Beyond The Glass

Cargo from Within

Mirena is sitting by my side inspecting my face from time to time.

When we are at home we usually don't cover our Glasses but... today I don't want to, so I'm just wearing my favorite hoodie... covering it from her view.

Mirena says my hoodie is too big, but I couldn't care less about that. I personally think it's wonderful. It's fluffy, comfortable and has the inscription "The best teacups are always chipped" and that could define me or Mirena. We aren't flawless, but we do our best, and certainly we don't cause a lot of problems for other people, except for the fact that by simply existing we are already a problem...

"Ugh!" that certainly hit the spot, my chest is throbbing like someone just hit it with a hammer.

"You don't look well again today... I know that's usually your normal state, but nonetheless..." Mirena looks at me with concern. When she's like this, I can't help but want to hide even deeper and maybe disappear from her sight.

"I'm fine really..." I said, managing a somewhat crooked smile. It's not easy to smile when your chest feels like it has been set ablaze.

Mirena scoffs and glares at me "We are past all that "I'm fine" insincere words, just..." she sighs and runs a hand through her hair "...you just need to tell me when you're ready, that's all...I told you before that I hate to pressure you, so just say "I'm not ready to talk" and I will get it...Ok?" she said, pating my head.

"... ... ..." I started to cry silently, trying to swallow all the sobs and my desperation.

Her pats continued while I was trying not to fall victim to them. That is a habit that is as old as our friendship and, at the moment, the only thing that makes me vulnerable... I don't want to tell her I'm not ok with how everyone treated Bell... that they gave her full support, while when I'm at my flaws' mercy, everyone runs straight to the Fire solution, they never give me what I need... it's always what would erase completely what makes them uncomfortable... What they need.

But Bell is her friend and saying hurtful things about her and Mina's other friends isn't something good, it's not my business,their friendship, their closeness, it's just not for me...they tried to get closer to me, but I admit that I don't really want to deal with other people, have to learn about them, what they like and what they don't, for me to be surprised with a person who talks behind my back or to run from them because they turned out to be completely fake and wild monsters without heart.

That's why I only need to get them away from me. I don't want to see the supportive community they have created for each other. I'm not that selfish to want it for me as well, I was never of much help either way, i was never there when one of them needed, I could never provide any useful information, so this is better for everyone. If I am like this, everyone else will forget I exist, and I will keep myself away from their sight, like a ghost...not helping or interfering.

I want to live a peaceful life without needing to bend myself to other people wishes, we can co-exist in the same space without messing with each other affairs, that's what I want, that's what would be just perfect.

I started sobbing like a child... so much for trying to prevent this from happening "I...hate...crying" i really hate crying, i am just admitting without words that something isn't right.

Mirena chuckles and embraces me. "You hate a lot of things young lady. The other day I heard you saying you hate mornings too..."

"I do..." I sobbed again "and it's your fault..."Seriously, if it was the me from before, I would rather be buried alive than express my feelings so openly.

"I know...they say anger is contagious..." she said in a more quiet voice, as if appeasing a suffering kid and that kid is obviously me. I hate this even more...

"It's over now" I stop crying, and dry my tears "I'll go prepare dinner..." I don't care of how I might look, but i need to run away from this helpless and frustrating situation. So I stood from where we were sitting and walked to the kitchen.

"... .... I'll be here. Just call out for me if you need me" she said, looking at me earnestly.

"... ... I know... thank you..." I replied while looking at the painting behind her. She needs to stop this cheesy things. I'm getting embarrassed way too often from it.

At that, her demeanor changed and she said smirking "You know something? You're really lucky to have someone like me you know? Others would kill to have someone like me"

I roll my eyes. There she is with that big ego of hers "Don't you think you're waaaaay too self-centered?"

She gasps in disbelief "Am I? I never noticed such a thing, I've always been so perfect"

Now it was my turn to scoff at that statement "That would mean you were born flawless, lady."

She layed back on the sofa..."Nuh-Uh... flawless aren't perfect. Proof of that is that Aden guy from a few days ago, if he was, he wouldn't even think so stupidly as he did...Or at least he wouldn't be so obvious..."

"I know but..." Thinking about all that scenario is bringing me a headache "forget it, what would you like for dinner today?

"A little bit of honesty would be great..."she said tentatively.

"Ugh! Just tell me what you want to eat already!" Sometimes she can be a pain.

"Ok, ok how about chicken stew?" she said raising her arms signaling that she gave up.

"I'm on it...Lucky for you I went shopping a while ago" I exit the living room completely

Cooking has always been a passion of mine, I wouldn't say it's my favorite though...what I love doing the most is draw and paint, but Mina says most of my artworks are gloomy and eerie, she says it's scary and brings negative thoughts to her, for me however it's comforting and familiar, something that if I were to translate into food it wouldn't look appetizing at all i must admit, but life isn't pretty right? At least not for people like us.

When I want to draw, most of the times I imagine a whole different life from what I have now, a world where things like the Glass, The Light, Flaws and Flawless don't exist and where I can walk freely without being humiliated or disregarded, pitied like a being without voice or thoughts, whose "disease" conditions everything around them. Where a group of a selected few can destroy the lives of a lot of people while saying it's "in name of the greater good for our society ".It's already difficult as it is with my Glass damaging my body everytime, but with THEM, it's a whole lot more difficult.

In this world, they dictate the rules, they say what's acceptable and what's not, they are the law.

They say they treat everyone equally and promote kindness for Flaws, they make charity works for us, they give special help for us, THEY!... THEY! ... THEY!... THEY!... one more thing to add to the list of things I hate...

My mind always wanders, I can't focus completely at one thing only and when I need to multi-task I get distracted with other things...

I really got to focus, otherwise the food will burn...

But they really get on my nerves, with their hypocrisy, fake smiles and pity for beings like me...I hate them all.