Eroda Sunshine

Unspoken Anguish

Oh my God!

What the fuck?

Had he really seen what he thought it was, or was it his imagination? Why was he feeling so dreadful? So morose? He tried to talk some sense into himself, calm himself down, summon some control. What was happening? Why did he feel like this?

Harry is a grown man. He can do as he wants.

The biggest question though: Why did he care? Why was he reacting this way with such shock, such despair? As if his best friend had died? Wait a minute . . . get a hold of yourself, he screamed in his mind. Stop spiraling, get a grip! But his heart was enduring ripple after ripple of heavy, heavy . . . something. Something pulling him down with great force. Hopelessness? That was the only word he could put to it that was even close. Why? Harry was his friend, that was all. His roommate, so to speak. His companion, his confidant. Well, even then, it was only to a certain point. So there was no logical reason for this reaction unless . . . no, he wouldn't let his mind go there.

They had practiced for a while, and Tristan was kissing like an expert in no time. He'd gone from the worst fumbling klutz to being almost like someone who kissed regularly, knew what he was doing, and was self-assured about it. All it had taken was to show him to be graceful, fluid and slow, not rushed and tense. After that things just flowed naturally.

"Feel more confident now?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, I do. I think I can do this." Tristan's face was alight. Rosy cheeks and twinkling eyes told Harry he was eager to put his talents to use with Savannah.

"But just one more question, Harry."

"Yeah?"

"What do I do with my tongue?"

Harry closed his eyes, swallowed thickly and shook his head firmly. "You're gonna have to figure that one out yourself. It's too involved for me. I already feel bad about Louis, but tongue . . ."

"Oh! Okay, I get it. It's too personal."

"Exactly."

Harry made his way back to the shady area, but did not find Louis napping there as he had expected. It made his heart thump a little faster with agitation. But then, he told himself it was his guilt that made him feel like that. There would be some reasonable explanation why Louis had left his napping spot. There was no reason to be worried.

Louis, however, was not in the hut. He hadn't seen him anywhere on the way back either. He could be in any of the huts for one reason or another. Talking to someone or something. But when he checked it out, everyone was outside in the shade as they were every afternoon that was sunny. Emily wasn't outside, but then she never was, and Louis had no reason to be at her place. And Harry didn't even go near Adam's hut for obvious reasons.

Harry began to worry. He decided to go up the hill again, since he couldn't find Louis and that was the only place he reasoned he could be. When there was no sign of him there either, Harry started to panic, albeit silently and not showing restlessness on the outside.

Then, as he looked around from his vantage point from atop the hill, he caught sight of a faint figure on the sand at the water line quite a way away. Afraid the figure might be Adam, Harry decided not to walk in that direction. The last thing he wanted was to meet Adam face to face out there away from everyone else. That would be a foolish move. He'd just have to wait for Louis to come back.

When Kricket saw Harry come down from the hill, she ran up to him, her usual smile spreading across her face.

"Where's Louis?" was the first thing she said. Were they really that attached at the hip? He supposed they were. They were nearly always together, and if they weren't, they didn't stay apart for long. Even Kricket was aware of that. Again, Harry wondered what the others thought of them. And once again, he was pretty sure everyone thought they were lovers, even though there was no proof.