Watercolour Eyes

Live Now

A/N: this is gonna be a deep chapter so brace yourself

When Sid woke up he and Vanity had gotten into another argument. she'd made him a cup of coffee and he nodded off whilst he held it loosely in his hands as he laid next to her, spilling the hot coffee all over her bare thighs. she jumped up off of the bed and cried as it burnt her. 

He was still clueless, lifting himself up off of the bed which now had a big wet patch stained with coffee.

"What? What happened?" He asked. Vanity struggled to speak over the stinging of her thighs. "Vanity baby what happened?" He asked again.

"You spilt your fucking coffee on me" she cried. "What?" Sid asked, like he'd not heard her. She shouted at him again "You spilt your coffee on me! All over my legs!" She cried again. Rushing into the bathroom to run a cloth under some cold water.

Sid sat on the bed, the sound of the water running filled the empty noise of the bathroom and muffled Vanitys whimpers of pain. His mind clouded with confusion and guilt. He couldn't understand how he could have been so careless. That's the problem when you do drugs. You nod out, and Sid had started to do it a lot.

The weight of his actions settled heavily on his shoulders, a crushing reminder of the havoc his addiction had wreaked on their lives.

After a few minutes, Vanity emerged from the bathroom, her eyes red and swollen from crying. She avoided looking at Sid, the pain and resentment simmering just beneath the surface of her gaze. Sid's heart ached at the sight of her, knowing that he was the cause of her suffering.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered, his voice barely audible in the stillness of the room. "I didn't mean to..."

"Mean to what, Sid?" Vanity interrupted him, her tone laced with bitterness. "Mean to hurt me? Mean to scold me for the second fucking time?" She shook her head, her hands trembling with emotion. "Thats the third time you've burnt me. Twice when you dropped your cigarette on me and now this."

Sid swallowed hard, the lump in his throat making it difficult to speak. "I know I've fucked up, Van. I didn't mean to." He tried to apologise without stuttering however his words were clouded with a tiredness, making it difficult to speak.

Vanity's expression softened slightly at Sid's apology, but the pain in her eyes remained. She couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal that lingered like a shadow between them, a constant reminder of the fractures in their relationship.

"I know you didn't mean to, Sid," she murmured, her voice strained with emotion. "But that doesn't change the fact that it happened. That doesn't change the fact that I'm sitting here, in pain, because of you."

Sid hung his head, unable to meet Vanity's gaze. He felt like a failure, like he had let her down in every possible way. He had promised to protect her, to be there for her, and yet he couldn't even manage to hold a cup of coffee without hurting her.

"I'm sorry, Vanity," he whispered, his voice barely audible in the silence of the room. "I'm so sorry."

Vanity's frustration boiled over, her anger bubbling to the surface as she struggled to contain her emotions. "Sorry isn't going to fix this, Sid," she snapped, her voice sharp with resentment. "Sorry isn't going to make the pain go away."

Sid flinched at her words, the sting of her accusation hitting him like a slap in the face. He knew she was right, knew that his apologies were meaningless without action to back them up. But he didn't know how to fix things, didn't know how to make it right.

Vanity was being harsh on him, and lately it had been Vanity shouting at him whilst Sid just sat there, or laid there, or stood there and took it.
This was different now, it wasn't like Robbin where Vanity would cower away from him like a mouse whilst he screamed at her, hit her, pushed her.
When she was arguing with Sid she could actually fight back, she had a voice and my god was it loud.

"I don't know what you want from me, Vanity," he admitted, his voice tinged with frustration. "I'm trying my best here, but I can't seem to do anything right."

Vanity shook her head, her eyes flashing with anger. "I want you to be present, Sid. I want you to be here, with me, not lost in your own world," she insisted, her voice rising with each word. "I want you to care enough to pay attention, to see what's right in front of you."

Sid felt a pang of guilt at her words, the weight of her disappointment heavy on his shoulders. He knew he had been distant lately, had been lost in his own struggles, but he didn't know how to change that, didn't know how to be the person Vanity needed him to be.

"I'm trying, Vanity," he pleaded, his voice pleading for understanding. "I'm trying to be better, but I don't know how."

Vanity's anger softened slightly at Sid's admission, a flicker of sympathy shining in her eyes. She knew he was struggling, knew he was fighting his own demons, but she couldn't help but feel frustrated by his lack of effort.

"I know you are, Sid," she sighed, her voice weary with exhaustion. "But you have to keep trying. You have to keep fighting, for both of us."

"You've got your first gig tonight. The backups are gonna come and get you from here and you're gonna go to the venue with them." She sat next to him. Sid gently ran his finger over Vanitys now red thighs.

"You'll be there won't you?" He asked "me and Mickey are gonna go after, we'll be there about ten minuets after you" she explained, Sid's cool hand was now over the red patch on her thigh.
It felt nice and soothing on her burnt skin.

"I'm sorry baby" his lip quivered a little as he looked behind him to the bed sheets which were now soaked with coffee. Vanity was going to have to ask the front desk for some new ones now.

"It's okay" She simply said. He furrowed his brows and wrapped his arms around her lower stomach, laying his head down on her thighs, Vanity hissed a little, the tender skin stung against Sid's however she didn't tell him to move, she let him lay there. Kissing his head softly every few seconds.

"I love you" he whispered, his voice was barely audible. Vanity felt a wet drop on her leg. A tear had fallen from his eye onto her.
He really felt sorry