The Heart of Shadow and Gold

chapter 13

I walk into the bathroom after finding my uniform, we wear our uniforms for training, but we put on armour when participate in special occasions like this one, the guarding ceremony.

I put on the light beige uniform, it has a belt around my waist, gold of course, with spiral-like patterns. Same for the at the top of the outfit, where it rests on the neck, looking like a necklace. And where the outfit ends on my arms, it has the same golden design as the neck and the waist, looking like bracelets. Its the same outfit we wear for training, but it also makes for great underclothing for heavy armour, and it helps that its light layers as it is chilly out but I dont want to be melting under all the gold. Next, I put on the armour, on my shoulder blades, in which some armour dangles down protecting the top half of my torso. I clip on the armour for my back, that dangles all the way down my back until I secure it from clinking off my other accessories. I put it on my knees, and finally the golden boots.  I look at myself in the mirror, the golden armour didnt look heavy, on the contrary, it looked very stylish and formal.

I try not to think about how heavy all this gold is, but instead attempt to walk in them, key word, attempt. As soon as I walk out of the door I fall flat on my face.

Leyla looked up from where she was talking to Clara.

She took one look at me and laughed, well I guess its fair after I laughed at her. "oh shut up and help me." I said sassily. What? I have a reputation to uphold.

After Leyla helped me walk through the orphanage with Clara, they arrived to where theyll be holding the ceremony, me, Clara, and Leyla say our goodbyes and Leyla says her good-lucks and then i go backstage. Seeing the rest of the city makes this one stand out, its a marble stage. Where they use for multiple ceremonys. parties, announcements, and attractions.

The marble on the stage really made the figures stand out, no doubt trying to make the golden figures on it be the main attraction. As Im standing there, peeking out the curtain, thoughts run through my head.

I wonder how I got here, how I deserve this, why I deserve this, do I deserve this?

I look at all the people waiting for me to come out, all these faces counting on me, ready to welcome me, ready to let me help them.

Maybe I'm not ready.

I stare out into the distance, feeling every single thing, seeing every little detail, the barely seeable  crack in the marble, how the banners are spread out as a huge crowd is forming.

Every sound that is made goes into my ears but I cant process it. I know Im panicking and Im telling myself to snap out of it but for some strange reason I just cant.

I feel lightheaded with worry yet my legs hold me steady. I'm scared, but I dont know why.

Why, why am I like this? This is my dream that I have been working towards my entire fricking life.

I turn away from the curtains, letting it drape over my shoulder. Why does this armour feel so heavy? Is it getting hard to breath or is it just me?

I look around for other people but I am the only person. Is that me breathing so heavily?

I look across the bright white marble floors and around the clean polished white walls.

I feel like Im in a winter forest. A winter forest. I hold onto that thought, picturing a demonstration we did in school once. I close my eyes, in and out my breathing steadies. I picture myself sitting in a winter forest, although Ive never seen one i hear stories that the older guards tell us. I picture me sitting on a rock, surrounded by white fluffy clouds on the ground. pine trees surround the clearing in an orderly fashion lined up neatly. And an arctic fox jumping over a rock, its long lush tail trailing behind it and it looks at me. I try to reach out but it runs away, gentle snow falls from the branches onto my shoulder and i feel at ease.