𝔻𝔸𝕃𝕀𝔸ℍ

𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑤𝑜

I looked at the bottle of sleeping pills in my hand. I really needed it, as I didn't sleep last night.

After we all retired for the night, I went onto the balcony of my room. I even have my own room, it was beside halima's. I noticed the sky was beautiful, it shone brightly, the stars twinkling and the full moon standing proud in the middle of the show.

It was wonderful, captivating even. I felt peace staring at them, I felt warmth, I felt like I had something. I had only left the balcony when a knock came on my door, and when I opened it, it was to halima telling me I should come down for subh prayers as they prayed together.

Uncle Ali had told me to wait after the prayers and I sat with him.

"Daliah..". He called, as usual it was soothing.

"I don't know what has happened for me to meet you like that yesterday. But I want you to remember that you have no right to try and take your life, only Allah who has given it to you can take it back".

"Surely, he has put you in a situation to test you, but you have to try and pass that test, because only he can take you out of that situation. Whatever happens in your life whether good or bad, occurs only because he allows it to. Do you understand what I'm saying?". I nodded.

"That being said, I want you to meet a therapist. She's a good friend of mine and...".

"I don't want to see anyone". I cut him off and he sighed.

"Daliah, I know this is hard but you need help". I looked up at him for the first time since we sat there, and even then I couldn't look him in the eye.

"Please, don't force me. I'll be fine". He was quiet for a moment.

"Okay then. If you say so". I nodded gratefully.

"Where did stop schooling?".

"Uhm, I finished secondary school". Boss made sure I went to school, he said he likes educated girls.

"That's good. Faruq is in the final year at secondary school, so when he's taking the exams, you'll too, then you can join halima in university".

"Thank you sir".

"Don't call me that". He scolded.

"Daliah?". I glanced at him then back at my hands.

"Always make sure you pray on time and say your azhkars. Allah will make you better and if you need anything or you want to talk don't hesitate to meet any of us". I nodded.

"Uhm, please can I learn Islamic books before the exams?".

"Ofcourse, I'll arrange for that soon. Anything else?".

"What about your wife? If you don't mind me asking". I added the last part quickly.

"We are no longer together. Is that all?".

"Yes, thank you".

"Go and rest then". I thanked him again and went upstairs.

I checked for a first kit in my room and I found one, I got the sleeping pills there, I swallowed three tablets and laid down waiting for the drug to kick in.

Allah is giving me another chance at happiness and I will take it and I will be happy. But will it be as easy as I am saying it now?

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Halima said we had to go shopping. I am the reason for the shopping, but faruq and batool are tagging along. Their father gave his credit card and they were all excited because they could squander the money and use my name.

We went to a large mall, halima said their father's friend owned it, so we would get a 20% discount on anything we buy, as long as we buy from his personal clothes store.

I tried on different clothes that they forced me to, when I got tired, I just told them to pick anything. I didn't have a problem with fashion, I just wear clothes. They did that. Picking different clothes, shoes, bags.

"I think this is enough". I told them after a while.

"Trust me it isn't. It's not everyday Baba gives his card like this". Halima replied and I let them.

They got somethings for themselves too, we paid and hit the road again. Batool suggested ice-cream, the others agreed and so we stopped at an ice-cream shop.

"Are you not coming?". Faruq asked after they got down but I remained seated in the car.

"I don't take ice-cream, you go on". I replied and they looked at each other.

"Are you for real?". Batool said almost annoyed.

"Why. Are you allergic?". Halima asked.

"No, just. I don't fancy it". They left reluctantly.

I looked out my window and looked at the shop, it had glass walls so I could see the people inside. I saw a man raise a spoonful into his mouth and as it dripped, I looked away disgusted.

I remember, It was my 16th birthday. Boss had bought cake and ice-cream to celebrate my day. I was still naive then, or maybe I was ignorant, but nevertheless I felt good when he said I was now a big girl and I had to celebrate it how big girls do.

He had stripped me, forcefully. Smeared the cold flavoured cream on my body and licked it off. I had screamed and pushed but it was useless. He did the same to himself and told me do the same to him. I refused but after getting whipped, he still had to force me.

I never saw ice-cream with the same eyes again or myself even. I started hating my body from that day. I had scrubbed myself, so hard my caramel skin turned red, the injuries from the whip a mixture of yellow, purple and red.

The siblings returned a while later with their package and we drove back home. Uncle Ali was not back, halima said he usually comes home from work by 7. No wonder he saw me that day. I also learnt that his office is opposite the building I stood on, so he saw me from his window and rushed over.

I spent the night with halima arranging the clothes in my wardrobe and she told me about their family. You would think they are a close knit one, but apparently only batool and their oldest brother is close to their mother. The other two don't have a good relationship with, because of reasons best known to them.

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