Stolen Kisses and Competitions

Fight For It - 3

Author note - It helps if you know the lyrics to Tattoo by Loreen in this chapter

Maddie's nerves had reached their peak when she was told that she'd have to wait a few minutes extra to audition. What if they'd already chosen Hazel or the other girl? What if they were at that moment, before she'd had a chance to perform? Maddie knew hazel was incredibly talented and Elizabeth had been at the school much longer than she had. Did she even stand a chance?

However, part of the nerves Maddie was experiencing were caused by something different. Deep down she didn't really want to do the duet, not with Rafael. What she wanted was the audition. To go into that room and make Rafael look at her and hopefully feel a bit guilty for what he did. Spending time with him after that? No thank you. She wanted to awaken his feelings without having to drag hers up too, that was only fair.

A tall, youngish male teacher, Mr Anton, walked out of the audition room and approached her. Mr Anton was one of her favourite teachers, the one who suggested her for the showcase, in fact. He grinned at her.

"They're ready for you now."

Maddie took a deep breath and drew herself up.

"Nervous?" Mr Anton asked her.

"A little, but I think it's going to be fine." She smiled, faking confidence "Rafael and I used to be friends as kids, actually."

Mr Anton squeezed her shoulder reassuringly "Good luck. You'll do great."

Maddie raised her chin and they walked together into the audition room. Her feigned coolness carried her forward and when she met Rafael's eyes, she pretended it meant nothing. She walked towards him, although every step was pushing against the tide. When she took off her glasses and placed them on the table in front of the boy she used to love, he faded to a blur.

"You're Madeline Moss, correct?" the person who must have been Mr Armitage asked.

"Yes."

"Well, best of luck."

Maddie walked to the centre of the room. She never thought she'd have to fight for Rafael's attention, but she was about to. As soon as he heard the song she'd picked, he'd know.

Someone pressed a button and the swelling opening of Tattoo by Loreen rang out over the speakers. Maddie started to dance, and it felt like reliving a memory.

Not long before the disastrous kiss, Maddie and Rafael had shared a bizarre love for Eurovision and he would go to her house to watch it every year. When Loreen won, they'd both become obsessed with the song Tattoo.

Maddie was pouring all her energy into this dance, her aerials were higher than ever, her turns faster, and she was lost in a world of her own.

The sing had a different meaning now, and she knew Rafael felt it.

"Maddie!"

Maddie took a deep breath and stopped walking so Rafael could catch up with her. Hundreds of emotions crammed themselves into her mind as she realised how much she'd been craving a chance to talk to him. She hadn't expected him to actually follow her out of the audition room.

"That was amazing." Rafael said, he seemed nervous about meeting her eyes.

"Thanks" Maddie said.

There was a moment of awkward silence that was broken by Rafael saying "It's been so long since I last saw you dance."

Rafael seemed a little afraid of her, which made Maddie laugh awkwardly. There was too much she wanted to say

"You look different, older. Especially with glasses." Rafael looked at her intently, maybe looking for his childhood best friend in the young woman in front of him.

"You look the same actually." Maddie laughed.

Rafael didn't laugh back, with full sincerity he said "but when you took your glasses off and started dancing, you looked exactly how I remember you."

Maddi smiled "Did you enjoy it?"

"Yeah you were awesome. You know, I missed you."

Despite herself, Maddie felt her heart flutter. Supress, she told herself.

"I missed you too."

"I'm glad you're not angry. I was scared that this meeting would be terrible and I'd decided that I wasn't going to speak to you, but when I watched you dance, especially to that song, I knew I had to. I mean... that I wanted to."

So he had picked up on the song "I wanted to as well. It was a good choice, wasn't it?" Screw repressing her feelings, they were all starting to spill out "When it happened it just wasn't the right time for us, I get that now. But that was four years ago I'm older now, and I'm here. We're both here. We found our way back to each other. That's got to mean something." Maddie had never been good at controlling her emotions and now, too much joy was filling her eyes.

Alarm bells began to go off in her head when Rafael didn't really react. He looked at her for a few seconds and laughed nervously.

"Maddie..."

She cursed under her breath. All this had been a mistake and she knew her idiocy was about to be made clear to her.

"I'm really happy to see you again. I have missed you, but not like that. I don't... I can't see you in that way Maddie. You're my friend and I'd really love for us to keep being friends, but I'm not able to give you anything more than that. I'm in a relationship, and they're my top priority. They make me happy." Rafael's voice shook at the end but Maddie didn't notice, she was too busy being crushed by déjà vu.

"Still Juno?" she asked

"Yes."

"Right." Maddie's eyes darted around the room, trying not to look at Rafael. She had such a strong urge to walk away but that wasn't really an option.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" Maddie started to say, at the same time as Rafael said "I'm sorry. You're such a wonderful girl and it sucks that I have to keep doing this to you."

"I know. I understand. I really thought my feelings had gone away but it's just hard, you know."

"I know." There was a pause.

"I'd like to be friends," Rafael said "but, I'd understand if you want distance from me or boundaries or anything."

Maddie gathered all her strength and gave the most fake smile she ever had in her life "No it's cool. Friends?"

"Friends." Rafael grinned back, which made Maddie feel justified in her lying "Let's go back to the audition room, decisions have probably been made by now."

Maddie followed Rafael, the lyrics of Tattoo still playing through her mind. You've got my heart in your hand, don't lose it my friend, it's all that I've got.