ONE TOO MANY CHANCES

The distance is spreading...

Tae's POV

I was railed up by that call a couple of nights ago,I know his sigh. I know deep down inside me that it was him who called me but I am also in denial because why would he call me? He wants nothing to do with me right?

He hasn't reached out or tried to talk to me about anything so why would he call me out of the blue? Was it about Bam and Tan? But they are with Ari why isn't he calling her?

Jungkook please don't do this to me not while I am running away from showing up infront of you like now. I know you are coming to New York tomorrow for the Global Citizens performance and that's why I am leaving today to Paris .

I was scheduled to leave in two days but I know I will be tempted to see you baby and you might not like that. I can't deal with rejection and so I have to save myself from humiliation. And the people I love so much don't want us to be together again.

I am not myself without you, I want to know what you're doing,who you're doing it with? Are you happy with Jihoon? How far did it go after the date? Are you singing or playing games ? Do you think of me? Don't you miss me at all? I do,I miss you so much.

Seo-joon:" You're all set.I hate that you're traveling before hand. Is it because he's coming tomorrow.

Tae:" It's not because of him,I just want to go there earlier.

Seo-joon:" Will you be back or are you going to Korea?

Tae:" I don't know what I want right now but I will figure it out.Its been a month and two weeks surely I should be fine by now.Its just that I am homeless.

Seo-joon:" Just come back here until you figure things out. It's free and I love the company.

Tae:" Seriously just marry me and be my sugar daddy.

Seo-joon:" hmmmm yes.

We both laugh,he told me that I was crushing on him when I got drunk that day.We get to the airport and my manager and I travel to Paris.

Mngr:" Are you okay?

Tae:" yes I will be...it's not my first heart break.

Mngr:" but this one feels different right? It was deep and intense wasn't it?

Tae:" Yes it was,I feel like I gave him everything to the point where I feel like I am not the same without him.I just want him to want me again but also I have to find it in my heart to be okay with it if he doesn't want me again.Its just so freaking hard.

Mngr:" I am sorry Tae,Love is shouldn't be this hard. I saw how much he loves you it was all in the way he'd look at you when you're not looking or how he would smile as soon as your eyes met. It's intense because it's real and still is.

Tae:"Real? He was out on a date with his ex. Is that love? He left me while I was still recovering. I want to hate him so badly but my stupid heart just won't let me.No matter what he does I could never hate him.I am an idiot who is weak and pathetic.

Mngr:" You're not,for as long as I've known you you have always love love and falling inlove and dreamed of just loving someone, just one person and Jungkook is that person. I hope this storm blows over and you two find your way back to each other.

Tae:" I think the chances I gave him have run out.  If he's happy with whoever he's with I will accept and move on but the funny thing is that saying that out loud hurts so damn much.

I don't want you with anyone but me. Should I book a therapy session? Maybe I keep going back to him because I don't love myself enough to really walk away. Isn't the point of love to put the one you love before yourself?