Beyond The Glass

Closure

Serena's POV

Again, and again and again...something is knocking at my head like a hammer...hammering and hammering again and again, what do I do?! Someone please MAKE IT STOP! MAKE THEM STOP!

Someone calls for me but I can only hear it muffled, their voice is so far away "SERENA?! Is everything OK?!" It's Niel, one of Mirena's friends.He seems genuinely concerned, but that means close to nothing compared to the ringing I have in my head.

"Ah! Yes... I was just lost in thought...really lost..." I'm gazing at something but at nothing at all...what were those black dots again? My chest feels heavy and constricted for some reason...I know i was controlling my emotions just fine. Was I wrong about this as well?

"Well... fortunately you're back, right?" He smiles cheerfully...so full of life and vitality and no worries at all, I ...I can't smile like that, but...Mirena asked me to smile at others as well...

"Yes...thank you for bringing me back..." Am I doing it right? I can't see my face, but I do know the corners of my lips are raised.

"At your service madam" he bowed lightly "...and you don't need to mirror my smile if you're feeling drained..."

"!!! You..." How did he notice? I'm wearing my jacket quite tightly...

"She told us... We shouldn't be a burden to you if we saw a few signs...that's all..." He says apologetically, as if sensing my immediate discomfort.

"No I-I wasn't...thank you" I just can't come out looking like this and lie saying this whole thing isn't tiring at all.

"It might do you well to stay far from the situation for a while...rest a little" he proposed, while putting a hand on top of my head.

"No, but I... I-I am fine... I-I want to help". I don't want to be cast aside just yet, I-I would feel even worse.

"Don't worry, Bell knows this already...you can rest easy" he smiled reassuringly.

I look at my right, and I see her there...with a sad smile but nodding as if understanding the whole situation...

How can she look at me so pitifully when she is the one in distress? I don't like it, no... I just don't like it.

I HATE IT! ... We are here for her, not for me! I hate not being of help! I hate to be pitied! I hate to be useless! I hate this pounding I have on my head that makes me unable to think straight! I hate it! I hate it all!!

"Hey!" Niel grabs both my hands and looks me straight in the eyes, forcing my wandering eyes to focus on him.

"!!!" The sudden contact surprised me. I hadn't noticed my hands were shaking so much until the moment he grabbed them. Were these the signs Mirena told them about?

"It's fine really..." he reassures me, looking worried about me and my unstable demeanor "You know what? Look over there, the bastard is really trying to escape from the balcony. How amusing" he laughs again, this guy laughs so effortlessly "I can't believe Mir was right about him trying to escape from there. Most of the time she is right about, well, everything."

"Nobody will catch him?" He really is brazen for stealing a large sum of money and still attempt to run when he is surrounded.

"Everything is in control" he points at a place underneath the balcony.

Is that... "Isn't that...?" Am I seeing right? There's a person right there.

"Yup!... Our living mountain in person..." Niel speaks proudly like a father praising his son.

"Silas?" Sure enough, Silas caught Aden while he was jumping down from the balcony. I thought things like these I would only see in movies.

It was funny. I laughed a little and that short moment helped me regain my composure. Niel said he knew that scene would cheer me up...and to be honest...it really did, but when I looked over at Bell, she wasn't smiling and that made my smile fade away...throughout the whole scene she never smiled, not even once...

Even when the judge declared him guilty and had to give her more money as compensation for causing her Glass to be tinted...even when we saw him so miserably and shamelessly begging for forgiveness to Bell and to give him another chance...

Even when Mina almost broke his nose in a fit of anger, that almost caused us to be exposed in the lion's den, she wasn't happy...

She didn't look satisfied, she didn't look like she had got closure for that whole chaos that was going on for weeks, nothing... how can she not feel relieved?

When I don't express gratitude, I'm doubted of my sincerity, they call me out for not voicing my praises, they say I'm being inconsiderate of other people's efforts ...things that I honestly could live without and didn't ask for.... So why? Why can she live unscathed from their anger? Why can she and not me also? Isn't the pain the same? Isn't the agony the same? Doesn't my suffering matter also? Is this world really that messed up that I have to be false about my own opinion and swallow the anger, resentment and displeasure of it all?

Just how can I live like this? Can someone please tell me? Am I being too desperate? Am I being too dramatic? For all it's worth, what should I do in this situation?