Whispers Of The Heart

CYRA

This is how you feel when you're nervous. The uneasiness, anxiousness, and a pumping heart on top of it. I could cleary sense Blood rushing through my ears.

Since this morning I'm bit on a edge. The reason is my boyfriend Richard. Richard and I are In a relationship since we're 17. It's been a six years to be exact. He's a sweet guy who really loves me, but the problem is he loves his passion a little more. Well it's not like it was hidden thing or something. I knew about his passion to be an actor since day one. It's one of the main reason I fell for him. The actual problem is he's moving away. And probably he's gonna break up with me. Today. That's what he texted me.
Well.. not exactly...
But what other meaning does " WE NEED TO TALK " have ??
I've been stalling the inevitable.

"He's been waiting for like half an hour. Should I ask him to leave?"
Lily my co-worker informs me.
"No need. I need to face him." "Eventually "
I told her wiping my sweaty hands in my back pocket.

Sips & beans usually crowded in the morning. It has a cozy vibe, with lots of floral decors. It's a small local cafe, My mom owns it. My mom bought this place 18 years ago, with the help of her distant cousin George. Mom says he really helped us through our hard time, after that person left us. Its been so long i should have get over with it. But i couldn't call him my father. Not even in my head. We still visit George once in a every year.
This place holds so many good memories. I typically lived here my whole life. But it seems like everything gonna change. The happy memories this coffee shop has, is gonna turn into the place where I'll be ending my 6yrs relationship with Richard.

I went towards him, counting my each step. And finally our eyes met. He looks different. Like He's trying to hide his emotions. But I know what He's thinking about. Don't worry Richard I'm not gonna hold you back.
I never did.
"Hey.." he said.
"Hi.." i said in a low voice.
"You wanted to talk??"
I said casually as if I don't know. 3 days ago when I went to his apartment, I accidentally saw that document. Papers of his new apartment in LA. I sat infront of him.
"Cyra.. umm.. I've an amazing news. I got an offer." He's eyes were beaming with happiness. As it should. He's been trying really hard to work in Hollywood. Being an actor is his biggest dream.
"Okay.!!"
"In a web series."
"Wow... congratulations.."
I know my voice doesn't sound as happy as it should have.
"Cyra.. what happened??" He asked in a concerned voice.
"Are you OK??"
How should I be OK? The love of my life is going to break thing off with me?? I can't be the happiest person. Not right now. It's not like I'm not happy for him. It's just that.. I've planned my entire future with him. And He's leaving for good. A lone tear escaped from my eyes. I didn't wipe it. Then another... and another...
"Baby... stop crying... I know everything happened so fast, you need time to process. Even I couldn't believe myself."
He said in a calm voice like he's talking to some 5 year old kid.
He pulled my chair towards him, and hold my hands.
I think it's time.
He's gonna confess.
"Well.. its not a big project but it the ticket that lead to Hollywood. Everything's gonna be fine cyra. We gonna have a happy life, I'll make sure of that."
He said caressing my hand.
"What!!!!!"
I jumped out of the chair.
"What??"
"You're not here to break up with me ??" I asked shockingly.
"Why would I do that ?? Are you out of your mind ?" He ran his hands through his hair.
"But you're moving to LA right ??"
"So what ?"
"So it's natural that we're braking up right?"
"I'll just be three hours away God damn it. You can come to me anytime you want. It's not like I'm moving to the other side of the world. Jesus!"
I couldn't believe what He's saying. Well we never discussed about being in a long distance relationship or something. I wipe my tears with my shaky my hand. And then I hugged him.
"I thought we're done for good. I'm sorry."
By the time i realized, I was a crying mess.
"Tons of people does long distance. We gonna be fine." He said patting my head. 
"Yeah.. we gonna make it work." I replied in a cracked voice.
"Were you seriously crying thinking I'll break up with you ?"
He asked in a calm voice.
"I'm happy for you." I Said avoiding his question.
"I know you'll be the happiest. Don't worry I'm doing this for our future. You just have to hang in there for a little while. Then we'll move in together. Now stop crying. I gotta go. Otherwise I'm gonna miss my flight."
He said breaking the hug.
"You going somewhere? To LA ??  Like Right now?"
"Yeah..actually I've a lot of things to do. I'll call you as soon as I reach there. They've rented a nice place for me. Also got a meeting with some people.. I need to hurry. Otherwise I'll be late. Love you. Bye."
And then.. he left.
To LA.
To pursue his dreams.
Leaving me here.
At least one of us is making his dream come true.
"What did he said?" Lily asked curiously.
"He isn't braking up with me. My voice was flat. "He got an offer. So he's moving to LA."
"And what about you?"
"We're doing long distance."
"See.. told ya.. you just worried for nothing." Lily is one of those few people who genuinely cares for me.
"Well you didn't broke up and that douchebag got an offer this needs a celebration. Let's get drunk tonight."

Lily and her excuses to drink.

Sure.. I replied.

Last few hours felt like a roller coaster. Few minutes ago I was anxious overthinking about break up. And now I'm drinking like it's my last day in earth.

_________________________________________

My head is blasting. Sudden sound of my alarm woke me up. It's Tuesday my day off. I really wanted to sleep in. But I forgot to turn off my alarm yesterday night.
Gosh.. It's the last time I'm drinking. I went towards my kitchen for some coffee. And the fresh smell of coffee and pancake was all over my tiny apartment. I'm not surprised to she her here.
"Mom.. what are doing here??" I asked without any excitement In my voice.

I don't live with my mom. I was 21 when I move out. She just lives few blocks away from me. I know it's ridiculous to live just 10 mins away from my mom, but I needed that space. Sometimes she can be too much.

"Oh.. sweetie you woke up ?"
Mom asked. "You were sleeping so didn't wake you up. By the way, I'm making your favorite pancake. Go and fresh n up, then we'llhave breakfast together. "
I nod and walk away. There's no way she just came here to have breakfast only. There's tons of questions waiting in line for me. And I'm not answering any of it before I've my coffee. It's not like she's a bad mom or she doesn't love me . It's just that she loves me way too much that she thinks my life is gonna turn out exactly like hers.

And loving someone too much can be poisonous.

"Lily told me you drank a lot yesterday. Is everything okay ??"
There she goes...
"Yeah mom. Everything's fine. Don't worry."
I replied her as I take a bite from my favorite blueberry pancake. She might not be good at conversation but she makes really good pancakes.
"What about your boyfriend?"
She finally asked.
"What about him ?"
"Is everything going alright??"
" He got an offer in a web series in LA."
"OH"
"what about you?" She asked me as she  pour herself a cup of coffee.
"We gonna move in together once he settles down." I told her dry-ly.
"Are you sure about it?"
"What do you wanna hear mom ?? Look I'm not in the mood for it. You came here made me breakfast I'm thankful to you. But don't start again about Richard. We are good. Now please excuse me. I need to go."
I can't stand it anymore, so left to my bedroom. It's not that Richard is a bad person or he doesn't love me or something. He cares for me. And I do too. But No one in my circle likes him enough to be my boyfriend. Everyone says he's too driven towards his career. Isn't it a good thing. ?? I honestly fell for him for that exact reason.
A lot of people don't know what they want from their life. Some of them are stuck their whole life. But Richard knew what  he want. And he really works hard for it. And I respect his hardwork.
Please God, just this one time I want to prove my mom that she's wrong. I don't want to end up like her.

I don't want to be my mom.
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aein_xo