Eroda Sunshine

Our Home

"So what did you think of Emily, and more importantly, Adam?" asked Louis, totally unaware of Harry's reaction to his comment about the way the others had looked at them. He had been uncomfortable with it, yes, but if he'd known of Harry's knee-jerk yet silent reaction, he would have cut out the part about the not-so-good feeling, as that hadn't been completely accurate, and explained it with something like, "Hey no offense to you. It's just that I felt that people I barely knew might have been judging us in a disapproving way." As it was, he had sounded uncompromising, as if he felt nothing for Harry, friends or otherwise, and remorse nagged at him.

Harry, not wanting Louis to catch onto the way Louis' remark had stung, answered quickly, as if nothing were bothering him.

"I feel the same way Kricket does about Adam. He's bloody creepy."

"Yeah, he's either naturally grumpy, or maybe even has sinister thoughts I'd rather not spook meself with. Now, what about Emily?"

"Why are you askin' me? Why not state your opinion first?" Harry complained, losing his grip on appearing neutral. He was perturbed by Louis' attitude, even though he knew he was being completely unreasonable. Louis had only stated what he felt about Adam, and then asked about Harry's take on Emily. Harry had no right to question it.

"Just curious what your thoughts were," Louis took a moment to look into Harry's eyes, whereas before, he'd directed his own eyes down at the sand. That was why he hadn't caught the look of hurt in Harry's eyes at his comment. He knew for sure now he should have used different wording.

"If you must know, I feel Emily is kind of in her own little world, not connected to reality so much."

"Interestin' way of puttin' it. I felt she must be depressed about sommat."

"You could say that too. She's probably a combination of . . . ominous disorders. And gettin' on a ship that wrecked couldn't have helped her state of mind. She might still be in shock."

So they were pretty close in their assessments, which Louis had already suspected.

"Um . . . I didn't mean to . . . offend you when I . . . made that remark a while ago," Louis stuck his neck out and allowed himself to be honest. He'd had enough of dishonesty in his life, and he'd be damned if he'd let it happen again. Not with Harry expressly. Harry needed truthfulness, and Louis wanted no room for error or misunderstandings.

"What . . . what remark?" Harry said carefully, not wanting to risk guessing what Louis was referring to without knowing for sure.

"You know what I'm talkin' about. Just say it, for fuck's sake," grumbled Louis, knowing that he'd gotten himself backed into a corner.

"About you not likin' how they were thinkin' about us?" asked Harry.

Spot on.

Now Louis didn't have to say it himself. It was the easy way out, but it was embarrassing enough anyway. He simply nodded.

"It's no big deal to me," Harry revealed. "I'm gay, and I don't really care what they think."

Now they were treading in some damn deep water. "But I can see how it would upset you," Harry added quickly.

Now was the perfect, ideal time to admit to Harry that he was gay, yet Louis found himself mute. He had this irrational fear of Harry thinking he was coming onto him. His thoughts were jumbled, and he really wasn't sure how he felt about anything. One thing he did know was that he didn't want or need another relationship, and being stranded on an island shouldn't change anything. The feelings had to be real, not just because there was no one else, and it was convenient. And not because someone happened to be attractive and sexy.