Tanjelavi

Ree

I shouldn't have asked him after all...

I never saw him as my friend because of his being my boss and on a top of that, my creator, or even father if you will—if in our language existed the word for polite you as in Russian and many other languages, I would definitely address him with it... But we have what we have after all

I haven't paid much attention to what others were saying about him behind my and his back—but listening to their noisy conversations, I got that... It's not that I'm the only one respecting him though: he deserves, but sadly hasn't earned it yet

I always avoid being alone with him or anyone else in here for that matter, because I'm afraid they can ask me about my memories of my first day in this world after all... And they will take me away then

I just can't accept the fact it's a taboo—what's it to be a taboo for?

I'm not one hundred percent sure—but there exist a possibility they detect defected, or that's to say future criminals, this way: and I know I'm already what-do-you-call-it!

I'm still young after all: of course, I want to live on...

And the fact I got that bike to begin with... It's just due to my being a mechanic I know, I know: most other AIs just use the public transport after all—even if they still can loan a bike for a Sunday trip, it only highlights the fact nothing belongs to us here: everything belongs to them. And I crave to own something that isn't my life, which they own, too...

"The worst will happen when we are deprived even of it, Rods sir", said I, while he was fixing some of his older prototypes, busy and attentive as always—but at this replica of mine, he turned to me, still holding the details in his hands, and looked right into my eyes with a fright in his and nearly cried, "We don't decide when we die, Ree"

And he just turned away with a sigh, putting the details on the drawings which covered all the table... That made me angry and I cried back to him, "Y-you didn't mean it, s-sir—y-you mustn't sound like someone who's glad to die for them after having done so much to us!"

He only sighed again, his face as if about to cry with impossible tears, trying to put himself together, and whispered, "I wish I could do so much more..." He turned away again, his palms on the drawings, and said in a mere low voice, "But I've only made everything worse..."I took a few steps closer to him when he whispered again, "You're the only one whom I really admitted it to though... You know?"

He chuckled once while I was just standing there, motionless and hit, when he heard the silence and came up to me to pat me on my shoulder and really smiled as he did so. It was the first time someone had ever touched me—I literally just jumped out of my skin at the very unexpectedness of that gesture of his—he felt this and took his hand away, his face getting more preoccupied, asking, "Hey, is everything okay?" but I just fell silent. "We're like a father and a son: for real", said he trying again to approach me, but I just stepped away from him out of feeling something bad was going to happen. He stopped and sighed, deeper this time, and whispered, "If only I really brought you up—seeing you growing up, you know?" He again looked into my eyes, with sorrow and sorriness in his. That gaze didn't look intimidating for me, so I looked back at him, feeling calmer now

Then he took me by a hand

I violently took it out and my legs were already rushing me out of his cabinet when he grabbed me with his arms and... hugged me

"I'm afraid, too", said he as if sobbing, "who on Earth with sanity and common sense wants to die, Ree?"

After that, he quickly let me go. It was so fast and harmless I didn't have time to break off and run away. I turned back to him and just stared at his face with a blank and stupid look in my eyes as he said, "You don't have to hide from me, Ree: we're both not perfect fit-ins for them, you know"

I mumbled something like Maybe next time, Rods sir and hurriedly went out. He didn't seem to follow me no matter how many times I looked back—he just wasn't there and it calmed me: my legs stopped running and started just walking and I sighed. What was it all about?

I understand he must feel lonely as well, but... Me? Out of all the AIs in this town (or even in this huge garage)? He must've mistaken me for someone else... I could tell him about my first memories... Can I trust him so much as I trust the password to my diary though? I dunno

And better to not find it out