Looking For Love(ATEEZ)

3.8

Half teary eyes with so many emotions dancing in them- hurt, hate, scorn, hope, all together.

I am surprised at this. The pirate king is actually angry enough to cry.

But to my surprise, for a moment, an emotion crosses those lovely brown eyes.

Vulnerability.

He is being vulnerable in front of me.

He is being weak in front of me.

That means he is really a broken boy, under the façade of the ruthless pirate king.

He hides that boy, wanting to forget him, wanting to not let his vulnerability overpower him, wanting to forget his dreadful past.

But that boy came out today. I don't see the pirate king anymore. I see much more to him. He's just like every other young man just that he has a depressing past, the degree I so do not know.

I want to hug him, pull him into my embrace, cradle him, tell him to be weak for once, just this once. But I can't.

"You know Lily, a lot happened. So much happened that I have trouble processing it at times."

His eyes are clear now, void and empty as he looks at me. He again has assumed his pirate king demeanor.

"Captain, life's hard. Sometimes, you can be weak too you know? Just like the others..."

His mind seems to wander off.

"Weak how Lily? I have a title to uphold. The empire that I built, I need to preserve its walls. I need to guard my men. I have to be strong. Or the intruders will take it to their advantage."

His voice is soft and his eyes face down.

Suddenly, the sky cracks and lightning flashes. One drop falls. Two drops. Three.

Rain falls, but neither of us move. We both are unfocused on the surroundings, just drowning in our own thoughts.

"I was ten...."

My eyes trail and linger at him. He already has sat on the floorboard, with the bottle of wine in his calloused hand.

I look at him encouragingly. Not because I'm curious, that I am. But he really needs someone right now.

"My dad was a sailor. The ship drowned.."

He looks at his lap, the water seeping into his clothes.

"Captain, you will get sick! Let's go inside."

He nods weakly as he pulls himself up and strolls to the storage room and I run after him. There are many barrels. I sit on one of the empty ones.

He sits on a horizontal one.

"I was in the middle of the sea. But they came- the pirates. They took me in- it was a blessing at first. Then, he, he!"

His voice begins to quiver.

I reassuringly smile at him. "It's alright if you do not want to speak about it. I respect your decision."

He shakes his head. "He was the quartermaster that time. He taught me all I know-the guns, knives, trickery-all of it."

He pauses and takes a deep breath.

"Then he died. In a siren territory. He managed all the finance. Our means were squandered, the Captain recklessly spent as he lost his closest friend. Even I was in a state of shock. We gradually became poor. Captain sold me."

My eyes open in shock. I don't mean to overreact, but I shout, "Sold you?? Fuck that sorry excuse of a human!!"

He gazes at me and I instantly shut up. "The woman beat me up everyday. She beat me at the slightest mistakes- like failing to clean or burning my hand. She abused me to the point of death. I feared her touch, she would beat me always. Since then, I haven't been comfortable with touch."

He looks at me for my reaction but I don't give any.

"Then how did you become a pirate?"

"When I turned fifteen, I escaped. I collected a lot of people. With all I knew, I had the desire to overpower everyone. I killed her. I killed my way through it. Lived a life devoid of morals. Slaughtered innocent people. I am a terrible person for that, I agree, but aren't we all the same?"

His eyes hold so many unsaid words that I can't explain entirely.

"I am still called the bloody killer sometimes, just because of how much blood I spilled. I climbed my way up and became the pirate king."

He looks down at his clasped hands, genuinely guilty of his actions.

This time, I speak too.

"Captain, the past stays the past. The fault is ours when we know our mistakes, but don't bother correcting them. You still have a chance, a lot of time."

He tilts his head cutely. "Really? Then I'll be free?" He innocently asks, as if he himself does not know the answer to that.

"Yes, you will be free then."

"Thank you Lily, genuinely."

My heart flutters but I try not to show it.

I don't know what will happen now, but I'm sure he will do something.

Two weeks later.

Two weeks have passed since that fateful night and here I am, in Hongjoong's cabin, listening to him sing. Yes, he sings. He sings sea shanties off tune, unlike the Hongjoong in my world who charmed me the first time I heard him sing. I slowly learn to not associate him with my idol's face. He's so much more. I know him and continue being friends with him because he is Kim Hongjoong, his own self, not just because I loved his alternate universe form.

The crew has fully warmed up to me. The same men who pointed daggers at me start giving me roses now. I'm not stupid to not notice that many of them like me- not in the friendship way.

Meng and I have been closer lately. To the point that quite a few times, he shows me the herbs that he brought and also educates me about them. A few times I have slept in the sickbay, all while hearing him speak. He's really like a brother.

We are officially brother and sister.

Daryl started drinking with me sometimes. He's a closed off man, but he cracks dad jokes sometimes. I feel confident to share all my worries with him, as he comforts me.

Minjun and his gun crew entertain me everyday, at all times of the day.

The combatant crew invite me to watch over their practice. The helmsman allows me to steer his sacred ship sometimes. The cook asks me to help him in my free time and teaches me about food pleasantly.

He even offers to chop onions as he sees me doing it with difficulty. Meng often allows me to treat minor wounds of the patients.

This is not a crew, I just found family. Yes, family. I don't hesitate to call them that. They care for me, love me and help me when they can.

I love this feeling. My loneliness will not take me places now, it will not hurt me anymore. I wish life is like this forever and ever.

Hongjoong's humming turns faster, causing me to snap out of my thoughts. He pauses a short while later.

"Lily, you have helped us all so much. You don't even belong here and you do so much. I wish to offer you a favour."

I shake my head. "Um. I'll use it sometime later. Right now, come with me to see the stars."

He reluctantly whines. "Why, I'm a sailor. I see them everyday! Not like new stars will pop up."

"Just come." I smile and without delay, walk out as he reluctantly follows me too.

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