After math

Stay Alive

                                                                                     Annalise 

Coughing, smoke, darkness.

That's what surrounded me. A fire started after I got into a very little disagreement with Andrew. It was expected since we had only been dating for a week and it was our first fight. Being with him was amazing. He was sweet and...that's it. He was sweet but it was almost as if it was forced.

For my sake.

I try to push my thoughts about him and stay close to the floor and crawl out of the office I was in. I went to pay a visit to Clara to hand in my two week notice. I was quitting.

I hadn't been feeling well ever since I started dating Andrew. Maybe even before then but I decided to go to the doctor. I had stage three cancer. I wasn't expecting it but I also wasn't going to spend the rest of my life working there.

That's why I was crying so much after me and Andrew sex.

He has told me how thankful he was to have me in his life and I didn't have the heart to tell him I may not be alive in a few months. I was angry at him because I cared about him so much. But at the moment I had a building on top of me and I was trying to find a way to crawl out. The building we worked at had to have been at least a hundred years old. 

It had just been updated but one mistake that the builders made could've caused this.  

I finally see a little bit of light and recognize the cars going down the street. If I could, I would smile but I couldn't exactly feel anything at the moment. I slowly make my way out of the pile of rubble and get myself out. "Annalise!" I hear a familiar voice. 

Andrew.

Medics shuffle all around me as they help me to my feet. They quickly bring me to the ambulance and check my wounds. There was a ringing noise so I couldn't hear anything they were saying. My eyes stayed focused on Andrew. The concern clear as day in his features.

I was planning on telling him about my cancer over dinner but he's gone through enough today. He doesn't need anymore shit to deal with. I did everything the paramedics asked me to and eventually they started stitching up my wounds. I had several all along my body. I got the lucky end of the deal. 

Twenty died in the building when it collapsed. One is in critical condition from the fire that was started upstairs right before I left. That could have been me.

That should have been me.

That person had a family. A home. Someone they could go home to and now they're barely holding on. I should have been the one in that position, not them. 

When the paramedics finished up checking my wounds, Andrew had his arms wrapped around me. He looked terrible. He had several cuts and bruises along his face, what seemed to be stitches right on his cheek and a broken arm. He was in no condition to be hugging anyone, I was no exception. 

I push him off of me, trying to be careful but failing. He stepped back and his eyes narrowed. "We almost died and you're pushing me off of you?" He says, his voice hard and cold. Just like when I first met him. "You can't hug me I don't want you making your injuries worse." I say softly, trying to show him that I'm not intentionally being rude.

"I don't give a damn about my injuries I want to hug you. I almost lost you. If I lose you I don't know what I'm going to do." He says softly, ignoring my words and hugging me tightly. I can't help but melt into his touch. He sighs and presses his lips to my temple. I feel tears pool in my eyes at his words.

"I..." I trail off, my eyes meeting his. I see how he looks at me and I know in my heart that I love him. He looks at me and smiles softly. "I'm sorry about the fight earlier." I say, deciding against what I was planning on telling him.

He hums and says "I am t-" he blacks out before he can say anything. He falls on top of me and I step back, trying not to fall under his weight. Paramedics come and pull him off of me and get him into an ambulance. It all happens in such a blur that I don't have enough time to know what's going on. 

Something is wrong with Andrew. I care about him so much, I can't let him die. I get into the ambulance right behind him and sit down on one of the sides. I was holding his hand the entire way to the hospital. I don't know why I was so worried about him. I mean, I was his girlfriend, I obviously would care about him but why did I care about him like I would about myself?

Did I...love him?

Was I in love with him?

God, this is all so fucking confusing but I try to push those thoughts away. Right now, he was al that mattered. His health, his wellbeing, anything and everything about him mattered right now. I feel tears begin to spill out of my eyes but I try to brush them away. I need to be strong for him.

Maybe I did love him. Maybe I was in love with him. I clearly cared enough about him to cry for him so there was clearly some feelings there. I kiss his forehead and squeeze his hand gently. He may not be able to feel it but if he can, I want him to know that I'm right here. I'm always going to be right there for him, no matter what happens.

We finally arrive at the hospital and I have to check in. I would do anything for him. I was thanking God for still being alive and praying that Andrew would be too. I made my peace with death when I was seventeen and I tried to kill myself. I wasn't scared of it anymore.

It was other people dying that scared me.

When I found out I had cancer, I was in shock. They told me that if I did chemo treatments and a couple of surgeries, that I would have a slightly better chance of living for a few more years. But there's always a chance of that cancer returning.

I'm not as scared as I was. I didn't have much of a choice. I had to be strong, I had to be brave. I hate to admit it, but Andrew was the only person I had left. 

I finish up filling out the paperwork and make my way up to his room. All of the doctors were giving me sympathetic looks as I walked down the hallway. Maybe Andrew died, maybe they knew that I was going to die or maybe, just maybe, they knew that I was in the building accident.

The third choice seemed to be the most logical.

When I got to his room, the doctor had a solemn look on his face. Andrew eyes made their way to mine. I smile softly at him, thanking whatever was up there, that Andrew was okay. 

However that smile instantly fell when I heard the words that came out of his mouth.

"You have cancer?"

A/N

...so...

I don't know what I'm going to be doing from here on out.

I don't know if I might kill off Annalise or what.

I'm still trying to figure it out.

I'm sorry for taking so long to post this, I had some internet issues and I will be posting another chapter later today.

I don't know if I'm going to post on Friday or on Saturday because I'm going to be out of town those days but I will try my very best.

Anyway, if you guys have any ideas, comment something about it and I might factor it in for onw of the chapters.

Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter!

Love you guys!!!