person but there's been no opportunity. I haven't had time to answer your texts and I know our calls have been short but...Julian, my family needs me here. I just know that for us, all I really want is a friendship. Like we've been sharing the last year or so. We depend on one another for support. But..there's no real...connection anymore. I'm sorry. I didn't know your visit here meant you were looking for more but I wasn't foolish enough to think it wasn't significant either. So, I hoped saying this to you now would prevent you from getting hurt but I understand that I'm too late. And for that I am truly sorry. You mean so much to me, truly you do. I never meant to hurt you, she begged, hating that she made him feel this way.

That's what everyone says when they're about to hurt someone they care about. Good night, Sanem, he answered, hurt and confused.

She held the phone in her hands for a long time after he ended the call abruptly and thought about their conversation.

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She played that conversation over and over the next morning as she sat at her desk.