Mirage.

Chapter 1

My clothes are touching my skin uncomfortably, and my breathing is too loud. My heart is beating too fast, and the sweat on my forehead is making its path down my eyebrow. Everyone is being too loud, although there are only two people in this big hall. The cars outside are too loud and the cat meowing in some corners is too loud. My eyes blink awkwardly while the laptop screen is too bright for my eyes even when the brightness is as low as it can be. It's a familiar feeling now. Sometimes, you feel nothing. Just empty. Like there is a big endless void in your heart and brain, which is filled with nothingness and emptiness. Then there are days like this, when you feel everything around you but nothing inside you.
I continue to torment the poor full stop button, which is, although used, after a sentence has ended, but here I am just clicking this button when I have not even started to write anything. How many are there now? A hundred, maybe?

"What the hell even is that?" A voice from behind me shook me off, pulling me from the void I was in.

"Amelia, stop scaring people," I say to her as I face her.

Amelia is a friend I have known for the longest. She is a best friend, the only 'best' thing in my life. The word 'best' for some reason feels unfamiliar to me. I have always been somewhere in between 'best' and 'worst'. Though I don't feel unfamiliar with 'worse'.

"Sil, you have a laptop screen filled with nothing but dots instead of letters which are supposed to be there, how the fuck do you expect me to react?" She is right.

"I am out of ideas, motivation, inspiration, thoughts, creativity, money, love, trust, life," I say in one breathe " I don't know what I am doing with my life"

I put my hands covering my face as if doing that would take me somewhere different and make me escape this reality.

"Come on, don't be like that. You just need to relax for some time" Amelia closes my laptop and I shift my hand on my head which is not hurting but feels like if I don't hold it together, it will burst or fall off.

"I don't have time to relax, I need to write a new book, I told the publisher that I have an idea on which I am working, which was an absolute shit. I don't know what the hell I am supposed to do."

"Maybe you can attend the event. You may get some new ideas, you know. There are a lot of people there and the ones you would probably hate are many, so new names and personalities for your villains in the book " she chuckles.

Amelia has been trying to convince me to attend an event that she is managing. It's almost a month later and it is going to be one of the big events.
Mr.Joliole, who is a successful entrepreneur wants this to be a grand event with one rule; That each person who got an invitation shall bring a minimum of one and a maximum of two people with them. Rich people and their weird desires. "Amelia, You literally have 100 people that you can take with you" Amelia is the exact opposite of me, the sunshine. Extrovert, talented. Unlike me, she is probably unfamiliar with 'worse' and more familiar with 'best'.

"Why would I care about the rest ninety-nine when the only one I want is you" Amelia says, right after which we both widen our eyes because we both know that this line would be found somewhere in my book like every other line she threw at me.

"Alright, fine. I will think about it after an important work of mine is finished" I said as I packed my stuff and stood up to leave, took a glance at the time.

"What work?" The realization kicks in and Amelia asks " Do not tell me it's that book series you wanted to read."

I smile and walk away without a word and Amelia's frustrated groan could be heard from a distance. I walked up to the taxi outside and asked him to take me to the nearest bookstore. 'A Broken Glass' a book series with 9 books in total has become very famous in the past few weeks for its male lead.
People love the book and the characters and I thought it would help me open up some locked corner of my brain that may trigger a creative idea for my book.
I glance outside the window of the taxi and see people walking and moving forward in their lives while I, myself just feel stuck in the middle of nowhere. I am moving but I reach nowhere. If I sit and think about my life, All I can think is that it's not bad but it's nothing near to good. I have no reason to live and yet no reason to die either. I just exist. Is existing the same as living? I wouldn't know as I never wanted to really know. I never tried to know.
It's because I am afraid the answer won't be as I want it to be. I always wanted to be an author, but I never thought about what after that, and if I couldn't, what would I do? Everyone says to reach your goal, and fulfill your dreams, but what after that? How do you make new dreams? How do you live after that? What am I supposed to do now?
I am not ungrateful, but I just don't know what to be grateful about except for the fact that I am alive and don't have a reason to die.

"Mam, Your stop is here." The voice was loud. The driver looks at me, annoyed. Maybe he had been calling me, and I was deeply drowning in my thoughts.

"Sorry," I apologize and pay him. He leaves with the same annoyed look. Ruined his day. The bookstore had wood furnishing, and as I walked in, the enchanting fragrance of the books hit somewhere in my heart. A lovely bell rings when I open the glass door. A place that ! be a part of one of my stories. The old lady sitting at the counter was sipping her coffee while reading a book, which wasn't a decent one. "Excuse me." The old lady almost jumped from her seat.

"Oh dear. Oh lord. You scared me young lady. How can I help you?" The old lady had a soft and warm smile.

"Has the series 'A Broken Glass' arrived yet?"

"Why, yes dear it has, You want the whole series or just some selected books?" She has a British accent.

"The whole series."

"Wait here for a moment, dear." The old lady stands up and walks away somewhere between all these shelves. I wait there, standing looking everywhere, and taking as much as I can so I can describe it better in my book. A sweet bell rang, and my eyes shifted to see the door where a beautiful young blonde girl stood. She looked at me, gave me a huge smile, and started to walk towards me.

"Silvia Brennan?" The girl seemed only a year or two younger than me.

"Yes, how can I help you?" I don't think I know her. Is she a fan? That would be surprising.

"Sofia here, I really love your books." Sofia brings her hand for a handshake, which I happily accept. She looks oddly very excited to see me. " I really love you, I have written articles about you and have made a fan page for you. Can I please have an autograph?" She offers a pen and a notebook.

My autograph? I never thought of one, I never met any fans, and never thought, nor expected to meet one. I am an author but not so famous that people recognize me wherever I go. It's rare. I give a warm smile, take the pen and paper and create an autograph.
Next, she asks for a selfie. As soon as the photo was clicked, the old lady returned with the pack of books. My whole focus shifts to the elegant cover with vibrant colors that instantly attract the eyes. I touch the book to feel the amazing quality. I hand my card as I examine the cover. I took my card back, and that's when I realised I got completely distracted from the conversation with Sofia.

"....And my brother, so what do you say?" Sofia looks at me with her shining eyes. I have no idea what to say, but if I asked her, it would seem that I ignored her, and losing the only fan I ever met would be a really bad idea. So,I do what anyone would do in my position.
I laugh softly and say, " Yeah, sounds good." I just hoped that what she said wasn't something sad that would make this awkward. My sentence was just finished, and her eyes widened in shock, and she screamed a little.

"Oh my god, that's so awesome, I don't know how to react." A call she got cuts her sentence. She picks up the call and instantly tells them to call later. "Thank you very much, I will text you later, bye, I have to go, thank you." She opens the glass door and leaves.

I don't know what I agreed to, but I guess I will someday figure it out. I thank the old lady, and in return, I receive a lovely smile and grab the books that are heavier than they look. I leave the heavenly place and take another taxi home. I am too tired of life, and I don't wish to die, but I have no reason to live. I am tired of this and everyone around me. Every day is like a day in the loop. I just need a break like Amelia said, but my kind of break. I need to detach myself from this world and this life for some time. I need to escape this shit of a reality and live in a utopia, which is these books. I just want to drown myself in these. The only type of drown that won't kill me but rather save me.

AUTHOR NOTE: kindly read Chapter 2 as the male lead makes his appearance ✨️