Tell Me How; A TeacherxStudent WLW

mommy?

drip,

drip,

drip.

I listen to the sound of the shower dripping and it wakes me. 

Why is she still in the shower? She should be here with me. 

drip,

drip.

"Mom?" The words come out faster than they should have, the intensity of my voice makes the room start to freefall. It's dark in the room. There are no windows or decorations. Not even a door. 

"Mom, please help." I try to keep on the floor while waiting for my mother to return. She told me she was going to take a shower and come right back. Why has she been showering for 18 years? Why won't she come back? Is it my fault? 

I just made a mistake. I'm sorry for making a mistake. I won't do it again. I want her to come back. I just want her love. That's all. 

When I'm floating in the air, I don't remember anything. My whole life is in this dark empty room. I want to leave. I want to leave the room I want to leave my life. I want to stop being a burden to the room's perfect frame. The room with no personality has more use than the lonely fucked up 18-year-old girl that just takes up space in it. 

Is that all I am? Mass? An object that takes up space? 

The room stops free-falling and I fall to the floor. 

The cold hard floor. 

drip,

drip,

drip.

I realize that all my purpose is sitting here waiting for my mom to return. I waste my life waiting for someone who doesn't deserve it. 

I keep hearing the dripping and I close my eyes. 

I'm at the beach. I want to get in the water but something is stopping me, pulling me back.

My toes are being kissed by the current. I'm about to step in. The thing that's pulling me back, it doesn't have a name. I think of calling her Fear. 

She stands behind me watching to see if I make another step. 

Once I start making a step, I feel her grab me. She starts physically pulling me back. I try to fight her as my heels drag across the soft sand. 

"No! I just want to play like everyone else!" I cry out as I attempt to pry her bony hands off of me.

I hear a voice in the distance and try to call out to them for help. My voice box is destroyed completely. All I can do is struggle and squirm. I hear the person's voice again. 

"Nurse!" She pants and gasps in distress as she runs toward me. She's running but not moving nearly fast enough to catch me before Fear takes me into the abyss. "She's moving!" 

With a gasp and the most excruciating pain on my side, I sit up instantly. 

"Mom?" I cry out.

"Mom! She was taking me away!" Try to stand up and run but I'm surrounded by people. Doctors.

Suddenly, I remember everything. I got behind the wheel and now I'm waking up at the hospital. I take a second to look around. I have an IV injected into me. My breathing is loud and painful. 

"I want to see my mom!" I tell the doctors, they try to calm me down. I drop down on the bed and kick and try to get the doctors away from me. 

"Kassidy we just want to help you." A female nurse says. "We need you to cooperate." 

"No, I just want to play like the rest of the kids and be normal." I pant in exhaustion, my leg can barely kick anymore. "I just want to experience happiness like everyone else."

I stop moving when I realize it's no use. My mind is not in the right place. I feel like I broke every bone in my body. 

"Kassidy, are you willing to calm down and cooperate?" The same nurse asks me. 

I nod and all the two doctors and two nurses start to step back. 

"I just want my mom," I say and start to cry. Crying is inevitable for me at this point.

"Well, your mother is here today and she's been waiting 17 days for you to wake up." She says. I guess that's their way of telling me I was in a coma for almost 3 weeks. 

"I don't fucking care, just tell her I really need her right now."  I look away from all the people. The nurse nods and they all walk out. She stays. Probably so I don't try anything. 

After not even a minute I see my mother run in and she hugs me right away. 

"Oh my god, I thought I was going to lose you." I wince from the pain of the hug. It's not only physical pain. 

I realize that I have to be in a life-or-death situation for my mom to show any affection toward me. 

"Can we just go home?" I ask and pull away, wiping my nose.

"Of course, baby." She looks at the nurse and she nods, telling us we can go. 

                                                                           

                                                                      ***

After a quiet car ride, we get home. I get out of the car immediately and start walking inside. When I get there, I see my sister on the couch and she stands up. The same shameful look is on her face. 

"I'm just really happy you're okay, Kass. I get it if you hate me." I walk over to her. I don't know what led me to do what I was about to do, but I hug her. I wrap my arms around her and I hug her. 

When I pull away, I give her a kiss on the head. 

"I'm sure you think that breaking things off with Aiden will change things. But it won't. I think you guys love each other and I want you two to be happy. I don't know if I'll ever forgive you, but I'll have to live with the fact that these things aren't in my control. I hope you find the happiness with him that I never got." I turn around, but before I start to walk away she says,

"You've grown a lot. I'm proud of you." I don't turn back around but I start walking to my room. I don't cry. I guess it isn't inevitable anymore. 

Maybe she's right. Maybe I've grown. And maybe that means I get over the one I truly love most. 

Angelique. Thank you for showing me what it was like to feel real love. Even if you never admitted it. 

Fuck it. I don't want to grow if it means not having her. Once I get to my room I'm calling her. 

I open my door and rush to my cell. Thank god it's where I left it. 

I sit and dial her number. It feels just like the first time. 

"Hello?" I let out a sigh of relief when I hear that voice. 

"Prom is over. Can we talk?"