Stolen Kisses and Competitions

Fight For It - 2

"You must be Rafael! It's a pleasure working with you, your teachers say a lot of good things."

Rafael laughed amicably "The pleasure is mine, I just hope I can live up to my reputation."

His nerves were running high. The opportunity to showcase a duet choreographed by world famous ballroom dancer Jonquil Breary felt surreal. He had hardly believed it when the school selected him and now that Jonquil was actually standing in front of him he didn't know what to do with himself.

"So, obviously your partner hasn't been selected yet." Jonquil was saying "Your teachers told me they are still deciding between three girls and I thought it only made sense for you to be part of the decision."

"Yes, thank you." Rafael was hardly aware of his words, he just knew he was talking to The Jonquil Breary "Who are the girls?"

"They were... Elizabeth Berry, from your year and Hazel Bell and Madeline Moss from the first year."

Finally, Rafael came back to his senses. Then his heart stopped. Maddie. His Maddie. He had known she was at Westwood of course, but he hadn't spoken to her at all. They had barely spoken at all since the kiss four years ago. They had tried to stay for a bit but things became increasingly awkward between them, even bitter. Eventually Maddie pulled the plug by cancelling going to see his first performance at Westwood. Rafael was glad she did, the resentment would have swallowed the, and things would have ended in tears. The past had caught up with him though, and there was still time for tears to be shed.

It was true that Rafael missed his friendship with Maddie, how could he not? She'd been in his life for as long as he could remember, but at that moment, he had no idea if he could say the right things to her. He couldn't say what she needed to hear.

***

The following Monday, Rafael watched Maddie, Elizabeth and Hazel's auditions. His anxiety was through the roof but he'd decided not to talk to Maddie that day. Not unless she was actually chosen. He knew he was a coward for this, but isn't it better not to open up old wounds? Maddie seemed happy now without him in her life.

The youngest girl, Hazel, was the first to audition but Rafael hardly payed any attention to her. She was talented enough but to him she seemed like most of the other Westwood girls. Perfect smile, perfect technique, perfect blonde hair.

He payed a little more attention to Elizabeth's dance because she was his friend.

"What do you think?" Jonquil asked after Elizabeth was finished.

"Yeah, they were good, both of them."

The words were hard to say. Rafael could hardly breathe let alone speak. His stomach began to ache.

Shit he thought I'm having a panic attack.

"Can I have a few minutes, just to go to the bathroom?" he managed to ask.

He barely heard Jonquil's reply as he charged out of the room. Rafael's head was spinning and his chest felt full of metal.

He tried to get into an empty studio but they were all locked. He felt dizzy, he'd probably pass out if he didn't stop walking.

Eventually he just leaned on a wall and closed his eyes, hoping no one would walk past.

Rafael didn't know why just the thought of seeing Maddie was making him sick to his stomach and triggering his anxiety this much. He kept telling himself that he didn't need to talk to her. He didn't need to see the pain filling her eyes again. He didn't need to feel responsible for her emotions. Pretend nothing happened, he told himself.

What really frightened him was the moment she walked into the studio and their eyes met.

"Rafael?"

Elizabeth appeared in front of him, his eye took a second to focus on her but once they did he smiled. Elizabeth was about two years younger than him and they were in a lot of classes together. She was a sweet, fiery and kind young woman with big blue eyes and freckles. Rafael had always liked her, especially her long wavy hair that she dyed cotton candy pink.

"Hi." Rafael said weakly.

"Are the auditions finished already?" she asked.

He shook his head, the iron cage still gripping his lungs.

"Are you okay?"

Elizabeth knew what was going on but Rafael tried to lie to her anyway.

"Yeah. Yeah everything's okay."

"It doesn't seem like it."

Rafael laughed, attempting to downplay of make light of his feelings. Elizabeth just looked at him with concern.

"You know we're friends right? You can talk to me."

The last thing Rafael wanted was to talk about Maddie, but he was grateful for Elizabeth's attention.

"Well..." he started to say, hesitantly "This duet, it kind of feels like a really big deal and I can't afford to mess it up."

"I understand." Elizabeth nodded sympathetically, but Rafael, don't worry! You've got this, you're one of the best dancers in the school. Why else would you have been chosen for this?"

Rafael didn't like lying to Elizabeth but he wanted to wrap the conversation up quickly.

"You're right, thanks. My anxiety was just playing up, but I'm feeling better now."

He was actually feeling a bit better, somehow, maybe something to do with Elizabeth's open demeanour and her playful smile.

"Good. Don't be nervous about the duet, I got you. I'll be right there dancing beside you." Rafael looked at her inquisitively "You do want me to get picked right?"

"Of course I do, you're my friend, but the thing is..."

Rafael couldn't finish the sentence, he didn't know why he'd started it in the first place, but Elizabeth had heard all she needed to hear.

"The thing is? One of the first year girls? Do you know one of them?"

"No! Well, yes I... I did, but not in the way you're thinking."

Elizabeth didn't believe him "So that's why you're so anxious."

"No it's... I don't know if I can do this."

"Yes you can."

"But what if I don't want to?"

"Don't be silly."

"But-"

"No buts, Rafael. You're better than this. You know what you want, fight for it."