Mirage.

Chapter 10

I shut the door and turn my back to it. My back slid down the door until I sat on the floor. Tears fall down yet again, threatening to explode my lungs. My nails dig into my knees as I tremble. I make no noise despite the screams in my head.
Aesterope crouches next to me, his hand cups my burning cheeks.

"It's all my fault. What have I done?" I mumble

"Hey, hey. It's okay, Wine, I'm sure she will forgive you." His hands slowly pull my head to his chest.

"That's the problem. I know she will forgive me. Even though I don't deserve it. If it were to be anyone except for me, she would've done something about it, she would've talked back, but just because she cares so much about me she took the hurt and didn't say anything to hurt me back, and I called her inconsiderate? Someone who was always there for me whenever I needed her? Someone who is ready to give herself up for me? Someone who bought me medicines without me having to tell her? All she wants is me to be okay, and I hitted her where she once told me hurts her the most?  I called her like her father, even though I knew how much  it would end up breaking her, and she is nothing like him." I let my thoughts out, I no longer hold space to hold them without having my mind exploded.

My voice keeps shivering as I speak.
But there was something she was trying to tell me, something that both of them knew, but none of them is telling me.
If it were something she could tell me directly,  she would've done so. If she didn't,  she wanted me to figure it out, and if so, I will figure it out.
Maybe Aesterope is hiding something from me, I trust him, I do with all my being, but if Amelia has a doubt, then I will clear it for her.
I hurt her, and I wanted her to scold me, hit me. I won't go shamelessly to ask her forgiveness when I have no right to. If she has a suspicion,  I will give her the reassurance.

"You want to clear your mind?" Aesterope asks, gently pushing me away from my shoulders.

I simply nod, and his lips lift to his smile. "Let's go," he says, pulling me up to my feet. His lips softly kiss me. Giving me the belief that he is here with me. Calming the storm that messes me.

And after so many years, I feel love.

.................................................................................................................

The sky is painted with multiple shades of pink, purple, blue, and bits of yellow where the sky meets the ocean.
The same ocean is held within Aesterope's eyes. With the cold breeze, it caresses my skin the way Aesterope's palm does. The slightly warm sand beneath my feet, wrapping me around the warmth I feel around him. The waves so soft that it reminds me of his lips curved into the smile he always wears around me, and they hum a sweet melody as they hit the shore, close to melt me like his voice.
No matter how many times I come here at this beach, it feels home. It feels Aesterope.
He stands next to me, holding hands and looking at the vast ocean.
Our feet feel the cold sea as the next wave touches our feet and then retreats to form another wave.
It's another date for us, with our favorite wine that tastes like his lips, and that's all.
This would've been different if my mind did not keep repeating Amelia's doubt like a broken record in my mind.
I feel a sudden pull to my waist, and I face Aesterope's ocean. Dimples.

"Feeling better?" He asks, and I just nod, not letting him know the thoughts bothering me. "Something is bothering you. What is it?" He asks as if reading my mind.

"Nothing. So, what do you do exactly?  Like your job? Or are you jobless?" I laugh a little,  trying my best to hide the depth of this question.

He scoffs ." Jobless? Wine, jobless man doesn't rent a high in demand couple spot lake for a date. In fact, I was also planning on renting or buying that amusement park to keep track of the visitors list if I hadn't met you on that day. Lucky them."

My jaw falls."You what?" Amusement shadows his face. "What do you do, exactly? " Now I am way too curious to know.

"Take a guess," he says, pecking me on my right cheek. He then holds my hand for a walk. My other hand holds the wine and glasses.

"You earn a lot on a daily basis?" I ask, creating a filter search in my brain.

"What do you think?" He asks, obviously, indication of what he said a few seconds ago.

"Ok, I take that as a yes. Do a lot of people know you? Are you famous or some?" My heart races with each question.

"Only those who work in my line of work and if they are looking for it, mostly," he gives after thoughtfully making words.

"Is it dangerous? Like you have had life threats or something like that?" This question is what decides to turn me to either digging more about him or relaxing and stop thinking too much about what Amelia said.

"It is. At times." He says, looking forward, swinging our interlocked hands back and forth.

I am digging up more. I don't know what other to ask. It is better to have a direct answer. "I give up. What is it?"I stop walking when my ears are filled with some good music from a nearby party at the beach.

"Figure it out yourself." He says, pulling me on his lap as he sits on the sand. Butterflies blur my mind. His arms draped across my waist, and his lips rested at the place between my neck and shoulder. My heart races for a whole different reason now.

"God, you smell good." He sniffs and whispers, and my stomach twists and red smudges my cheeks.

We sit there drinking wine. I let it dull my skeptical thoughts. The black covers the sky and stars twinkle. Air is way more cold, and the disco lights play on our faces with music in ears from a few steps away.

Aesterope and I talk for hours, laugh, and tell each other more about ourselves. Aesterope doesn't disclose anything too personal about him. He would just ask me to guess and switch the subject with ease. Maybe Amelia was right. He is hiding a part of himself from me.
When I look at people around us, they stare with skeptical gaze at us, mostly at him. They would stop walking and share whispers while looking at us, then fasten their walk.

Am I the only one who doesn't know something about him that everyone knows?
No, that's too weird. That can't be the truth. Can it?

The debate in my mind is unstoppable. It became worse when we stood to leave, and a group of drunk men stood in front of me. They don't say much, just look me up and down, and I hold a small part of Aesterope's sleeve.
He slowly shifts and stands in front of me. The stench of alcohol almost made me throw up.

"What the fuck you looking at?" For the firts time his voice sounded lethal. I can feel his cold glare, though I stand back of him.

"We should just leave, Aesterope." The way his body is stiffened and ready to fight, I would rather not have a scene created here.

The group of men look at me with narrowed eyes and then analyse Aesterope.

"Aesterope, you said lady?" The one standing in front speaks to me with fear lynching his gaze.
The guy behind him pulls him back, and they leave.

We continue to take our last walk before leaving, and Aesterope's hand protectively sets at the small of my back leading me.
What just happened?  Did that guy know him?

It seems that everyone knows something that I don't know about him. What the hell is it? Who is he? What does he do?
There is no point asking him directly. I need to find it out as soon as possible.
My heart feels heavy, and I wish on going to those hangouts with Amelia where we used to dump all our thoughts with no filter and no guilt. Just us. But I ruined it. A strong pinch in my heart is what I feel at the mention of it. Tears don't appear, but I know they hide at the back of my eyes, waiting for the right moment to just fall. My shaky breath must have revealed my thoughts.

"You mentioned that after two weeks, it's Amelia's birthday? " Aesterope looks at me as we walk.

"Yeah." A tinge of bitterness spreads my heart.guilt.

"Talk it out with her. All you need is communication and confrontation. It will work out." He gives a soft squeeze to my hand.

I smile at the idea and nod.
This was another long day for me. Two weeks later, it will be a month since I met Aesterope. Since my life flipped around.

But it's about to get a new change, for the better or worse? Time will tell.
Whatever it is that is not known to me, I will find it out.