Trigger warning: self-deprecation, panic-attack like symptoms, talk of self-harm/suicide. This is a heavy chapter, so please proceed with caution. I've included a short chapter summary at the end for those who feel this chapter may not be right for them to read. Please take care of yourselves.
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There she was, the girl everyone had spent hours searching for, huddled up in her room alone. A pang shot through Renjun's heart at the sight; Songmin sat curled up with her knees pulled into her chest in the corner between the wall and the bed, not even wearing a jacket in the intense cold. The lamp light barely reached this corner of the room, yet a book was clutched in her hands and her eyes squinted at the text on the pages. She looked so small, so vulnerable.
"Leyi?"
Songmin recognized his voice immediately, but she didn't look up. The book was doing its job distracting her, and she was scared that the moment she looked away from the inked words that were starting to blur together, the thoughts she'd been trying so hard to avoid for months would come back.
Renjun kneeled down in front of Songmin, not daring to go any closer in respect of her space. He could only barely make out anything on the cover of the book; it seemed to be a math history book. Her slim fingers barely held onto it. It tilted at a precarious angle, threatening to fall out of her hands.
"What happened last night? Eunhye was so worried about you when you didn't come home. We were all worried, we thought something terrible might have happened to you."
Worried. People were worried for her. Despite herself, Songmin's eyes slid closed and a tear left her eye, sliding slowly down her cheek. She'd ghosted everyone, selfishly cutting herself off from the world in order to deal with her own stupid emotions. They should've hated her, but they were worried. She hated herself, but they were still worried.
She'd neglected the closest people in her life for weeks and she deserved to be hated and neglected in return, but they were still worried.
Renjun watched, breath caught in his throat, as the tear slid across Songmin's pale skin, catching the light for just a second and shining like a polished pearl. The moment passed and it became just a tear again, tracing down her jaw and dripping down onto the book, creating a small stain on the page. The book tilted forward a little farther, dangerously close to falling.
Reaching forward slowly, Renjun lifted the book from her hands, shutting it silently and setting it down on the floor beside him. Songmin's hands didn't move. Her eyes stayed closed. Renjun tried his question again.
"Last night, what happened? Are you hurt?"
Another tear escaped Songmin's eye, following the same path as the first. Her hands moved, fingers curling into her palms. They shivered visibly, stopping just as fingertips touched palms. Looking more closely, Renjun could see that Songmin's entire body was trembling, shaking so violently he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it earlier. He pulled the blanket off of the bed and, moving slowly, draped the blanket over the front of the girl. It was thin and barely fended off the cold, but it was better than nothing.
