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♡♡♡
y/n's pov:
i'm standing in front of my mirror, wearing a light pink dress. it flows around my ankles, flowers dotting the hem. the fabric is cool against my legs and i run my fingers over it. it's perfect. everything i could've imagined in a dress. tomorrow is the day. my heart rate rises, just thinking about it. i'm scared and i'm angry and i think i'm falling. walker will be there. part of me never wants to see him again, but a small voice in the back of my head wants to watch the way his eyes light up when he's excited and how his curls frame his head like a golden halo. i want that part to shut up, but also,
i want it to keep talking.
i think what i really want is an apology. i don't know if he can give that to me, but a part of me thinks he's going to keep trying until i finally let him back in. stubborn, stubborn boy. i almost regret writing a song about him. everyone is talking about how it's a diss track. as if i'd ever write a diss track about a teenage boy. what a waste of time. but, it really isn't. if you read between the lines, look past the chorus, through the lenses of the bridge, you'd see, it's almost a love song.
almost.
i slide the dress off and change into my pj's, getting ready for some much needed shut-eye. with very convenient timing, my door flies open and xochitl, momona, and mckenna stand in the dim hallway light, decked out in sleepover gear. checkered pj pants, fuzzy animal-esque slippers, momona has a heatless curler woven into her hair. they are ridiculous, but they're my ridiculous. i smile, relieved and so happy that they are here. my saviors, here to rescue me from the grasp of my mind.
"what's up?"
"we're here for the sleepover!" mckenna squeals, like there was actually a planned sleepover and they didn't just show up at my house unannounced.
i giggle as she launches herself at me, wrapping her arms tight around my shoulders and pulling me into a hug.
"i feel like i haven't seen you guys in forever," i say, my voice smothered by mckenna's shoulder.
"you literally saw us like the other day," xochitl says, plopping down on my right side.
momona curls up against my left. it's just me and my girls against the world.
"are you ready for tomorrow?" momona murmurs.
"i don't know," i say, "i don't know if i'll ever be ready."
"you know, he's really sorry. he didn't mean it, he's just a boy," xochitl says, fixing her hair.
"it still hurt. i'm just a girl."
"we know it hurt, y/n/n, but he's hurt too," mckenna says.
he's hurt? i should've guessed. for some reason, a part of my heart aches for him. i'm sorry i hurt you, walker. i shake it off. i need to be strong if i want to get through tomorrow.
"you could've had a valentine this year," momo shrugs.
"hey!" xochitl swats her, "she could still have one. don't lose hope yet."
"i haven't," momona says mysteriously, "something is telling me that in like ten years from now i'm going to be tearing up at y/n and walker's wedding, wearing some despicable concoction of a bridesmaid dress."
i gasp, "momo! how could you say that, i hate his guts!"
i can see myself walking down that aisle clear as day, for some reason.
"i'm too tired for this," i say, rubbing my sleep heavy eyes.
"aren't we all," momona sighs.
we all slide under the covers, curled up next to each other. just like we did all those years ago. i've never felt as safe as i do when i'm with them. except with walker. except with walker. i think i must be in denial or something because the realization hits me like a truck. i really like walker. i wouldn't say i love him yet, it's too fast for that, but i really like him. i want to hold his hand when he's nervous and fall asleep next to him. i want the forehead kisses and leg touches. i want to know his favorite ice cream flavor and the songs he needs to hear as he falls asleep. his favorite movies and the way he does his hair. i want to, no i need to know these things.
"guys, i think i might like walker," i whisper.
this is the first time i've said it out loud.
"dude, we know," mckenna says.
"we've literally known this whole time. we always know," xochitl continues.
momona snores softly in my ear. she'd agree if she was awake. i hum in response, my eyes closing slowly. the sweet embrace of sleep is overcoming my senses. i let it take control of my tired body. i nestle deeper into the pillow, mckenna has a leg thrown over mine and xochitl is holding my hands. i fall asleep to the sound of our synced breathing, dreaming of a sunshine boy, laughter ringing in my ears like the doorbell to tomorrow.
everything will change tomorrow.
♡♡♡
i had lab work done earlier
i hate lab work
sorry this took so long cuties im on my period i was almost too tired to write this it's like midnight my bedtime is at nine also this is lowkey just a filler chapter but it's ok all chapters are important i'll start writing longer ones soon too i've been uber busy with school and now it's break thank gods i could not take school any longer i would've thrown a chair and they'd have to send me to a psych ward.. anyways!! enjoy pls pretty pls enjoy i'll cry if you don't (i'm kidding)
